without light, would you know
to where I would go?
If I dropped down a deep well
without a tell, could you find
me while blind?
As I disappear into the folds
releasing holds, should you wait
silent at the gate?
I spend a lot of time thinking about a lot of what people might find irrelevant, and at times I bring these things up with my wife and it makes her uncomfortable. Things like, what if I disappeared, died, was abducted, fell off a cliff? What would happen if I just wasn't around one day? What would they do, would my daughter be okay? Would my absence matter at all?
We like to think that what we offer to the world is unique, that our experience held is meaningful and worthy of some stored intrinsic value. it makes us feel secure, provides the ego with fuel to inflate itself enough to drive the body on but, how many would notice if my blog suddenly ran dry, what kind of vacuum would be left?
I would say that other than a small few, not many would notice at all and even that would not be for long as their attention is grabbed by other attractions. I am under no illusion here, there is very little legacy in life, the moment is more important than the future, the future more important than the person. But, does that matter, does it make it all not worthwhile?
As I see it, what we do is all a selfish act although it doesn't mean that others do not or could not benefit from our actions. There is always a give and take aspect to each transaction and it doesn't always work out zero sum. When it comes to information the value of a sentence distributed to many has more power than the most brilliant theory collecting dust open a shelf, hidden from those it might aid. Does the author of theory matter at all or is the matter in the movement of theory to reality?
We like to put weight onto people, attribute them with traits and lavish them with praise but they themselves are of little value to the conversation, it is their thoughts and words that carry the wealth, the data that can be parsed through the senses to shift us, move us, inspire us. These words do not have to be in the positive, they can be filled with hate and poison yet if delivered well, can turn a person, community, nation or a planet on its head.
For better or for worse we put ourselves into the world hoping that what we do matters, rarely slowing to contemplate if it does at all. And even rarer considering if what we do is the right way to satisfy our aims and more importantly our needs. We do not even know what we need let alone how we could best go about approaching their fulfillment.
We don not understand the needs of our body for if we did we would not have obesity epidemics. WE do not know the needs of our minds because if we did we would not fill them with so much irrelevance. We do not know what we as sentient beings need for if we did, we would be without the internal conflicts we possess. We do not know our needs yet make changes to satisfy our desires that effect the worlds of all.
I think about these things. I think about the life I lead and the importance I put on it, the importance others may place on it because they need me. Or at least, they think and feel that they need me here but to need me is a selfish act is it not? What right do they have to have claim over my very presence in their lives?
Will my daughter suffer my disappearance or would my absence and lack of direct influence empower her to be her fullest, to be her at the very best she could possibly be? As parents we like to put ourselves in a central role of importance but o not consider if we as individual parents are what is best for the child at all. It is our ego speaking, our inflated sense of self saying that we matter, even if the information we provide through our words and actions have no inherent constructive value at all.
Am I a good person or parent? How can one possibly answer such a question? It cannot even be observed objectively by others. If there is a measure of a good parent or a good person, it will not be sen in a lifetime, it will be seen with what gets done with what has been provided. The proof is in the pudding as they say and if actions don't lead to a better world, we as a global community have on average failed to be good, haven't we?
We can look at an individual level and say we tried but is trying really enough if what we try doesn't get us to where we need to be? WE talk about greed, suffering, oppression and a society that is crumbling while we continually borrow from the future to support satisfaction of our desires at the loss of their ability to fill their needs. Good people.
If I disappeared today, would the future and those who will live it be better or worse off due to my absence?
And if I stay?
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
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