It’s the last day of november, really bad sleep, heater broken, -1 temp in the van (ok so not super super cold but still), my internet router (iPad) won’t power up, probably too cold to store power so currently as I write this we have no internet. I need to internet to work to earn money, to check that I have money, to check that we have the new heater on the way.
it’s nine days to the next payout, need to move fast, need to bring in extra funds, things are getting a bit desperate, on top of that I need to consider christmas but then straight after christmas another payment — it’s probably gonna be like this for the next three months at least until a change comes if it comes, warming weather is really needed for the changes however.
crisis always seems to be looming in one shape or another I’ve found, it’s the way you adapt and balance things out that make the difference in a day, the way you handle the resources, the snap decisions you make, the little voices that ebb away at you telling you to replace the router, replace the heater and then faced with the eventuality in cold hard light.
if not stated some of my photos are from unsplash a free site for images, also you can grab some cool images from nomad.pictures a site i run with @dayleeo to get pictures out of the camera roll and onto the web
I’ve got a number of things I have to do today, it’s gonna be a long day and I’m gonna be tired at the end of it as we transition into friday, I have my daughter tomorrow too for a day or so and I’m guessing sleep will be reduced again, few back to back days of trying to catchup on that sleep, another day lost, another adaption day, another work around day, it’s all part of the way the universe lays out your path, you have to conjure up positivity from somewhere to unlock the attributes of those days you seek to be better, that can be difficult when your feeling defeated constantly.
The constant with any of this is that change will come regardless if you like it or not, and you will adapt. You will have to navigate the incoming flow of data and it won’t always be the data you want to receive, sometimes it will be corrupt, incomplete and overwhelming. I’ve noticed that the more I’ve wanted to simply my life the more complicated it appears to become. It would be easy to just ‘run’ away from a current life but you still need to interact with the way the world expects you too, systems have middlemen for the very reasons they exist in the first place, to maintain position as a system, you have no choice but to interface in the language they expect.
Every time I get to a place of acceptance like this, that this is what I have, this is how I have to use it and this is how I must adapt I take a little while to engage in self reflection. Am I making progress in life with myself, am I dealing with those little caveats, chipping away at those imperfections that cause little chips to be carried on ones shoulders, did I manage to remove doubt, did I manage to tie up a thought process with a little bow and signify on that as the final iteration of my thoughts on the matter.
it can lead me into a deep sense of acceptance that this is my place, this is my role and within that I fall into a state where whatever happens will happen, I remove my notion of control and go on full autono(mouse) mode like a self driving Tesla, stay in lane, keep my distance and just keep trundling along the road.
I’m not sure about you but months have real meanings I’ve come to realise in my life, some seasons effect me in different ways, Januarys my birth month feel like a fresh new approach, a new start, a collective energy when everyone is in cryostatis over eating too much at christmas (at least here in the western world) I’m ready to attack the year, put the hours in, carve out myself a little niche for the months that are coming, I’m always trying to get a little bit ahead because I’m never the lucky one to just get the break on things, I have too many opinions on life. I’ve accepted my lot in some ways and I’m comfortable with it. This is what I have and I should not expect anything more.
December has always been in recent years a real grafting month when it comes to digital working, from a perspective of clients or my own projects I like to see the difference in the following year, incredibly that’s shown the most promise at progress even if my application into noticing the trends has been slow to acknowledge — whenever I’ve had the mental agility to realise I’ve always done a bit more, added a new course, tried a different service, jumped in with both feet and felt the upswing.
I know also for a lot of people that december can be lonely, I see it on peoples faces, I can see the wifes with multiple bags crafting the faux excitement pack of having the family around, the father and boyfriend cluelessly throwing 2 for 3 ten pound deals into a trolley because they have no idea who or what they are buying for, the kids with wide eyed excitement of the colours and lights and sounds overwhelming them like some crack infused futuristic bladerunner for children.
I see the elderly, along, sad, heartbroken and wandering, stumbling, hoping for someone to acknowledge they exist, just wanting to talk, just wanting to be around other humans for warmth and compassion, waiting on a glance or a moment to start a conversation, about anything, something.
I feel for you too, I feel for all of you, because together, some how, regardless of all the downswings, upswings, wars and stupid rules and regulations and notions of how to be a human being we are still here. Just, holding on to a thread sometimes of existence as we rapidly throw ourselves into our imaginations of what could be for us as a species.
As I go into december understand this, whoever you are, wherever you are on this spinning space rock we call earth understand that I have compassion for who you are as a human being, you exist, you are the caretaker of your own part of planet earth, I hope you have friends and family and support at this time of year. I hope you are warm and safe and that you have food in your belly and a roof over your head. I may not know you but I care about you as if you were my family.
be safe fellow human at this time of year, I wish you the best going into the next month and year, if you can find a way to constantly rediscover what you can do for others and indirectly do for yourself, never forget that we are in this together and that we all need to get ahead to really win at this game called life.