Most people want what they don't or can't have; the fat want to be thin, the thin want to be fat, the blondes want to become brunettes, the brunettes want to be blonde, the ones with curly hair want straight hair; the poor want money and the wealthy want mind-peace... so on so forth....
Life is really full of paradoxes! As I'm going to talk about my experience that led me to write this...
Last year, I got pregnant.. and I was THRILLED! I was the happiest! At 9 weeks, I went to my doctor, I then knew that there is no pulse in my embryo... He died inside me for no reason at all... I was heart broken.. I felt scared.. One day in the coming week I was bleeding heavily and I had to do an operation.. It was a really painful situation... both physically and physiologically.
I spent days crying and feeling awful... I wanted that baby so bad... but being a faithful person I believed that God had taken my baby for all the good reasons...
Days and months passed... and last September, I knew I was pregnant.. My happiness was indescribable! I was literally leaping out of joy..! I even went to buy a unisex white onesie because I can't know if it was a boy or a girl.... I even bought a pregnancy jeans!
3 days of joy and dreaming.. picturing my baby and how AT LAST I'm going to have one cute little baby to take care of, love and raise...
3 days... then my happiness went all down the drain... I knew I had an ectopic pregnancy (where the embryo is inside the tube and not in the uterus) ofcourse this is a very critical situation... and I HAVE TO get rid of it because it is dangerous. I could die.. So I had to STOP this embryo from growing... I had to STOP all my happiness... I just had to...
I took a strong chemical medicine ( like the one which is given to people with cancer) and after 4 shots, still the embryo doesn't want to die! and if it stayed that way I will have to have a surgery....
See what I mean by paradox? Last year my baby died without any rational reason... and this year... my baby doesn't want to die... and I have to kill it.......
Life is just too difficult to handle at times...
I just hope I wouldn't need surgery.. I'm terrified....
Stay well everyone...
#ocd-resteem