The moment of Ahaa!
I spoke in the last episode how I used to see God as Vengeful, Punitive, and Despising among other mean traits (https://steemit.com/motivation/@theleapingkoala/my-journey-with-god-ep-1). This idea about God came from the teachings of Islam today, where anything and everything we do is a sin without salvation, and from the interpretation of Qur'an by the so-called Muslim clergies, which only tells people to abuse, kill, and abuse some more to please God and go to eternal heaven.
Honestly, at one point I was thinking that if heaven has those crazy abusers with their nasty God leader then I sure don't want to go there, not that I will be allowed to go anyway since I am a sinner woman. Phew!
During my search to heal myself and get over the shackles that was holding e back to live my life, I came across books written by Dr. David Hawkins. He is a psychiatric MD who did a PhD research on consciousness. Apart from the fact that his books were among the most enlightening and helpful in my healing process, the result of his findings "the map of consciousness" was an amazing discovery for me since it made plenty of sense to me (being a scientist and all). I was almost dumbfounded when I was able to track my emotions in many different cases in my past and pinpoint it exactly to where it belongs on this map. From there on, I gained so much understanding about myself, but also about other people in general. Moreover, I became aware of my feelings and the resulting behaviors as I was living them, which allowed me to control my reactions better.
From this map I understood that the God view I had was very normal from the psychological perspective of human living on the lower levels of consciousness (as I used to). I also realized the painful truth that we humans have been fooled by some smart but evil schemers to continue living inside a vicious cycle of negativity which propagate destructive behaviors towards ourselves and others. You can see the lower levels of this map clearly globally and on a personal level, but they are more concentrated within organized religions, especially Islam in the current era.
Also, If you notice, the picture made of God and the feelings associated with him when people are in a negative energy state are very human like. Honestly, if God is supposed to be powerful beyond imagination and can make the impossible happen, then why would he behave like that? The answer: He wouldn't. Because only someone with an inferiority complex would do or think of doing such things to prove themselves. Understanding that made me want to learn more and find my own truth about God if such a thing exists. From there I started reading many spiritual books of the east and west, however, not about Islam or Qur'an yet, since my mind is still holding the falsified teachings and interpretations I learned when I was very young. Also, at this point, I really didnt care about Islam and Qur'an, all I cared about is to proclaim my life and set the record straight with God once and for all...
To be continued