Day 6
Looking at the past I cannot even remember when I started to have this habit to wright down my deepest thoughts... I always enjoyed writing, and those were not just stories how happy or miserable I am. Those were my dreams and wishes, my feelings and mistakes, questions about spirituality and life, physics, mathematics, language, drawings, photos... even imaginary stories about some fictional characters. This stories were the entrance inside the core of myself... A personal way of getting my mind in order. And as someone who enjoys to analyze, since the early age, this was the only way of passing through and put in order this noisy head and heart of mine.
This habit, smearing the ink on the paper, with a nearby cup of a herbal tea and the music that will keep me focused, I create my personal stories. There is so many of them that my notebooks are now making a tall tower full of my moments.
Few day ago my last diary just made it to the last page and I couldn't resist to buy a new one right a way. I entered my favorite store to find the most representative notebook of all, aiming that this one will be the best.... 20 minutes I was thinking how ugly all of them are. 20 minutes I haven't experienced even a glance of - "Aha, I want this one!" moment.. But the time was tickling my stress and I just picked one... The one that will represent the journeys ahead of me.
Provoked by being unsatisfied, I decided to make the most beautiful title using some calligraphy methods, which will also make me practice the stillness of the hand, and be useful with my drawings.... Soooo, I messed it up. I literally made the worst calligraphy mistake ever.... Didn't wait to dry! Trying to fix it with some golden paint, I made it so ugly that I don't even want to express what does it look like to me!
Pretty representative I would say! On Croatian Život trena translated as Life of the Moment made me realize the irony: I truly messed up this moment! No coming back. I literally cried of laughter after explaining this to one lovely soul that keeps me company that what is not meant to be, it is not! I will leave it until I buy the new one.... And make it the most beautiful of all.
I slept over. Next day, I started fixing it. Everything can be fixed, I truly believe in this. And this baby will not be forgotten. This is my challenge to make it greater even though I already forsaken it to become a piece of trash.
I deeply believe that we have the solution to every challenge, and it sleeps somewhere inside our greatest labyrinths - our minds! Thinking creatively for fixing the problem will often wake up the strategy that is usually hidden from our everyday views and help us to fulfill our meaning! Meaning of our being! And it just popped up.... MomentUM! The moment that is always present, and cannot ever be reached... And UM which is Croatian word for MIND made this book my new little buddy full of personal symbolics! I learned that I need to cherish my mistakes... Who knows with what leactures will those mistakes surprise me in the future.