As some of you have read in my posts me and my ex had a still birth, well two years ago today.
To give a touch of background Willow was struggling from the onset really. There were worries she had Danny Walkers but this could not be confirmed. My ex had a history of Pre-eclampsia also which complicated things. As much as we highlighted by the time it was address it was too late for little Willow. Now we could blame those who did not take the precautions early; but where would that get us? We could just have easily said I could have made me ex's life less stressful helping to keep her blood pressure low. Clearly it was not the time for us to have a child and there will be some lesson in this whole experience, which I am yet to discover.
But today for me anyways is about recognising her brief six months she was with us. It was a happy time in between driving around the north of the country for various tests and probings. The way I see it is that yes it was horrible I mean watching a 16 hour labour when you know your baby has died; with someone you love shouting for it be over and "what kind of joke is this" fucking hurts. Then to hold your dead child in your hands rips your heart to shreds and I have never cried so much in my life i'll be honest. I'm not writing this to shock you; I need to write down for me to get it out, I've never talked about it with anyone in that much detail, for reasons I won't go into now.
To mark Willows time in @vibeof100monkeys style I had a fire in the woods...
I went to the spot I spread her ashes. Now if you going be the law officially you can just spread someones ashes anywhere but I want her to lie in nature so thats where she lies.
We arrived at her tree having collected some wood on the way.
After a few minutes this pile was transformed into a more fire worthy pile.
A quick burst from my lighter and magic fire.
I shared a moment with the fire Willow and nature, meditated maybe dropped a tear and remembered!
I then made sure the fire was out properly (very important) and headed home for a curry
Just to finish I would like to here the poem I wrote for her funeral, thank you for remembering her with me x
Willow,
It’s hard to know what to say
your time with us was so short
you were strong and my you fought
today we part, my saddest day
What was your potential
this we shall not know hey
with us will you will always stay
in our lives you will always be influential
Shedding a tear “i can’t believe we lost her”
could you have changed the earth
you had the ability, maybe in your next birth
In another life I hope you will prosper
In this existence we have not met
you gave momentous joy at times
so I give you these dedicated lines
not a moment we shall forget
You never set eyes on the countryside
But i will always think of your time
on this day raise a glass of wine
hopefully now you will guide
I’m now weeping Willow we say goodbye
