Do you have a burning desire to change? Or do you just think it's a good idea - something you should do?
Let's look at the role passion plays in making permanent changes in our lives.
Some of the smaller things in our lives, like getting dressed, can be simply a matter of practice and persistence until the action becomes habit. And some life-changing possibilities may be that simple. But more often than not, the things we want to change most in our life take a little more determination that that.
But determination cannot be drummed up out of thin air. It is usually born out of a powerful desire of some sort. When we feel an intense NEED for an outcome, object or result in order to persist with our actions, especially when the going gets tough, or the weather is bad, or when we are made fun of, or we face obstacles of any kind, then we are more likely to take action to fulfill that need.
There is a saying that goes: “Nothing worth having comes easy” .
There was never a truer word spoken in my opinion. But apart from the usual interpretation where people assume that it means: only the things we strive hard for are worth having. I also think that it illustrates how the things that are important to us often take time. It also illustrates how life is never all good or all bad, but tends to have its ups and downs.
Upswings are easy for us to ride; we are carried forward and upward on a wave of ecstasy, adrenaline and good feelings. However, downswings are not so easy to endure. We tend to flail and give-up, reading the natural downswing as a negative sign or proof that we cannot succeed, or even simply use them as an excuse to give up – after all it’s just too much hard work.
Because of this natural failing in our human make-up, we need more than a mere wish to drive us through ‘when the going gets tough’ or for the ‘long haul’. What we really need is an overwhelming need or desire.
Read any book or watch any movie about human triumph (“The Pursuit of Happyness” is a good one) and you will see that these incredible stories are full of obstacles and downswings.
But it is not determination alone that makes them achieve in spite of the odds, but a burning NEED or an overwhelming and passionate DESIRE that drives them. This in turn, provides the determination and ultimately the goal.
I would almost be inclined to state that: the determination generated to achieve a goal is in direct proportion to the power of need or desire associated with that goal.
Therefore if you just think it would be nice if… (insert desire), then you will generate almost no determination to achieve it and therefore you are very unlikely to ever to have it. However, if you absolutely must… (insert desire), then you will almost definitely generate enough determination to get you what you desire, no matter what.
I remember when I began working as a distributor for a network marketing company, and my sponsor was absolutely baffled why I had even become involved. This was because I had, at the time, very little mobility and the work involved delivering catalogues and goods door-to-door. Both of us were dubious about whether I could even cope with the physical demands of the work. But, at the time, I was on the verge of bankruptcy and had just sold my house (well below its market value) at the last minute to avoid repossession. I paid the debts associated with the property and had just about enough cash left from the sale to put a deposit and three-months rental up front on a rented house. I was then left with the grand total of £125 in my bank; three months to try to make an income in order to keep a roof over my head; and a mountain of creditors to pay.
Although the first couple of months were extremely hard work and slow due to my physical limitations, I managed to build my business and customer base to a level that I could manage my rent by the time it became due, then I continued to grow and increase my income. I was winning awards and recognition and asked to provide testimonials on my success.
I was receiving praise, admiration and respect from the people around me and I was making a good living. I was amazed. My sponsor was amazed. I felt that nothing could stop me and looked forward to things going from strength to strength and fully expected to keep rising through the ranks to the top.
About a year later, I was dismayed to find that my business was stalling. My sales figures (and my income) were dropping and I began to feel like a failure. What had gone wrong? I felt as if I was doing all the same things, so why were things going so sour?
I told myself that life is a series of swings and roundabouts and that this was just a blip that I would get through and recover from. Things didn’t improve. They slowly got worse.
Eventually, I began to despair and started to lose interest in the business and my mind began to search for alternatives.
Eureka!
Then finally, one day, I had an amazing ‘Eureka!’ moment. I suddenly realised that there was a massive difference between the year before and the now. The difference? My need!
By the time I had reached the height of my success in that business I no longer needed to make more money. Neither did I have any established desire for something that the work could provide. I had an income that sufficed, shall I say. In fact, it more than sufficed – so that might explain why my income actually dropped!
I tried to create desires, dreams and goals at that point. I even managed to create vivid mental images in an effort to drive me forward. I made plans to fulfill those dreams. Yet I did not improve, perhaps even slid a little further backward. How could this be?
After many hours of deliberations, re-reading of some of my favourite texts, and some deep thinking and meditation, I finally realised that the problem was that these ‘dreams’ were not true or real. No I do not mean that they were unachievable – they were fully achievable. No, the problem was that they were made up of the dreams and desires that I thought I should have; or things that I had heard others frequently talk about. But none – not even one – was uniquely mine and mine alone. In other words, they did not come from the heart and usually felt less than inspiring to my own set of values. They were – empty dreams, and so did not motivate me or inspire me, much less provide me with that much needed element – determination – to achieve them at all costs.
So I began to find reasons for NOT doing the work (the weather, lack of time, feeling unwell, etc), whereas, at the beginning, when I was succeeding, all I ever found were reasons for getting on and DOING the work (heat, food, somewhere to live, etc). See the difference?
Once I was aware of this revelation, I looked back over my life and realised that everything that I had failed at were things that lacked either NEED or DESIRE; and everything that I had ever succeeded at always had either Need or Desire or both.
I hope that you now fully understand how important these two factors are in determining your success at anything you wish to do or change about yourself or your life. It is important that you don’t just understand it at an intellectual level, as I did at first, but at a deeper, more profound level.
If so, then you will understand why this is the place to start before you try to change anything-you start by determining what it is that you really want or need.
Therefore, to find your PASSION, determine your NEED!
"So now I understand how to change my life. It begins with a burning need or desire. But I really don't know what I want. So what now?"
Unless you already have a burning desire about something, or an immediate need (like a roof over your head), my guess is that this will take some time and some real soul-searching. Do not skip this stage. It is fundamental to your success.
Pose the question to your subconscious and let it ponder. Try some brainstorming, by writing down anything and everything that comes into your head no matter how ordinary or wildly extravagant, no matter how bland and mundane, no matter how silly you think it might be.
For some people, fancy fast cars and big houses, exotic holidays and chic wardrobes, jewellery or your kids’ university education are burning desires. But for some people, myself included, they are not really burning desires but nice little wish list items that looked valid.
It might be something more ordinary, simple or mundane that inspires you. Something like: laser eye treatment, so that you can finally stop wearing those awful glasses; or perhaps to set-up and run a charitable foundation to support a cause that you care deeply about; maybe you want to sing, act or dance but lack the confidence to try; or what about swimming with dolphins or free-falling from an aeroplane?
Once you have exhausted your list (and this may take several days or even weeks). Sit down and edit it. How many of these things are ‘empty dreams’? In other words, things that you think you should want rather than what you do want. Remove them.
Which items can you simply not believe in at this time (Note: belief is an important motivator. If you do not believe it is possible you may be tempted not even to try. Although I firmly believe that anything is possible, and that you should not limit yourself, if you really cannot find it in your heart to believe it is possible for you then it is unlikely to inspire or motivate you into serious action. Perhaps you could save these items for a future list when you get closer to believing that they are, after all, possible.).
When you have finally examined and whittled down your list, then prioritise the ones that remain. Take the number one priority (maybe it is your only one), and focus on this one.
Remember that in order for us to achieve any goal we must be able to visualise it – so, now establish whether this desire or need is specific in nature. If it is – fantastic! You can begin planning. If it is more general or fuzzy, then your work now is to develop it into a clear, precise and specific image that you can ‘see’ in your mind’s eye.
For example, if your dream is: “To Travel”, this is a bit too vague and when you try to visualise this you may find that it is difficult to see anything specific, at best a few random images. However, if you can take this list item and start making it much more specific then you will increase both your emotional attachment to it as well as your chances of success. Ask yourself questions like:
1) Do I want to travel locally, nationally, or internationally?
2) What climate am I looking for?
3) What type of activities would I like to indulge in (sunbathing, activity, sight-seeing, cultural, safari, touring, camping, cruising, etc)?
4) What country (state, county, region, etc) do I want to visit most/first?
5) How long would I like to stay?
6) Do I want to go alone, or with company (and who with)?
7) What season or time of year?
Finally, it is often helpful, especially with planning, to decide upon a date that you would like to achieve this by. Without a deadline, people often find it much easier to procrastinate and put off plans. Many successful people attest to the power of using deadlines. Next July is much more likely to motivate you than Someday.
You might find yourself starting with “Travel” and end up with “I want to spend two weeks in France with my partner Jill in July next year. We will stay and explore the Champagne region and visit some of the best vineyards and wineries. We will stay in one of the charming gites and take long leisurely drives to soak in some of the local scenery and sights.” - Do you see the difference? Do you find it easier to visualise the latter?
The other advantage of this particular example is that once you have your detailed image with a deadline attached, it actually becomes a lot easier to plan how you will achieve this dream. You are able to make travel and accommodation plans, put together a budget, research and prepare any special paperwork or travel requirements, etc. Even while searching the internet, it would be so much easier to look up and cost French gites in the Champagne region in July and the costs and availability of flights to France in July, etc.. than it is to look up travel!
So, now you have a dream that you wish to pursue, it means something to you and is something you are passionate about or really need, it is believable and do-able. All you need now is a plan!