When I was in my teens, I remember the day I chose to be above average. I thought it might bring me more popularity and I could be part of the “in” crowd. It was a defining moment for me. It was a conscious choice and I wanted to be discerning about it. In my young 16-year-old mind, I remember thinking I wanted to have a normal life with normal friends.
I desperately wanted my family to be normal, especially my father, because he was not normal, and it embarrassed me… a lot. I was not one of those kids that was traumatized by my parents not showing up at school events. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I enjoyed when he wasn’t there. I felt safe away from my father’s embarrassing actions and lack of social graces. I envied the other kids that had normal parents and wished I did too.
Somehow, I associated having a normal life with having a better life and more acceptance. For 16-year-old me, being normal meant following the norms of what average people did so that I “fit in” as opposed to my perception that I looked like an outcast. It meant that I had what other privileged kids had.
I think I just wanted the other kids to stop making fun of my clothes, hair, and shoes. I wanted people to like me, be nice to me, and even admire me, so the pain of being less than normal would stop. There was only one problem; I went to a very rich school and my parent wasn’t socially graceful or rich. This combination was deadly for a high-school girl who desperately wanted to fit in and be liked.
So my 16-year-old self thought the day I decided to be above average was the day I decided to take control of my below average existence and become normal. I had always worked from the time I was 10, but at 16 you could get “a job”. I got a job and worked part-time at the local Dairy Queen. I thought I could buy my way into normal.
I worked hard, purchased what I wanted, saved money, bought my first car, and climbed the high school social ladder. Then, something began to change about me. I was getting authentic self-esteem because I was working for everything I got, versus it being given to me by my parents. This is when I learned that I had been confusing normal and mediocrity.
Being mediocre is being average and ordinary. I never wanted to be mediocre. I confused a normal life with having a mediocre life. What’s normal is determined by you. Success can be your normal, as well as mediocre.
Being average and ordinary is the definition of mediocrity. Being normal is establishing daily norms into your life that you want. It is something completely different than being average and ordinary.
Normal is determined by you. Normal can do with your state of well-being. When things are normal, like our temperature, blood pressure, or relationship, it represents a strong quality of life. There’s nothing wrong with normal, in fact I prefer it. Normal is a state of well-being.
Mediocrity can be part of your normal too, but not mine. I soon realized that I did not want to fit in. The truth is, I wanted to stand out in a positive way. This is important to know because people love to standout. I think this is a healthy aspect when it is used in an authentic manner. However, people who stand out in order to garner attention, belonging, or a false sense of self-esteem are what I call “toxic standing out”. This creates mediocrity.
If you want to say goodbye to mediocrity and truly stand out, it requires three things:
A Strong Willingness- This is a natural state where you are prepared to do something. It’s a state of readiness to act on your best interests. Are you prepared to rise above your current state? Are you willing to take a deep, long, look at yourself? Are you willing to be authentic? Are you willing to BE the truth and not just talk about it? Are you willing to be your own advocate? Are you willing to change everything about your life? If you want to say goodbye to mediocrity, you must have willingness to let go of your past you and develop into a new you.
A Sense Of What You Want To Become- What capabilities do you want to embody? When you begin the transformation, what do you want to transform into? For me, I wanted to develop the wisdom of Solomon. I wanted to be courageous and kind. I wanted to be authentic and respected. I wanted to be excellent at my work. I didn’t just want to be good; I wanted to be excellent! You will benefit most by setting the bar for yourself and what you want, because then you know the targets you want to hit.
Patience And Aspiration- Rome wasn’t built in a day. Excellence in anything takes practice, and that practice never stops. Masters practice every day. Greatness becomes a lifestyle we practice consistently for the rest of our lives. When we aspire for greatness, we take the bold and beautiful step to rise above mediocrity.
Saying goodbye to mediocrity adds quality of life, because achieving success, small or large, feels good. It doesn’t make you better than other people. You don’t become more special because you succeed; instead, you become happy. This happiness comes from being happy with yourself. You become proud of yourself, and this is how self-love can begin to grow. When you understand that success and rising above mediocrity is a reason to celebrate, you will feel good about yourself. You will begin to celebrate it and feel good about other people’s achievements, as well.
We can allow others to make choices for themselves, and realize those choices are what make them happy. One day, I realized that my father made choices not to be like everyone else. Secretly, and ever so quietly, he passed that lesson on to me. I’m actually grateful for my family, my friends, and who I’m becoming as I raise my bar above mediocrity daily.
Vickie Helm is a bestselling author, business and asset strategist, and the CEO of Smart Group Firm. She has improved the success of more than a thousand companies and the lives of thousands of individuals throughout her career. You can learn more about Vickie at https://smartstartstrategies.com or https://vickiehelm.com.