It seems that, while living in unprecedented times, many of the people living in them are unequipped to deal with the world around them. While this is understandable, to a point, there have been times in the recent days that I have been frustrated when having conversations with self pity. I know that self pity is not a person, but I have met it on countless occasions in the last few months. I was much more tolerant to it in the first days and weeks while the landscape of the world changed; to be fair, I am still quite patient when it comes to it' attitude, but my grace for it in the face of the unwillingness to adapt has greatly diminished in the past weeks.
Standing across from another human and hearing self pity poisoning their lips is much easier to stomach when they're willing to face the demons within themselves. Though my choice of words may offend some of those who have religious beliefs, I stand by the wording, for, self pity is a poisonous and toxic creature that embodies the very worst qualities of humanity. Woe is me who is harmed by the actions of others, for others are the reason for all ill will that befalls upon me: A living poison, freely drawn from the well of despair and drank thirstily by the hopelessly and negligently dehydrated, self pity is the enemy of the true, deliberate and resilient spirit of humanity. Those who choose to hide behind it, become its' victim and advocate, simultaneously, whether they're aware of it or not. This is the reason why grace still exists in my heart for those lost within it.
Though my patience has begun to fade with self pity, the grace in my heart for those that are unaware or who are willing to face it has grown exponentially. Though, it is trying and the muscle of patience must be exercised daily to allow my heart to win over the seething bitterness and hate or disinterest which grows in the absence of it; this is necessity. There have been many tests of my patience in the past days, and I haven't always won, but I will continue to do better, because trying is not enough. Trying is a scapegoat to the failure to take action. I'm lucky to know so many better examples of overcoming self pity or circumstance than I and maybe that's why it's difficult to be patient, at times, when listening to someone blame the world for their stubbed toe.
I had a conversation with self pity today and it was disguised as a warrior. There was little to no reasonable conversation to be had and for a moment, I lost my patience. Self pity drew me out into debate today, because it yearns for the lime light where may steal hope and abundance. I write this today to remind myself that it can only do so if I let it trick me. The only way to fight self pity is to see it for what it is and face it with the intent to destroy it with aggressive patience, love and kindness.
I will do better tomorrow, because trying is not enough.
Much love.
