What does this new word "compersion" mean?
Many people are throwing around this word "compersion" in the realms of love and relationships. Wikitionary says, "Noun. compersion (uncountable) The feeling of joy one has experiencing another's joy, such as in witnessing a toddler's joy and feeling joy in response. The feeling of joy associated with seeing a loved one love another; contrasted with jealousy."
What is love? Really?
A Google search defines basic love as "to feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone)" or "an intense feeling of deep affection." What? Attachment? That sounds more like codependency.
Misconceptions of love
Other's might say love can be weakness, love can be painful, love can make you do crazy things, love can break your heart, love can lift you up, love can make you feel whole or special, love can make you feel accepted. Again, these are all based on the codependent Hollywood idea that love is something you find - outside of you. That couldn't be further from the truth.
This is a narcissist's dream come true. You give until it hurts and they treat you like dirt. How many times have you said "but I'm so nice and good to them, why don't they love me?" Hate to break it to you, but you don't love yourself from within, you need approval from without to show you you are worthy. Just stop, now.
This is how dependency, addiction, co-dependency begins. This is when we start seeking approval from parents, peers and society so we can feel loved, worthy and appreciated.
Love is selfless, giving without needing reciprocation, surrendering, having compassion, forgiving even when they don't deserve it and overall basic human respect and honoring.
You are that which you seek. You are the well.
Imagine your body and your soul are like a well. This contains water from the heavens above that seeped into the soil, and taps into the water in the earth below you. The well contains the water and is connect to the source of the flow in an organic, effortless way once the path is opened. Yet sometimes you have to dig deeper when the well runs dry. This is how love works.
Love is an organic, effortless flow of energy that you receive from the heavens above and the earth below. It is not something you find in one person, thing or situation. It is something you GIVE and you ARE. So why run around borrowing cups of water from your neighbors when you have a well on your property?
When you are the well, then you have enough (love) to share. You are full already. You are able to have compassion for other's feelings, desires, and hurt. When we fear we will lose something that will affect our happiness, we cannot offer love to the other. But when we are full, it is easy to give love because we have an abundance that is overflowing.
When the well runs dry.
Keeping the well full is an important task that takes effort, consistency and dedication to yourself. Ways to fill the well include nurturing yourself, getting ample rest, connecting with nature, saying no when you feel it, saying yes to what brings you joy, positive journal writing, eating healthy and so on. Sometimes you have to hit "rock bottom" and break through it until you realize you need to dig deeper and tend to your well.
So how does compersion fit into all of this?
When you have compersion, not only can you feel for them, you can allow them to be happy - without you. This is a selfless act of giving someone the space to enjoy themselves in an environment that doesn't have anything to do with you. This means being happy for your child who wants to travel the world and explore their dreams, and leave you behind. This means allowing your partner to go out with friends and have fun - without you. Their joy brings you joy because you selflessly care enough to just want them to be happy. You are able to let go and not be "attached" (as Google defines love) and trying to "keep" them as "yours".
Power of attraction.
Compersion can also be used as a powerful attraction tool. Admiring and being inspired by another person's joy (instead of being jealous or green with envy, or focusing on what you lack) can attract and create positive experiences in your life. What you focus on grows.
This can get sticky and out of balance in relationships. Too much time spent with another (and away from you) can just plain diminish your special connection, and create more separation in a relationship that was created to foster togetherness and support. Balance and communication are important here.
Please feel free to comment below with your experiences with compassion, selfless love and compersion for others.