Everything was moving slow. It was more like a movie. Someone was trying to pull me out of my car. My seat belt had locked me to my car, I was choking, and breathing was becoming tough. I could feel a wet spot right under my neck near my chest. I was bleeding, and I heard someone speak and say, “I guess he is not going to make it.” I was never a man to accept defeat. And I don’t know what part of me wanted me to try. I tried to flex my arms move my legs and move. For the first time in my life I felt that I was going to lose this battle. There was deep radiating pain all over my body. It was as if death was knocking my door for one last time before I let it in for a quick embrace. That is when I realized that I wouldn’t be able to make it. I had read this somewhere. ”When death comes just let go, let all the thoughts clear off your mind. Let the death get over you, it will be warm, it will slowly embrace you, and that is the best form of love you will ever experience because it is real and permanent.” It just flashed as I choked for one more time. My lungs were now leaking blood after being punctured by the steering rod. I was not sad realizing that I was going to die, but I was sad because I was about to lose a battle, a battle of life against death. I grunted trying to get rid of my seat belt, I could see blood running out of my mouth, it was spreading on my shirt. I was losing it.
Everything that I had done in life was just running in front of my eyes. I was a spectator watching my life. It was more like a movie without brakes. My first class, my first bag, my first bike, the only girl I loved, the first degree which I got, the friends who came in and went out, the enemies whom I fought, the spirits of life that I carried well within me, the first job, the first fight, the first bike accident which had left me in a pool of blood. Everything was fast. And at that moment of death I was trying to concentrate on something good. Or was it something bad? There were many good things. Family, parents, sister, friends. But yeah out of all the things that I could think of, I wanted to think of was ‘Her’. She had been a change, a good change in life. Like every other guy I was becoming a responsible man once she came to my life. She was making me THE MAN I was.
But she didn’t think that way. She would always say me, “Dude you know what your problem is? You overdo things. But I know how to handle you. I will make you move on. And you will hate me when you do that”. In simple words, my love was not a successful one. She didn’t love me for a reason which she never said. I had girls falling for me but I was behind her. I was charming, but that was not enough to win her. But yet again like the man I always was I wouldn’t give up that easily. I had promised her that she was the only one whom I would ever love. She would laugh out in sarcasm, “You can never have me. You are a strong wind, and I am a tall tree. You will break me when you embrace me. So it’s better that you change your path, and I’ll change mine.” she had told. Fire and wood cannot live together; you need to know,” She had told. I was in tears.
I don’t remember the last time before this that I had cried. I don’t remember. Failure was one thing which never caught me. I was a Gladiator when it came to wins. I would hunt it down all the time. I would win all the time. I would win even now. But this battle with her was different. She was as good a soldier I had ever fought. She probably was better than anyone I had fought. And now I feel that she was better than me I guess. That’s why I lost to her, in love.
I was now hallucinating. It wasn’t the trauma of the accident. I didn’t fear sudden changes. I had seen this come as well. I was thinking about me, about her, about us to be precise. And I was stepping the pedal very hard. I was accelerating, the freeway was clear. I had hit almost 170 miles per hour when I had last seen my speedometer. All of a sudden this happened. I hadn’t seen this come. I should have been a bit more careful, there was a “Curve ahead go slow “sign board. Well nothing to worry I had over a Lakh kilometers of driving experience behind me. But the road was slippery, I hadn’t changed my summer wheels yet. That wasn’t a big problem, but the problem was with me. I was dreaming. I was dreaming about her. In my dreams she said, “I lost it dude, and you won, I love you. “ I had replied in a raspy voice, “No honey, we win, love wins, and no one loses.” But every dream has to end, every man has to wake up. I woke up. But it was a bit too late. I was almost off road. I had to steer right almost a 60 degree turn. At maybe over 180 miles an hour. It was tough, but I didn’t have a choice. There was a flash
I could see the world revolve, I could see it happen, and my SUV had flipped over. It had got off the divider and my wheels had landed on the other side of the road. I was facing fast moving traffic in the opposite direction. And there was a big container truck moving in my direction. He was also too fast. Even in that state I could calculate his speed. He was probably a 110 or 120 miles per hour and he took me on face to face!! He hit breaks, but it was late. Boom!! There was a head on collision.
Well it was too late now. Someone trying to feel my pulses, it was weak, my heart beat was falling down. Well I remembered this lines which I always said to her. ”I rise beyond my inabilities, beyond my weaknesses. I rise to succeed because my heart still carries fire of life in it. And you have ignited the spirits in me to achieve things beyond my reach and to make you proud. And if it takes my life to make ends meet, I am happy, to give it to you.” Well I had promised her this. But I now felt that I was betraying her. I was dying. But that was destiny. I had no control over it. I wanted to fight it, but I couldn’t. My eyes were flashing with great difficulty. I wasn’t feeling pain, may be the brain was flushed with signals. It was pumping adrenaline. That’s what it does by instincts. It had registered a shock, and it was a response to stimuli. But all that I wanted was to see the rain. It was what she loved. I tried hard for one last time. I pressed my head against the steering wheels, used all my strength to get the seat belt of. I heard someone say, “ Whoa, this guy is a tough bastard. He is still fighting. I gave a faint laugh. Someone managed to get my doors open. I had managed to get my belt off. They pulled me out. They said you will be fine. I laughed because I knew that they had lied. I was dying. I just opened my eyes wide. Rain drops fell on my eyes and they washed blood. They washed tears, they unified her love in me. I wanted to see her, she wanted to see rain. Probably I saw her in rain. In those droplets of water. I didn’t want to lose her.
I kept my eyes open. And that was it. Someone said,” I guess he is dead.” They wanted to close my eyes. I said for one last time. “Don’t do that, keep them open. I want her to see me and she will know the look in my eyes, she will know how tough a bastard I am! I never gave up. I loved her and I still love her.” I wanted to say more, but my time had elapsed, I was done!!I was dead …Did she come to see me???