''Love is a choice you make everyday. '' -Gary Chapman
Happy Saturday gang! 🌞
I hope this post finds you well.
Today Sabi girl is back with part 12 of reflections on loving. 💕
Living happily in love is one of the most difficult experiences of adult life.
While love has no guarantees, a magic trick or two can make the difference between making love grow or make it crumble.
If you thought I was done with the negativity bias, I’ve got some new for you.
I’m not!
Our brain is constantly on the radar to detect potential problems, even when there are none in sight. (You can blame our ancestors for that one 😉 )
Just like physical exercise requires regular practice to make our muscles become stronger, our brain needs the same kind of exercise to become better.
Assuming the best out of our partner can become a habit, but a habit only becomes one once it is repeated times and times again.
Because as you may know, almost all of our behaviors stem from our unconscious.
We often hear the oh so common ''communication is key'' or ''communication can save a relationship''.
While it is true, no one says how to do it properly and in a healthy and constructive way.
The way we say things is more important than what we say, but we often do it the other way around.
It is a myth to think that having no conflict whatsoever means that one relationship is healthy.
Conflicts are in fact inevitable as long as we will remain human, as we are all different.
It’s the way they are handled, however, that will make the difference.
Addressing the issue, and never attacking the person, are words to live by in love.
To listen to one another and hear about each other’s perspective, without being defensive.
And while at it, it’s important to consider that most conflicts (unfortunately for your ego) will always remain unsolvable. (Not my words! 69% of marital conflict remain unsolvable. Thanks to the one and only John Gottman.)
The best way to go at it is to cultivate understanding and acceptance of our differences.
And that’s also the hardest thing to do, at least for most of us.
Assume the best because simply, we often assume the worst. (once again darling, the negativity bias kicks in. It’s human nature 😉 )
The best way to do it is to wake up in the morning and to choose deliberately to remind ourselves that we are lucky to share our heart and our life with our partner.
It’s the same concept as having a gratitude journal.
Micro habit, but that goes a long way.
There has to be some sort of positive reinforcement in order for it to become second nature.
Look for the good in your lover.
And listen to this kick ass advice:
''Your mate is both ever-so right for you, at least in some ways, and at the very same time utterly wrong for you in other ways. Trading our spouses out for newer ones if often a matter of trading one person’s imperfections and irritating habits for another person’s. ''
Sorry honey, but the real test will come after the post-honeymoon phase, alright? 😉
Love is patient and kind.
Love is acceptance and empathy.
Love is giving each other space to reinvent ourselves, year after year.
💜 💫 💜 💚 💫 💚