A Memoir
I am now beginning the final phase of my memoir. In the next articles, I will explain in length the practical steps and methods that will most surely place you firmly within the current of Realization. This, in time, will bring you the desired life-long relationship you seek. The articles that I have published so far are important and the teachings there must be exercised before full use of the next steps are taken. Good luck to you all and remember, TrueLove IS Now!
Credit: Marija Tiurina
While so far you have gone through a lot and accomplished a great deal on your journey towards realization, your current way of life is still dualistic. This fact shows itself in your romantic relationships as well. Sometimes you try to create for yourself a relationship or even to solve a situation only to find out eventually that despite all your efforts it seems that you repeatedly collide your heads with a high thick wall.
The duality now is found more in your surrounding environment and represents the remnants of the minor battles that go within you. The examples are numerous:
- your spouse has just returned home from work, he says nothing and looks very pensive. All of a sudden he bursts out at you;
- or a different situation in which your best friend suddenly stops answering your phone calls and hardly speaks with yo.
In such situations, you try to figure out what has happened, what have you done wrong, what is going on with your loved ones and mostly how can you fix that. You try with all your heart and soul to be there for them, to touch, to caress, to give them the feeling that everything is alright and that they can indeed share with you what they feel. In situations like these that are commonly found in every dualistic relationship and in which you may find yourself tirelessly struggling, you sooner or later realize that all your efforts bear no fruit and sometimes even worsen the situation.
That is caused, in the most part, by the mistaken perception of reality. Some of you do not realize yet that in the Universe there is a continuous creative process which can subside only when you release and allow it to flow. For years and generations, the propensity of man has been to fight to change situations, to struggle for things to happen, to invest energy and force, never giving in, never letting go, never breaking down. However, as many are beginning to find out, such ways are extremely tedious and no wonder you as well feel exhausted.
The human mind is inclined to cause you to try and fix your spouse, to heal what hurts them, to change the way they dress or act in public, to teach them how to properly take care of the children and even the way they behave towards you. However, there is no use in all that because the energy at this side of the True-Love gate, is not dualistic, and therefore all your efforts are doomed to fail. It is important to understand that the methods that used to work and which have been correct or appropriate when you lived a dualistic relationship are not valid anymore. You have changed, you have worked on yourselves, you have converted ways of life, beliefs and desires; now, when you are new and different, do not expect that the old ways would still work. Such expectation might gravely frustrate you.
From now on in order to understand the process through which Realization will enter your life it is imperative that you detach yourselves from situations and events that happen in your day to day living. Creating TrueLove, creating relationships, is no longer a question of active doing but of a complete allowing. It is a question of thorough acceptance of all the things that exist right now in the life that you carry off and in the lives that other people around you experience.
Credit: Italian artist Francesca Colussi Cramer
How to live
From now on do not try to influence an external situation but rather be in a state of fully living with it. So far you used to send out love, light and positive praying thoughts for the betterment of a certain upshot. When you were watching the eight o'clock evening news and heard of a deteriorating security situation in a remote part of the world or of the worsening of your domestic economy, you used to feel that issue in your hearts and either you prayed for a positive change or became angry with those who you perceived responsible. Many, upon hearing bad news, blame the whole world, curse the state, the corrupted statesmen, the self-centered politicians and the foreigners in general. Now you are required to demonstrate a different approach to life which says to accept and to allow everything, including those things on the news, to exist in your reality without trying to change them and without expressing any judging opinion relating to them. Simply, to fully live with everything without labeling or judging it.
This acceptance that I speak of has to be demonstrated in all areas of life and not merely in relationships. When you encounter a malady, when you’re sick, do not fight the process, do not get mad at your body, do not hate the pain and do not force the healing. Thus far when you have encountered emotional stress, a depression, you diligently struggled to heal the situation. You went to see psychologists, you visited various advisors and special guides, and you participated in workshops and courses which for a while did indeed help you. Momentarily you did feel better but nevertheless, you have not received a complete and thorough solution for your problems. Now, you are requested and advised to quit the old ways, to cease from doing all those activities and to simply allow that emotional situation to exist within you. Be peaceful with this. Can you?
Do understand that the experiences that you went through in your life and in your relationships, in particular, were an expression of the duality, of light and dark, of good and bad, of right and wrong, of love and hate. As caring and socially involved human beings you took sides, you chose one position and you courageously fought for it because you believed it was appropriate. Now you are wise enough to know that all those incidents took place in a dualistic system in which TrueLove does not and cannot reside.
Instead of choosing sides and in lieu of investing energy in them, rather than preferring one over the other and judging who is right - whether it is you, your spouse, or a third party - take one step outside and away from the conflict, observe it from and accept the situation exactly as it is.
Allowing is not avoiding
But be cautious with this new approach: If an argument flares up between you and your spouse you are not requested to untie the relationship and run away expressing by that your “non-judging and non-involvement position”! Alternatively, merely avoid being involved in the conflict itself or affected by it. Look at the dynamics that the argument creates and have a new understanding regarding the shape and the way in which events happen, build up and later fade away. Then you will finally realize how the energy is molded - by you; how the arguments, the confrontations, are merely a flow of concise energy into your life which if allowed to exist would also fade away very quickly.
When your friend tells you about the big fight she had last evening with her boyfriend over his behavior on their last trip together and how much sadness and hurt he had caused her, then instead of automatically taking her side as you usually do, or instead of adopting the peacemaker role, simply avoid getting involved in the conflict. Take one big step backward, listen to your friend but consciously make it very clear to yourself that this time you choose not to be involved; not physically, not mentally and especially not emotionally.
Evidently, such decision will not be easy to consistently follow if the people around you are accustomed to seeing you as the one who always fulfills the mediator function, the one who brings the peaceful solution, the one who tries to fix any problem that occurs. You may also feel that this new stance that you choose to take, takes a great portion of your essence. After all, your involvement in every situation so far has given meaning to your existence, made people ask for your advises and therefore made you feel important and powerful. And since such situations demand from you to be extremely emotionally involved the change would not be an easy process.
The non-judgment principle
However, here also lie the best opportunities to learn and to grow and to understand the unique world in which TrueLove operates.
Live with everything in your life without judgment and especially in those things that you encounter in your daily life. Obviously, you are expected to face some heavy challenges because the propensity to get involved, to jump right into the boiling lava of the situation, will not disappear just like that. Nevertheless, stand aside, let the process to flow and to proceed as it is and simply observe what happens without judging the people who are involved and without judging your sheer desire and choice to remain neutral. Simply stay behind. Practice and train this new attitude, test your responses to events that enter your own reality and compare your new reactions to those you used to make in past similar situations.
Are you still annoyed by the noise that your neighbor makes on Saturday night? Are you still sad because of global warming? And what about your spouses - are you still trying to change them? Are you still trying to advise them on how to live “properly”? And regarding yourself - do you unconditionally accept who you are? The way you look? Short, tall, fat, thin, beautiful, ugly? Can you find the strength to accept yourself exactly, but exactly, as you are right now in this moment? Hmmm…… Not an easy challenge, is it?
Gather all your strengths, the full scope of the self-discipline that you have gained, and live with everything in your life without judging it. Everything! The things that take place at your doorstep as well as those you hear of on the late night news. Do not worry about the peace in the world; do not bother yourselves with questions of Environment. All you have to do is to observe what happens in the world around you, in your private world and globally, without judgment, without trying to fix neither others nor yourselves.
There is nothing to worry about; In particular not about an undefined misty future. Your role is not to save anybody so stop being involved in every situation; stop trying to repair everything that you think is broken. Simply as put, your old ways of behavior only took you further away from TrueLove.
This new attitude to life will not disconnect you from reality. You will still listen to the media, to read newspapers, to hear other people complaining, but this time your responses will indeed be different. Numerous emotions will float out from within your; Pain, compassion, love, and happiness - you will definitely feel those - but this time just accept them. When you hear about a nature disaster or about a family tragedy and feelings of sadness and concern sweep your soul - watch from aside and accept; observe from the side with extreme Compassion.
Credit: Artist Juan Fontanive
What is compassion?
It may surprise you but compassion is not mercifulness regarding other people’s lives nor it means feeling pain and showing a bleeding heart. The true meaning of compassion is the recognition that every human being has his or her own special way of life that had been chosen by them in order to make them manifest their value fulfillment in the best way possible. Do not feel sorry for others; do not cry for other people’s lives because you do not know their challenges and their choices in this reality. Instead of pathos and pity, accept and honor them with all your heart.
True compassion is observing from the side and honoring life as it is.
There is a close connectedness between allowing everything without judgment and TrueLove because now you are residing in a totally new territory that is within the kingdom of love. Here, everything is different, all the known phrases, the beliefs about reality and how life is being created. All that you have known in the dualistic energy is different. Now it is high time to let go of old and inefficient notions, to release irrelevant beliefs that only hold you back and impede you from progressing towards a much happier reality. These beliefs, these old world views that you have brought from the dualistic world, block you, literally, from seeing the true reality in which your dreams exist. Humans have the old habit, caused by fear, not to allow anything familiar to be gone until something new takes its place, something tangible that can be seen and grasped. Therefore, this is not a minor challenge for you - to release your old ways of life even before a solution is seen on the horizon.
I tell you about the Kingdom of love, about fulfilling your dream that you have regarding meeting your loved one, I outline Realization, but still, you are required before anything else, to give up the familiar and known. This is indeed a challenge.
In the past, you didn’t know any better but to struggle and to fight for things that are your birthright – loving, healthy and happy relationship. You were possessed, so to speak, by a hidden fear that if you stopped actively looking for partners, stopped going to dates, worked on your relationship, renewed and rejuvenated your life and relationship, then something horrible might eventually happen and you would be dragged into a chasm into which so many couples have fallen before you. You have aggressively fought to keep your family intact and unharmed; you feared that something might happen to your children, to your spouse, you feared of the things that people might say about you, you feared a failure that would ruin your reputation forever. You spent countless nights thinking about how evil and wrong you were, about the mistakes you have done and how to fix all that. Eventually frustrated, in despair, you fell asleep without the slightest knowing regarding what would happen the next morning. Undoubtedly, life in the old world was not easy. Now however you are in a new place, a different place, much more sublime.
The first principle then, says - live with everything in your life without judgment.
Absorbing this principle will create a reunion of the divided parts into one complete essence, from duality to unity. If you don’t take one step backward and observe the events from the side you will still be involved in the confusion, the chaos of the dualistic life and you will not succeed to understand how you affect others. When you recognize a complex situation in your life, in your relationship, consciously decide that this time you will not be involved but rather choose to observe the entire event from an external position. The more you practice the more the habit of non-judging observance will become a part of your daily behavior; you will be able to estimate situations in your reality in ways that currently escape your rational understandings. You will be able to understand the precise reasons for the behavior of others, especially those who are related to you, and thus your responses will be much wiser and more appropriate. You will begin to understand that life situations cannot be categorized to good or bad and although it is very tempting to choose to be on the right side, to support the enlightened side, in practice this righteousness is not only inappropriate but very much impossible.
When your spouse comes home from work and complains how difficult it was for him at work, how much his boss hates him and wants to see him failing etcetera, instead of taking his side and allegedly fulfilling the Loyal and supportive spouse, consciously choose only to listen without getting involved, without choosing sides. From this new place of yours, you will finally understand the martyr position that your spouse has been carrying with him for so many years. That position is expressed in everything that happens to him, including in the relationship with you. Such understanding can help you to help him in a deeper and more appropriate way than in the previous condition in which you both cried over “how poor and underestimate” the poor fellow was.
Indeed I know it is not an easy task and great inner work is demanded from you to change the way you behave in all areas. Do understand though that from now on everything can be much less tiring for you, without the frustration, without the anger about life that no longer works for you. The zest for life that you have lost so long ago is right around the corner. Your personal and intimate TrueLove awaits that you open your eyes and your heart and acknowledge its existence. Stop being involved so much. Allow life to follow its own free and limitless way. Live with everything that happens without judgment
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