Worst Decisions in Life?

Many of us won’t have the luxury of looking back at life and wondering if we ever went wrong, or at which point we went wrong. Most of us are too focused on the problems and challenges in life, that looking back is not an option. But looking back and taking stock is one good habit. It tells us if we are on the right track or not. That’s how we know if we have to realign to correct our path.

I was taught from an early age by some great teachers that I should take stock and look at where I am headed. Just heading anywhere could lead me somewhere or nowhere. If I don’t check the path, I won’t know if I am doing well or not. I took this advice seriously, and I did an introspection. Sadly, this introspection was too late in life. This was at a time when my mind had labelled me as a failure, good for nothing, and a total waste to my family.

What Does That Mean? | And What Happened?

The blessed few wouldn’t have to deal with thoughts that cripple from the inside. But I was an unlucky recipient of these crippling thoughts, and it led to an infamous ailment – depression. I was suffering from it and drowned in debilitating thoughts. In such a situation, I could literally do nothing right. Even if what I did was right in the eyes of others, my mind would butcher me nonetheless. Who do you think this was in my mind? We will come to that shortly.

But I got help. The help was timely and great. As my condition started to improve under the guidance of a counsellor, I reached a stage where I could look back and check where I went wrong. Why did I have to check? Because, I was the top of my class in school and college, I was one of the brightest in my first job, got done what my peers couldn’t, I was the youngest to receive stock options in my second job, was one of the few to be elevated very fast in the third job, and yet here I was struggling to accept myself? How did that happen? Anyone with this kind of past credentials would be soaring in high self-confidence. I was the exact opposite, though.

Where did I go wrong? The answer did not come straight away. As I started cleaning my mind through energy exercises with God’s help, my past cleared up to show me the exact point where I veered off the track.

Where Did I Go Wrong? | More importantly, Why Did I Go Wrong?

I remember, at the peak of my achievements, I had this nagging self-doubt, and yet an intermittent feeling of invincibility. These were two contradictory thoughts, which got me confused. And then came the most not-so-obvious suggestion of my life. I believed it was my own thought. Oh, how wrong I was!

Let me write down the thought first, and then I will elaborate.

“How can I ask God for success? Isn’t that cheating? I should succeed on my own and then show God how well I put to use what He created (me). I can’t keep disturbing God.”

On the face of it, it looks like an innocent thought. A very straightforward idea that any proud son, even in an earthly relationship with his biological father, would love to do. Make my father proud by being the best version of myself. This works for biological relationships, but not for spiritual ones.

What do I mean? While on earth, I can work independent of my dad, but I can never work independent of God. Ohhhhh boy, did I learn that the hard way!!

Going Wrong | Going Very Wrong!

You see, I have come to realize, from strong personal experience, that when you sideline God, you don’t stand neutral. There is nothing called “neutral” between Heaven and hell. When you keep Heaven away, hell is already whispering in your ears. Hell only plays dirty. Heaven gives you free will and respects your free will. The other side does not care a hoot about your free will. No God means yes to hell.

This is not me quoting from some self-help book, or a religious one. This is my experience. Having grown up in a Christian family, I was always blessed by my Father in Heaven, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, but then I went ahead and made a stupid mistake. You cannot show your expertise to God by distancing yourself from God. Heck, you cannot show your expertise to God even by staying close to God. Why? Because He knit you in your mother’s womb.

For You formed my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Psalm 139:13

He knows you more than you know yourself. And I thought I was going to surprise such a Being by my performance without taking his help. It was practically impossible. Thank God, that even though I left His hand in an attempt to do it myself, He did not let go of me. Read that again! And again!

Now then, where did this brilliantly stupid plan of distancing myself from God come from?

The Ungodly Whispered | And I Unwittingly Followed

The minute I say demon, evil spirit, the devil, satan, notice how you think I am just speaking in the air without any substance. Notice how you even lose interest in reading on, thinking that I have gone overboard with my analysis. You, or at least some of you, are thinking there is no devil or there are no attacks from hell. You think that I am just over exaggerating my analysis. Well, guess what, that’s exactly how satan would want this world to be - always doubting God, but never questioning the devil; so much so, that it makes you believe that it does not even exist.

Should I even tell you who came up with that wicked idea of letting go of God’s hand to prove myself? Well, well, not so hidden now, huh? There is no place for the evil one when God reigns in your life. The minute you let go, that’s when you drown in hell. So, irrespective of how successful I was, here I am just coming out of depression. To make you believe, here is something you can do.

Go to Johns Hopkins or some reputable medical sites and check the cause of “depression”. I will let you know the answer, but you should check for sure.

“There is no clear cause of depression.”
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/depression

And if you think depression is a medical condition, you couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth is that we are constantly bombarded by the evil one, we lose track of God’s light, we fall into the abyss of darkness, we see no hope, we don’t know how to stand up again, and lo and behold, we are in depression. I am not making this up; this is my exact experience.

But there is good news.

God Is Still the Most Powerful One | Nothing Can Harm You | Even When You Have Difficulty Believing in Him

All of the ailments, all of the challenges, all of the issues seem too big or insurmountable when God is far from you. Call Him to you, submit to Him, and witness the miracles in your life. God responds. Every. Single. Time.

So, going back to the start, where did I go wrong in life? I went wrong in my inadvertent belief of making it big in life without God. That’s where it all went terribly wrong. The good news is that I am back. I never thought I could. So, the only reason I am back is because of God. There was no way that I could have come out of the abyss myself.

I hope that you, too, find God most blessedly, and I sincerely wish you don’t have to experience life the way I did. God is just a heartfelt call away. Pick up your heart and call Him.

May the Lord Jesus bless you abundantly!

Image Courtesy: Mental Health by Mohamed_hassan at Pixabay(dot)com