Why do I write about my own life, and why do I post it here on Hive?

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Why share my own stories with the world?

Ok first, I've been trying to find the way to express my goals here on hive with my posts. I've written a post or two about wanting to speak raw and I've shared a little of my story. The truth is that it is really difficult shit to share and as such has been equally difficult to explain my reasoning. I'm not consistent in my posting because it's straight up to emotionally taxing. Yet, I have to share it and now I need to share why.

Look, I've experienced deep trauma, not as deep as some and much deeper than others. I've also had times of wild success and failure, again much greater and smaller than others. I've traveled a lot and experienced life in other cultures.

Sharing the cool things I've seen, done, experienced... feels good a lot of times. When I came to Hive the first time my main focus was to inspire. Yet, when I came back to Hive this time I began to share my pains, sorrows, and trauma. Why I'm sharing these things with the world is what I'm really answering with this post.

When I was young I wondered why no one else around me was really adventurous. Why was I the only one in my social groups willing to risk it all exploring and experiencing?

I pondered this a lot in my adolescence and early adulthood.

On my first trip to Nicaragua, I was told by a friend there that she was taught to listen to travelers by her father so she made a point to always get their viewpoint on things.

This stuck with me.

I pondered it for a moment before realizing that the answer to my earlier question as a child was actually quite simple.

Someone has to tell stories.

Stories must be told. This is their nature. I realized I was meant to tell stories because I have them. Things in my stories would often awaken something in another person. A memory, thought, perception, whatever.

But I'm not just telling stories. I'm expressing real pain, sorrow, envy, distress, misery, and so on with this new approach.

These are topics that are often hard for people to read. You may just not want to read things that sound or feel negative. You may also not want to relive some things from your past. There are many genuine reason a person my not want to read the type of material I'm writing today. Knowing this, and other things from this post, will help you understand that I'm not after popularity. There are many things I could do to market myself and my work and even to make my posts look better. I've studied and done it. I'm not really caring about that right now. I may in the future.

So why do it then? Why share the negative stories?

I have these stories. Telling them helps me get past them in my own life. When I write a story from my past it takes all damn day. I cry through most of it and it's an overwhelming experience, for me personally, to be writing and exposing parts of myself that most of the world would gladly hide.

There has been something I've been wanting to put into good words since I came back to Hive that I recently saw in easy words finally. It went like this:

"One day your stories of the hardships you've had to overcome will be another persons instruction manual."

This right here is how I have felt for a couple years now and what brought me back here to hive. I've tried to find ways to express this feeling since returning. I know that by being courageous enough to share shit that others just wouldn't have, someone else might see something they've dealt with that was fucking scary somehow and feel stronger or more inspired. That somewhere there sits a person quietly reading alone and sees something relatable about what I've shared, presented in the scariest way I can possibly share it, publicly. That this person can use anything I've learned, or they can glean, from my stories to help themselves or another.

To humanize the fact that we all have fucked up shit. To expose these negative feelings for what they truly are, something we all have. Hiding from the fact that a person has been, or is being, negative is not healthy.

Yet, today it's all the rage.

"Get these negative things/people out of my life!", right?

Sounds harmless.

Is it though?

No.

Getting all the negative shit out of your life will literally never fucking work. Plus, today what that is really doing is ruining otherwise good connections between people when one of them has something tough they are dealing with. It gets you high like cocaine because you feel like you're climbing by letting go of that "negative person" or this one, yet... you're not.

There is this misguided idea that you will magically find the perfect people for you to be around that will always make you have super happy rainbow unicorn farts that taste like Twinkies.

This is false. You won't find these mystical humans, and if you do, congratulations because you've just surrounded yourself with a pile of fake people or robots.

You can however, find people that will deal with your crazy ass over long periods of time despite the shit you bring to their world. These people will stick around and help if shit fucks up for you.

Twinkie farts from earlier won't.

The minute your farts no longer taste like Twinkies, you're out on your ass because the connection was built on a lie. One could of course argue that you're sharing the idea of misery with them if you deal with people when they become negative.

The greater argument of course being that to keep them around you, you've kept a friend.

Throwing people away because they are to negative for you literally means that you are not their friend, or that you were and have just thrown away a functioning friend so you could taste Twinkie farts. It also amplifies whatever negative shit you saw in them because you were pretending friendship with them then quit.

Lastly, to show, over time, that hardships can be overcome and hopefully a few ways how. In a very real and raw, non fiction way.

What are the drawbacks of sharing my trauma?

For starters, I have to relive it... painful.

It has me far less tolerant of bullshit.

It scares off would be friends.

It could be hard shit to read.

It has me seeming more sensitive than normal.

It's not popular stuff to talk about.

Why do I still post it here on Hive?

It's where I started blogging is the first reason.

It's still a crypto site and I dig crypto.

I found good people, dug in and helped to create some stuff here.

This place is pretty small when compared to other social media platforms, which makes it feel less public, more extended private. Which just helps me have the nerve to do it.

I had some successes here with a couple projects of my own.

What do I want to share?

Everything.

I want to share my whole story. I'm not some crazy rich, famous person. I'm a person, living in the same world as many other people. Having many of the same fears and flaws. No one is looking up Michael David from Poduck, Indiana to see what the hell his life must have been like, and that is the point.

I want to share the fears, faults, what led me where and why. What I've learned from those experiences, how that learning develops over time.

I feel like there are enough people out there telling you to stay positive, keep trucking, or it gets better. I feel like people need more depth to that conversation. That to much of it is just hype spread by the masses and not enough is really understood.

Like, "How the fuck do I apply that shit that guy said to my life?", right?

A self help guru can tell you all the shit they have learned but I'm not used to many that are willing to share the how, when, and where of what they fucked up, how it affected them, what responses happened in them, from others and so on. I feel like this clarity is really needed in order to actually help people.

The study of the mind is not only held by those with schooling in the field.

It's something we should all do to some extent. We should all study the mind at least some. After all, we all have one and it is literally the center of what we do as conscious beings. To understand the mind is to understand self.

We are mostly starting from similar place when it comes to consciousness. Our minds begin clear. One can never sort a drawer that they have not seen. To sort a drawer, you must understand the size, etc. about the drawer and have seen the items contained in the drawer needing the sorting.

The same is true with the mind, so knowing what you can about it is quite helpful. Seeing someone else's potential bad decisions and where it led them can help an aspiring person do, or get through, who knows what.

Tying it Together

My goal now on Hive is to share my personal stories of success and hardship. Of being defeated and of winning. Along with some that may seem fantastical, yet are quite true.

It's taxing shit to do and will take time. Don't expect chronological order. If, over time, I've compiled something worth a damn, I'll consider publishing some of it.

by Michael David
Co-founder of #thealliance and loyal since before the egg.