I woke up this morning with a general feeling of not doing anything. It was as a result of stress from the past few days of hard work, the cold weather and a lack of sleep last night.
I tried so hard to motivate myself to do something important this morning, which was a rare case for me. And I felt bad in a way. I began to doubt myself and kept on wondering if anything I do is worth it.
I sat here on the couch and kept on wondering how to get this feeling out of my head. Should I just give up doing anything today? Should I just give up what I do, bcos I’m not as good as I envisioned myself to be?
This what i was considering definitely. But I knew this mild desolation was a temporary thing and so I started thinking about many possible solutions. And then most of them actually worked - just like some tiny tricks of the mind that have a strong effect in reality.
This is most of them that worked, in hopes that it will help you if you ever feel this way..
1. I withheld myself from being so self-centered. As humans we all have that tendency to place ourselves at the center of the universe, and gaze at how everything affects us from that viewpoint. And it’s effects, from feeling sorry about ourselves when things don’t go as planned, to having doubts about oneself when we aren’t perfect. So instead of worrying too much abt myself, I thought of how I might help other people. Seeking small ways to help others kicks me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I’m no more drowning in self-pity anymore. I am beginning to think about the need of others. The question has shifted from the doubts of whether I’m good enough or not but to what others need. So thinking of others apart from myself aids me in solving self doubt and self pity.
2. Loosening my identity. We have this picture of ourselves, this ideology of what type of person that we are. And when this ideology gets threatened, we react defensively in response. Other can ask questions whether we did an excellent job and it also threaten this ideology of ourselves as competent or capable and we may become so mad or hurt at the criticism. A random person can accuse you of lying and this gets to threaten the ideology that you are a good person, and so you now get angry and attack the other person. The identity of me as one who has motivation and is productive and has great ideas and so forth...it was getting in the way in the morning. As I wasn’t productive, it made me sad bcos as at then I was worried I wasn’t who I’ve been thinking I was. My answer was to realize that I’m not always productive, sometime I am, but sometimes I am lazy. I’m not having lots of motivation, sometimes I am, and other times I don’t feel like working. Im out of good ideas. I can be a lot of things, and so this identity of mine before more solid. Then it won’t matter if someone thinks I didn’t do a good job — because I don’t always do a good job. I am Human, I make mistakes, I am not perfect and that’s perfectly okay.
3. Today counts. I don’t know how many days I have left on earth, but what I know is it’s a limited number. I know that each singe day of that limited days is a gift, a blessing and wasting it is a crime, a gruesome lack of appreciation for I have been given. With that I remind myself that today counts, and I should do something productive with it. I don’t mean work myself to the ground, or type will my fingers become numb, but I should do something worthwhile. Taking breaks from work to relax yourself is a worthwhile activity because that also allows you to do other worthwhile things but sitting down in self pity ain’t helpful. So I got myself up and did something.
4. Movement creation. It’s so hard to get moving when you are stuck. I remember back in 2009 when I could not change most of my habits. I found it hard to motivate myself when I didn’t think I would succeed, when I felt horrible about myself. Yet I took a little step and it felt awesome. That’s what happens this morning, I took the little step possible. Just by opening up a document, or making a list or getting a notebook out. These look so tiny and insignificant, yet so easy and very possible. It showed me that taking the next step is possible and the next. I’m still exhausted, maybe I will take a nap later. But I feel much better now, because I took these steps. I know most people feel the same way time to time, maybe more often that you will want to admit yourself. But that’s OK. We all do. We are Humans, not machines who are perfectly oiled and always charged up and ready to fire at all times, instead as humans we have faults, we have doubts, we feel pain.
And it shall pass.
Self pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.
John Gardner