When Hoefest was introduced, it caused a small ruckus among some folks. Some bc it excited them, some bc it repulsed them, some bc they were sure the devil himself was behind it all. The truth is it was founded in good faith and outstanding humor. We were literally out standing in a field when it was suggested. Guffaws were had.
But underlying it was a mission from Good bestowed upon me by The Great Spankwa in order to rectify before his death. Well, he gone. Or so we're told. His legacy will never die, flying high with the Human Spirit carrying it on.
Spank, as some of his close friends used to call him, (Though few dared speak it to his eyes. There was something about those eyes.) was milling about the house one day. I remember playing chess with that cat. Spank was like, "Cox, get that damned ordinary orange house cat out of here. He's stinking up the joint. & everybody knows he can't play chess. He's a novice at best."
The cat was unperturbed. It was his move after all.
Spank immediately fired up the volcano which lay dormant moments ago in the corner. After taking a massive hit off the densely clouded bag, he held it in for about 420 seconds before exhaling a cloud of smoke that looked a lot like Dick Cheney shooting a man in the face. "Cox", he said, "you are the president of the Save the Skanks Foundation." He handed the dank bag filled with phytocannabinoids to me.
As news from Spank often did, it hit me out of left field, but did not take long to sink in. I soon knew that this was indeed my position & I'd have to see it through. Spank had come to consider me a leader of the opposition in the slut shaming wars that had torn through our streets & spilled horrifyingly onto the world wide web.
He recalled a speech I once delivered while standing behind an imaginary pulpit on a real soap box.
Friends, allow only those without sin begin the executions. Let us never fall prey to these institutions which would have us judge one another. Let us remember, Sister, Brother, everyone, a Life, every one precious in the eyes of the almighty. Let us not defame, degrade or debauch. Let us praise and nurture. Let our deeds be pure & just. Thank you Jesus Yeshua of Nazareth, Buddah & Easy B along with this Tao which we seek to find
It was sincere in a lot of ways.
I was not always the best man. I definitely liked sex. Some would say I even liked women. Yes, some would say & no one would deny that if I liked you, as I did nearly everyone, I damn well meant it.
I also hated letting people down despite the many times I did. I took it harder than most would ever know. & I still intend to make amends with any I've hurt.
But that is a story for another time.
In this story, the orange house cat angrily swatted the pieces off of the chessboard just as he had realized my final deadly move. Checkmate cat. He took a swing at me too but I had catlike reflexes of my own. Spank, the Blue Dungeree Mountain Hashassin Master of Bacom, moved like lightning & In the wink of an eye that cat was out of his chair & out of the door. Some say that was the last time he ever played chess.
"Told you he was a novice." Spank quipped. Sure I said, but why the skanks? "You are their patron saint it seems. Sent to this dimension to defend their honor. You are their spirit."
Heavy enough I reckoned.
Later that same evening, while out hoeing with my good friend & hoer extraordinaire, Spec, the next thing you know, Hoefest was born due to the Human utterance which it seeks to celebrate & elevate back to it's original usage. A greeting, an exclamation, a salutation, an hearty Aloha, a call to move, & also the sound we assigned to the tool which helped us build the foundation of civilization.
It was poetic justice.
Later, we added a sister festival to contribute even more poetic justice to the mix. Rakefest was born. Rake was a name given to men prone to promiscuity. You know, back before the connotation was wiped from our collective memories, sort of like, hoe. As the Humor steadily oozes out of an animal mammal species on a planet where sex is indeed a requirement for Life and so we will honor an Irish Nun, a horny hillbilly girl & all those who Love the Love, for the Love of anything Beautiful & Sacred.
Hitherto & forever onward, as anyone can clearly see, Hoefest was designed to serve Humankind. It is a noble endeavor designed to enlighten as well as entertain. While the last couple of years have seen an absence of an actual date marking the Festivities, we have maintained that this is our reality.
A small confederation, myself & others, want to promote goodwill & goodness with acts of kindness. One of the kindest acts we know is sharing our acts with you.
We hope to be able to do that more often. The first event is to be held, this year, oh-20, on the 29th day of our Lord in the month of February, Purification month, no less, a tad odder event, a Sadie Hawkins day dance & a salute to St. Bridgit of Ireland as well as some nearer & dearer friends.
If you are unfamiliar with Sadie or Brigit, & you are fascinated, or merely interested, do, stay tuned.
Details will be announced & thank you as always for reading & sharing. That's the only way this works.