The Beginning:
Sometimes, it seems all too easy to get ahead in life - especially as passionate as I've been before. When all of a sudden, I was living a nightmare because of other people and the treatment that I got was horrendous. Is it a scam going on? Do I have a "kick me," sign up on my back? What was going on here? This life fuckin' sucks!
I Swear There Are People Keeping Me Down:
First in was an apartment manager that said to others, "Hey, help me get rid of this fuckin' guy, and I'll pay you handsomely to help me do it. I'll even throw you in some free rent too." Then it was me losing my place and all my things. Next was move after move and it all started where I was getting windows broken, tires cut, and just trying to keep up with it all to make it to another weeks check, and this is how I lost that place. I'd call it financial ruin and organized harassment. I don't know what you all call it, but it was evil.
Then, in the moves, I was treated badly by certain people, and left out by many others including where I worked. I bent over backwards to try make a raise, and people that did less than I did got the $.80 cent raises while I got a $0.10 cent raise. Wow, thanks Boss!
I finally moved and just had to quit this job, I wasn't being treated fairly for a long long time. I had to get out of there, so I didn't care what I had to do, I just left. I became a Direct Care attendant in a group home, and I loved it until one of the guys didn't like me, said things to get me fired. And, I was done for. Right before this happened I was stopped by a cop for non-payment of child support, and I was paying my child support, so I didn't get it. This was so long that I was paying, I thought - I was just checking my license status and it was valid before now. How come I didn't get anything in the mail? And, shortly after that day, I did get something in the mail that states my license was suspended. So what's the gag here? Was I being set up?
So, I went to work for a Personal Care Attendant company in Saint Paul called "One Best Care," which was more like "We don't give a fuck about you or anyone's care, we just want to make ourselves look good care." But, I'm sure that was just more letters to put on their door with a suite number in some run down shitty little office building. But, nevertheless, they ruined peoples lives. They did this for a living. They didn't help people. They didn't help the people working for them, and sure as fuck didn't pay me all my work hours. And, I was struggling to get my license back, save my car to get more work hours and just show up there all the time with my time-sheets. Instead of faxing them in, I would have been able to bring them to this joker "Ogbanna" in person! Fuck this guy though, because he owes me over 200 work hours that I wasn't paid, and had I been paid on time, I and my mom would still have a relationship and I'd be working for other clients as well, helping people with their needs. This was most absurd to me.
While at the same time of trying to take care of my own mom, and having these goals in mind, I was in an infestation. There was mice raining cats and dogs in this place, and there was bugs galore! It was far too much to consider a "normal" bug scenario where you see a bug and kill it, and maybe a few more. Nope! There was 100's and 1,000's of them, and I couldn't sleep at night. I couldn't even sleep in my room anymore, and was propped up on 4 hard-wooden chairs, calling every day for a lawyer or someone to care. But, everyone just thought I was crazy.
I guess, I said "lice" one too many times, and people hate lice so bad that they'll hate you for it. I don't know, but - I know I did. I now hated life and not just the lice, the mistreatment, the no justice, the nothing being done to get my ass paid, or the management of that place... but, I hated everyone. I couldn't trust anyone, and I couldn't walk to the store without feeling something crawling on my skin. So, when the girls down the street would say, "Hi Chase," I turned and immediately went the other way, or I'd say Hi, but I was 1 block away before I started crying. I'm not even myself anymore. I can't even talk to people, I can't talk to girls, and this was NOT the normal me at all. I was sad, because, I didn't want anyone to catch lice from me. Or whatever, I had, I had it bad.
With no money coming in, I decided to work for a lawn service and snow removal on the side, so I was working 24 hours at times just to survive, and make the money that I was otherwise turning up missing. I was most assuredly persevering in this, and when I got depressed and felt like dying, I knew that it was all these messed up things that were happening "to me" that were making me feel like a suicidal. But, I was not a suicidal, I was just really sad, angry, upset and most of all I was empowered by struggle. I felt that I knew there was people that would just love it if I gave up, and did something that I shouldn't do, so- I made sure not to. I worked extra hard. And, I did. Some days, I'd come back home from being out in the snow to get maybe 2-4 hours of sleep, wake up, help my mom with chores she needed done, and I would be right back out in the cold shoveling snow. It got to a point where I had gotten sick, and really deathly ill sick, and I didn't want to show it. I didn't care to. I wanted to keep working, so that's what I did.
But, I was puking around corners of the places I was working at, to just keep making that money. Then, when I was just about there to get my license back, I wasn't paid at all from the ass hole "Ogbanna" who ran the Worst Care Company and shit all over me. I was extremely upset. It was a life that would bring anyone to drink and so I did. I never got severe;y drinking, though, I did a couple times get pretty far gone that I was annoying. So, my girlfriend broke up with me after I lost my mind, lost my place, end up in jail for throwing a Christmas tree down, and was just trying to call another lawyer. I just wanted to call every day, because it was horrendous to live like I've had to live, and I knew it. I was living in "imminent dangers" in that apartment, and there seemed to be something really rotten going on with my name, and my rights. I didn't know how to secure these damn things, and live a natural way again.
What I saw on T.V. the other day:
This lady had a count of 95 snakes found in her home and was using a pest control to come out and get them out. They were helping her secure the walls, and look for holes in the walls, while where I was at, I wrote the news - I wrote every newspaper and station I could think of to write and I doubled the letters. I wrote the Attorney General. Of course I wrote management many times, and I wrote the city. I wrote the police, I had a letter written for nearly everywhere I could find or think up to write, and most assuredly was screaming for help. But, instead of help, I was jailed. And, from there I was thrown into a mental hospital that was saying I was delusional. In other words, they didn't believe me.
I remember watching a video about the facts that I was experiencing too. They told me that these people would discredit me, and leave me falling apart and feeling real bugs, but wouldn't do the light microscope thing to even look to see if I had a parasite on me. In the Bible I found that they used to burn these things down, the whole place. If the management or owners didn't do anything, the priest would go and get everyone out of the building and torch the place to kill whatever was living and growing there. There was black mold, vermin, water intrusion, damage, holes all over and people even had roofs cave in on their bedrooms before they got home. But, other people were fixed up all nice, while other people - they just let go of because it was said by my manager, "who's going to look at those pictures," from where I was going around getting pictures of the holes that these moles and voles were creating. There was no inspection, even though I called and called, and I wrote letters to these people. Simply nothing around my life was ever done right. And, no I can't get a job? I can't find work? I can't get anything? It hurts! I don't know what is going on but, I feel like there is something that still needs to be done. I haven't been made whole in my work yet. I haven't been made whole from having to live in a horrendous way. I want to sue the whole damn city, and the places that did me wrong, but I can't find a lawyer, and it's the oldest trick in the book. Anonymous came out with something that was saying that these people could be in on it, or they could be paid off. And, I watched gang-stalking in America videos, Silent Weapons of warfare, and touchless torture videos. I feel that these are the things that are truly going on... and I watched Trey Gowdy fighting for American rights. The I.R.S. is targeting people based on their political views, and I see it now in full light. I got it! I understood what was happening.
I saw taxation as theft, and I was writing things that would piss any president Barack Obama off. I was writing things and seeing things that no one else was seeing, and was thinking somewhere that someone else was. They aren't! They don't care to! They were watching American Idol and there favorite sitcoms on television while I was studying my ass off. I couldn't enjoy television, I couldn't read the news paper anymore... it was all "fake news," and "media propaganda," to me now. I didn't believe like other people were watching the news and thinking that these things were real. It is that a lot of the news is bias to other stories. It was that sitcoms are preparing people for a world that the evil people want to see, and it was against my religion to watch it. It was that movies were doing the same things, desensitizing people to what is planned for their world, and now I'm becoming institutionalized in community based living that I hate. I can't stand life again. I want the war to end. And, this was my real thoughts. I wanted the pain to just up and go away.