You may think as a man I don't have much to offer on this subject and prior to the birth of Esteban you would have been right.
There was a moment however when Sabrina expressed her fear of the birthing experience shortly after we learned of Esteban's existence, so I took it upon myself to research the subject at length and what I discovered was both wonderful and shocking.
This is my Steemit Christmas Special!
During this festive season in which many of us celebrate the birth of Christ, I thought it appropriate to give you my thoughts on this magical thing known as childbirth and set the record straight on what is fast becoming a hugely misunderstood experience.
The time-lapse film: Esteban's Journey
Before I tell you what I have learned, I invite you to watch the entire pregnancy in just a few seconds in the film below. As a filmmaker with a particular love of time-lapse, this was an opportunity not to be missed. Fate had it that I filmed our very first encounter, which makes for a strong place to begin my film
Overcoming the fear
The first thing I learned was that fear creates tension in the body. And this is the last thing you need during childbirth. The body should be as relaxed as possible.
Understandably, the thought of a sizeable baby making its exit would be a disconcerting thought indeed, especially given all that time you have to think about it and all those unhelpful people who love to recount their nightmare birthing experiences to us.
In fact, there is nothing to fear at all!
And I hope by the time you finish reading this, male and female alike, the thought of making babies will be a very different one for you ππ»
Pre-Natal Classes in the South of France
I attended only one of Sabrina's pre-natal classes and due to the speed at which the women were speaking, I understood very little of what was being said. My french is getting there... but to understand fully, I need people to speak slowly.
However, I didn't need to understand the words to feel the fear which was being generated in the room. I observed how one person shared their painful and complicated birth experience story with the group and immediately felt the energy in the room change as all those first time mothers put themselves in the shoes of the speaker, anticipating a similar experience.
Love Sabrina's style π
When it was Sabrina's turn to speak, she told the group she was going to have a natural birth with no epidural and said it with a totally straight face. She has a warrior soul & I love her very much. So I was shocked and saddened to witness how she was laughed at by absolutely all of them.
One woman even pulled her to the side of the room and said (loosely translated) the following words:
'Everyone thinks this now...but just you wait till you feel the pain... it's like nothing you've ever experienced!'
Every one of those women in that room had already signed up for the (super expensive) epidural. Feared up to the max, they were prepared to pay any price at all to avoid this experience.
An experience I understand now to be one of the most rare and special moments of connection a person can have. If indeed you are able to permit this ancient and natural energy to flow through you in the way it was intended.
and frankly, as a man I'm a bit jealous!
Skipping over the wonderful subject of the highly hallucinogenic Dimethyltryptamine or DMT (a chemical produced in the Pineal Gland at the moment of birth and death) there is a magical chemical produced in the brain of the mother at the moment of childbirth, designed to connect them to the child. It is a feeling no man will ever fully understand or experience. We can only read about it in books...
But you lucky lasses, you get to experience it!
Here you can see Sabrina at Les Gorges Des Couleurs, around 7 month at this stage
Thankfully I was able to persuade her to never return to the fear mongering pre-natal group and from that moment forth we made a new group: Sabrina, myself and Esteban.
And there would be no more talk of pain!
The connection between foetus and mother
It seems to have been forgotten by many that giving birth is the final stage in a 9 month process. And if you are intending to enjoy the birthing experience there is an important mental transition which must be made:
There is ALREADY a sentient being within you!
They are busy sponging up that energy you are giving off in every moment and the MOST important work which needs to be done is not the giving birth part.
The work begins ideally from the moment that little heart beats its first beat!
For those of you not aware, the creation process begins with the heart. The mother's heart chakra connects with the child's heart chakra and this give it the pulse it needs for that first magical beat. After this moment, no matter what abortion pamphlet you choose to read, there is a sentient being at work in there, feeding on the mother and all she experiences.
Clearly we are not always ready for the unexpected surprise pregnancy can be and Sabraina & I didn't really know what we were doing till the 5th month. But everything still turned out fine π So it's never too late to start this process.
Change the routine
The modern world has tricked us here into believing something traumatic is on the horizon, so as early on in the pregnancy as possible, positive changes to your daily routine should be put in place reprogramming the brain to see this coming event for what it truly is.
This is important not just for the woman!
You are a TEAM now.
Takes two to tango right!
HypnoBirthing
My research quickly led me to this amazing technique which resonated deeply with me.
When a woman is totally relaxed she births the way nature intended. The body was intended to birth but fear and tension are what gets in the way Marie Mongan
Marie Mongan the creator of Hypnobirthing had devised a system which if practiced regularly could ensure a relaxed, pain free and even enjoyable birthing experience. The system was simple and 'just as it says on the tin' it combined hypnotism with birthing.
She discovered the technique during her first pregnancy. As a practitioner of hypnotism she was able to hypnotise herself into a relaxed state on demand. So she used the technique during the birth and reported no feeling of pain at all. After her second and a third child were born with the same pain free, enjoyable experience, she decided to teach her pregnant daughter the technique and it wasn't long before the book was written.
I didn't buy the book but I was able to read extracts from it online and watched an endless number of YouTube videos on the subject. Many showing the birthing experience itself.
The women who had practiced hynobirthing appeared to be in a kind of trance. Making very little sound, they seemed to be almost asleep while the babies were being born... in a way that we have been brainwashed into believing is simply impossible. Can you think of a Hollywood movie or TV show where the woman isn't screaming in pain?
I was absolutely fascinated by this and continued my research by watching films showing the birth experience of various different animals, finding time after time that there was no apparent pain or stress.
We are animals are we not? So what's gone wrong here?
Why are many women so afraid of this beautiful experience?
Maximising profit
Without wanting to over-simplify the answer to this question, more fear equals more spending. And we all know very well what makes the world go round!
With this in mind I intensified my research and watched students of Mongan giving talks on how they had used their motherly intuition to change the format of the suggestions in the original book. Again, this idea resonated deeply with me.
We are all different right? So there is no 'one size fits all' method.
There is a foundation of thought which must first be established
...and from this we use our intuition to create that which we desire.
Meditation & Positive Affirmations
We were around 5 months into the pregnancy already by the time I knew what I had to do. Every day we spent one hour (no exceptions!) with the two of us face to face. We listened to the same soft dreamy music every time so that our minds would attune to this being the music to relax us when required.
The first five minutes were spent in silent meditation with a focus on the feeling of joy and excitement for the coming birth.
Then came the affirmations:
I would say one first in English and Sabrina would then repeat it in French. Most of the time I used my intuition in the moment to find the right affirmation, but we did also have a list. And there were many occasions (when we were feeling tired for example) when the list was exceptionally useful.
Affirmation Examples
My baby is happy and healthy.
I trust my baby knows what to do.
I trust my body knows what to do.
I draw strength from the millions of women who have given birth to happy healthy children.
I am grateful that Esteban chose us to be his parents!
I am so excited to have Esteban in my life!
I have done everything I can to prepare myself to help him into this world with ease.
Here is one of many hundreds of YouTube films if you are looking for some ideas to get you started.
Keep it personal to you
Between each statement/affirmation we would hold the silence for a moment, listening to our familiar soft music, dwelling upon the feeling created by the words. Sometimes we would have tears in our eyes. It was very powerful to FEEL this energy which was so evidently there. Sometimes Esteban would kick hard inside Sabrina knowing we were focusing on him.
I cannot say if the way we did it was the right or the wrong way...
but I can say with certainty that it worked for us π±
Please remember that we wrote these together. The original list had over 100 statements. But as the months went on we focused on only the ones we felt still needed attention. If you are looking to follow in our footsteps, don't just copy our list... feel out your own. I really believe that using your intuition is an important part of this process.
After preparing the mind, we prepare the body
In addition to the daily affirmations there were daily stretching exercises, some on a yoga mat, some on an exercise ball, again instinctively felt out by Sabrina. But ultimately just based on a few YouTube videos which resonated with her.
The Day of the Birth in Perpignan
In the South of France it is not possible to find a midwife who will support a home birth, so we went for the next best thing which was (an expensive!) birthing clinic.
I filmed the entire day but am yet to edit it into a finished film. Though I really must because it is a total cracker! It was a seriously entertaining day & night but not for any of the reasons we expected...
Sabrina's water broke during a scheduled check up at the clinic and they wouldn't let us drive the 20mins back to our house to pick up our bag of items which we wanted with us in the clinic where they told us we would most likely have to stay for up to a week. At β¬500 a night I am not surprised!
The (male) doctor insisted the baby was just about to arrive, despite Sabrina assuring him this was not the case. He ignored her feminine instincts completely and instead frog-marched us into a tiny room with metal bars on the windows, where she was connected up to a beeping machine. He told us to wait there till his return. For an hour we waited alone listening to that constant beeping, desperate for a little sunlight at least...
Follow the intuition!
I knew something wasn't right here. Sabrina was growing more and more stressed out by the beeping machine and the thought of having her baby without her selected items around her. I could have driven home to retrieve them but didn't feel right leaving her alone in this strange energy place. We had been practicing as a team for months and I was not about to abandon her.
Instead I made the decision that we would break out of the clinic undetected and go home where we could relax. And that is exactly what we did. Ninja style, creeping down corridors to avoid all those in white overalls!
Once home we calmly made lunch and ate. We gave thanks for the beauty of this day. We meditated and did our affirmations one last time.
This is the last photo we took before returning to the clinic, mentally prepared now for what was ahead of us.
We stopped on route to pick up a bountiful basket fresh local fruit so that we may avoid the meat and milk based products on offer at the clinic. We even though about a few treats for breakfast!
I cannot tell you how much fun we had in place of being confused & alone in an artificially lit beeping room... waiting for a man in white coat to tell us we were just about to experience the 'painful' process of childbirth. But don't worry folky because the pain killers are on standby and don't have to pay till the end!
We broke back into the clinic undetected before 'lock-up' at 7pm and somehow no one noticed a thing ;)
Young Magician of the Year 1989 & I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve!
The pressure of time & forced induction
When Sabrina's water broke we were told we had 24h before they would chemically induce the birth had it not happened naturally before this very strict time limit.
Just knowing this changed the way we felt and a huge pressure was immediately added.
So, once we were settled into our clinic bedroom that night, secretly munching on our non clinic approved apples & bananas, we made a decision that by the time the sun rose in the morning, the three of us would be lying together side by side in this bed. We meditated for a while on this clear vision, basking in the beauty of it.
Then I called upon a particular Reiki Master in the UK for assistance (thank Liz - love you x), I cleansed the energy of the room with sage and I placed my many crystals, chakra stones and symbols around the room, letting my instinct to guide me as to where to place them.
It all began as the stroke of midnight...
The contractions came suddenly. We tried to practice our hynobirthing system while still in bed but they were already very intense and regular, so we pressed the red button and waited for our midwife to escort us down into the nature suite. The room which least resembled a hospital room.
There was only one such room in the clinic and no doubt they had to dust away the cobwebs before we checked in! And would have been rather confused by all the crystals I insisted on being with us.
Two and a half hours
I am not going to tell you Sabrina experienced no pain. She did, and she let the entire clinic know about it is a wonderfully vocal way with french swear words I will probably never hear again. But what I saw in her was an amazing intense focus and energetic determination. Like a fearless warrior in the heat of battle, working on instinct alone.
The film makes me cry every time. I am so very proud of her.
The Midwife
While I felt blessed to have this particular lady looking after us, there were a few things I didn't feel were very helpful.
For example, after each contraction she would scream at the top of her voice the same words over and over...
POUSSE POUSSE POUSSE!!!!
Yet all my research had led me to understand that pushing was not the best thing to do. In fact the body does the pushing for you. And she should have been calmly caressing Sabrina encouraging her to relax and listen to her body. To stay connected with its needs. It wasn't her fault. She only knows what she has been taught.
From my perspective it felt as if Sabrina's forced pushing resulted in the need for stitches. Encouragement to relax would not have had the same effect. The whole birthing experience did however last only a few hours, no painkillers were required and just as we had envisioned, the three of us were all back in bed together before sunrise.
The money madness
Despite the (totally unheard of) drug free 2 hour first time birth we were forced to remain in this clinic for a total of 5 days for 'essential observation'. During this time various doctors prodded at Esteban and basically just tried to sell us things! One guy told us Esteban wouldn't be able to walk correctly if we didn't sign up to his conveniently expensive treatment. And then he charged β¬50 just to tell us this! Total madness and I couldn't wait to leave... as I am sure you can imagine.
We were so happy when we finally able to return to our home and I wondered why we had bothered with any of the expensive stress & fuss at all?
How much did we really need that midwife?
How much did we really need that clinic?
Would I have been comfortable delivering this child on my own in our home after adequate research?
Yep. Course I would π±
Fear is the only think which ever holds us back.
My total heroes @iamjamie & @kennistyles took it to the next level!
I would like to take this opportunity to thanks @iamjamie and @kennistyles who filmed their unassisted birthing experience just recently in Thailand and shared the whole thing with us here on Steemit.
Kenni is an old friend from the UK and it's such a pleasure to to see this natural evolution moving us away from relying on institutions when we already instinctively know what to do! We have just been sold the lie that we need others to help us!
Thank you Kenni & Jamie for reminding us of our intuition and your total dedication to spreading this message.
Check @iamjamie's post here for the full details: https://steemit.com/life/@iamjamie/the-unassisted-birth-of-kai
Or go the full whack and watch the film:
Total respect to you my friends.
Our third child will be born this way, but best not to mention this to Sabrina yet!
If you enjoyed my time-lapse film at the top of this article, I think you will also enjoy this one too.
Films are like energy which flow through me at important times in my life.
It is a Christmas Special from two years ago showing a totally cute baby Esteban and a little bit of my mad obsession with time-lapse, on the eve of our move to Bali.
In Conclusion
If you are pregnant and a mother wants to tell you her negative birthing experience story might I suggest that you politely decline and explain that you would rather focus on positive experiences only.
The story is not yet over!
Just when I thought birthing could not be any more wonderful... along came Luna. Born here in Ubud, Bali in just 15mins. So fast, so simple so perfect. So happy!
And Esteban watched the whole thing. Just so he could be in no doubt about where she came from ;)
That's him having a little breast feed to calm him down after the show ;)
I will tell you the story of this even more advanced pregnancy & birthing experience another time. For now simply know that we created a wonderful child in our own way and we hope very much that by sharing our story here on Steemit we will ultimately help others.
All questions will be answered to the best of our ability π΄
Thank you Esteban for choosing us!
Perhaps you will get to meet Esteban & Luna at the next steemfest! Wouldn't that be great π Not that they would understand one word of course!
My seasonal love to you all at this special time of year.
Thank you for an amazing year everyone!
Enjoy the moment. Cherish your friends & family. And know that you can write about it all after Christmas on Steemit!
Heart image source
Who is @samstonehill?
Currently based in Bali he travels with his partner & two children. With no bank account he has been living on STEEM & crypto for over six months.
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