Always Irregular, impressivly unfactual, and totally biased.
BREAKING NEWS: Trump Admits He Is Secretly Filming New Episodes Of The Apprentice
Chuck Dawobbily, Entertainment Editor
The US President Donald Trump has announced today that he has secretly been filming new episodes of The Apprentice and needs to fire one person a week from the White House Staff until there is just one sole survivor remaining. The president confirmed that he spends most of his week pontificating over who will be given the flick before hitting Twitter at god-knows-what-hour to make the seemingly random announcement.
The President said that firing Rex Tillerson was going to be a mid-season cliff hanger episode. "We put him, and he's a great guy, in a room full of cameras, and he is such a great guy, and I shouted ‘You’re fired!’ and even managed a pause midway so we could cut an ad-break” Trump said. Sources say Mr Trump – who also in the middle of pitching a premium cash for access business – is hoping to get other worlds leaders as guest judges on the show.
Business Travel: Turn Long Haul Flights Into Short Haul Ones
Fickas Bricks, Travel Editor
Business travelers the world over are arriving at their destinations a full two seconds before other passengers, by ignoring instructions from time wasting flight attendants. By unfastening their seat belt well before the aircraft arrives at the gate and sprinting up the aisle, pushing the elderly and infirm (who contribute nothing to society) out of the way, they are showing the power of the business elite over common people.
On a recent fourteen houyr flight to New York, Ima Dill stood smugly at the aircraft door for five minutes after landing. He gained a clear advantage over his less and average fellow passengers who, stupidly, remained seated and followed the instructions of the crew.
Finance: New Do Nothing Investment Strategies
Fullkar Pak, Finance Editor
Doing nothing to keep you hard earned money is no longer a dream. As cryptocurrencies have collapsed more and more people who refuse to invest have managed to keep the money they have worked hard to earn.
Youzea Fuool told me that he didn’t invest into Bitcoins and still has all the money that he did before doing nothing. When he first learnt about cryptocurrencies, he looked at his options and discovered that not converting any money would be a fantastic way to keep his hard earned cash.
