On my blog over the 10 months or so, I've been on a quest that has led me through a plethora of adventures spanning the spectrum of should I say it? the human soul.
Shifting reality meant shifting my perspective. I mean, how can you know your timeline is changing if you can't perceive it first? Becoming aware of your current surroundings is what allows you to notice any minor changes. This awareness grants the ability to guide your trajectory.
If you're reading this now, I've made it to the ideal timeline. I'm here to share the shifts that lead into this.
Below, I recount some of my favorite parts of my reality shifting log called "Shello's Diary". To me, it tells the story of what I would do to fulfill my deepest desire. In reverse order, I explain the meaning behind these thoughts.
"The reason for me and this reality shifting conquest, is to redeem the greatest friendship I ever lost, and the only regret I've ever had."
This, is my sin. The wanting to go back and change something with the very knowledge that could only be gained from that very experience. Hindsight is 20/20, and in this moment I had conceded that I would rather pluck a fruit from the tree of knowledge than to grow my own.
An inability to let go, comparing all other possible lives against the one lived and lost. Denying all other possibilities before I could even know what the other choices were. The entire purpose of my journey derailed into challenging fate and the natural order. I no longer wanted to shift reality, but instead to break it entirely—piecing it back together as I saw fit.
"I am after one specific timeline and would be willing to trade anything and anyone for it."
If I was already corrupted, then any additional misdeeds encountered would remain overshadowed by the original error... I thought. "I had already been through the worst," is something that cannot be known until it gets better. In a fit of bitter blindness, I was full willing to fight any army and mar any dream in the name of my wish.
"Everyday when you wake up, you're essentially a different you. Everytime you talk to someone, it's a different them. However I believe that there's also aware versions and a superconscious of each person that ties them all together.
So hell, if you're gonna love someone—you're choosing all versions."
I had already known that the person I wanted to meet in a one-sided love was not even a person anymore. I wanted to meet a frozen moment and the state of a person and keep it frozen, in a transient universe. If I were ever to meet them again, it would not be on my terms and not the projection of them I remembered.
"My original theory was that he was written in as a safe guard to test me before the next chapter arrives, because my desire to recover a specific timeline is too strong to not manifest itself in some way, shape, or form."
The universe doesn't just throw people from the sky at you. Not because it's impossible, but because it's generally unethical to do so. If a tree falls in this universe and I don't perceive it there is no sound, and there is no tree. We can always write the tree in later, along with a fitting story.
Whenever a new person is introduced in your life, there is no time before it where they are present. Yet they must serve a purpose, lest they escape your awareness entirely. I witnessed an entire timeline appear that was cohesive enough to co-exist with the one I was already on. Just like that... Past memories, and entire people were written in retroactively.
I investigated the incarnation only to find that their only purpose in my perspective was to awaken me to the awareness that this type of woven reality exists, and thus, can occur again. Information becomes knowledge upon application.
"My Internal Truths:
or rather the first principles that govern the reality I reside in.1— There is no past or future but only an eternal now. Time is a persistent illusion.
2— There are infinite parallel realities, thus, infinite versions of everyone.
3— There are no coincidences in this life, everything is intertwined.
Viewing time, and causality as fully linear prevents you from moving out of bounds. By rewriting my perception of reality as snapshots that can be arranged into a line, I realized that I could consider choices without needing to see the entire line that leads up to that frame. In doubt, we cannot visualize nor embody a reality that doesn't appear fully viable within our current collection and understandings, nor our current lack of them.
I chose to understand that I can land in areas that I cannot comprehend, and because I don't understand something does not remove it from existence. Everything that can be perceived holds meaning given by the perceiver. Everything that exists holds a purpose to someone, and this gives it meaning.
If you can understand their purposes, you can see seemingly invisible meanings.
"You can't go back, but you can choose the direction forward. The thing I originally wanted to travel backward to change, I instead used everything I had to change it in the future, and the result was much better than if I actually were able to rewind."
...and the result was much better than if I actually were able to rewind.
I wonder, how did I know the answer before I even started?
I reached the goal.
I reedemed the friendship.
What that really means,
is that I redeemed myself for the acts that cost it.
I didn't go backward.
The whole time I thought I was trying to bring them back,
I didn't ask to mend the friendship,
with the person I'd never want to lose.
So they are gone.
I only redeemed myself for it.
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I didn't leave empty handed,
I learned "how not to do it again."
Sounds like a shitty ending yeah?
Not at all. That's actually the saving grace.
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You ever hear how everything repeats until you get it right?
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I'm now in the timeline where I am that friend that cannot be lost.
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The universe has a great sense of humor.