We interrupt your scheduled planning tonight to travel deep into the paint on manifestation.
More specifically, on creating a new timeline trajectory in which you desire to inhabit. Recently, there have been extensive changes to my perception and understanding of reality as a whole. In this diary entry, I will be covering the challenges made visible, as well as the types of changes I am currently making.
Reader warning!
- The methods described in this post aim to challenge generally accepted beliefs and structures. These may not necessarily be things you would want to hear.
- There is one picture and this one is >2000 words.
- Although the concepts entailed may be understood or grasped, they will not replace a first-hand experience.
- All names are abbreviated to prevent this current timeline from freezing into permanence.
- I will deny this blog ever existed IRL.
I hope that there may be something in this text that you can apply on your own journey in this pitstop of life that we experience while "alive".
Z's Message
From Z. I had been keeping tabs on him since diary #20, as he's still one of the friends I've come to greatly value. I was low-key stalking his social media when I came across a semi-recent post that read:
"Why the fuck should I even try in this universe. Nothing goes right. Nothing’s working.
Fuck fuck fuck Fuck."
He had been speaking with me on a regular basis, but this confession caught me off-guard. Everyone at the surface level always appear okay. He had taken an interest in my multi-dimensional travels, and had been inspired to pursue his own adventure. I immediately asked him what had lead to his negative bias on shifting.
His initial response was about the disdain he felt toward his current world being catered to a neurotypical society. I immediately called a fallacy on his end. If you are at a stage where you reinstate a negative reality, it will persist and a new one cannot be formed no matter the density of the desire.
He stepped back to admit the error and the thought leading up to it.
"I feel that beliefs and thoughts can really stem from more than what we can easily control."
I stepped in with a sharp no. Then again...
What you believe, is what you perceive.
I wondered if it was out of malice or genuine when he said that I was right, it can be controlled—a person can even suspend their own reality.
Can You Actually Suspend Reality or Not? What Does This Imply?
This is what tonight's post is about. Do we possess the capacity to be able to "pause" our entire belief structure, values, and previous experiences and learned information? Believe it or not, it's a yes. In fact, shifting reality/ quantum shifting requires you to "revert" to the state described by philosopher John Locke, as a blank slate.
His ideology was that every person born did not have a soul from a past life, but instead was born as a blank slate. All intuition and higher understanding only presided in the experiences the person had within their lifetime. But enough about dead guys, we'll borrow his theory in the exploration of transforming the lives of the living.
Manifesting/ appending/ or otherwise making drastic changes in your life cannot take place without severing your ego. Reality shifting is the big game of infinite choices. It's not as obvious as I'd like to believe, but you are in a sense destined to make choices that exist in the reality you are currently grounded in. I touched on this in The Epiphany [part 1/2,] when I realized that my answers can't fit another person's issues.
You have no access to a reality where the choices required aren't the same ones that you would normally make.
Believing is Not the Same as Creating
When you visualize and believe in your new world, you are doing it from the mind of the you in the old world. How do we change this? Clean the slate. You can always come back. What is not generally realized, is that no change nor state exists in permance. Going one level beyond would be understanding that these flucuations can be controlled by you as well.
You can't push a reality away, but you can erase it through replacement of a newer and less stable reality. This is why people do not step out of bounds, the path is unknown. There is something that I've been fortunate enough to experience first-hand recently. Even though you can't take the past with you, the oppertunities in the old realities can cross into the new ones.
Yeah, and THAT by itself was mind-blowing.
B's Message
Obviously she would catch me out too. A few weeks ago, she asked me if I would like a job. Not just anything however, I would work alongside both B and C. Apprehensive after T's extensive warning, and based on all previous knowledge the "reasonable" (and I say that lightly as in reasonable to me) answer would be a gracious no.
I did however want to make an advantage of the peculiar situation I found myself in. You see, the medication I was perscribed blocks out thought rumination, in other words—negative thought loops. Since I would no longer have these, I was at a lower risk level than normal... And I wanted to know what a new reality would look like in practice.
Just to refresh, my goal for quite some time—the reason for me and this reality shifting conquest, is to redeem the greatest friendship I ever lost, and the only regret I've ever had. At current, I have no idea what K is up to.
What I believe to be the source of my thought rumination, the reason I'm in this ordeal in the first place, is because of him. Placing the blame now are we? Let me get into this a little more.
The Real Story of K
K was the first person that I'll now refer to as a "reality hacker". I had put up so many walls throughout my lifetime, that he was hell bent to break down. Hindsight is truly 20/20 and only now I can see it. He was always mean to me in what he said, hard on me for absolutely no reason, and constantly put me down—making my life a living hell.
Why would I even want a friend like that in the first place? He did a lot of good things too. No, this is not a gas light, as ridiculous as this sounds. The kinds of things he's done is in a calibur I didn't know existed, that even now, I'm wondering if I dreamt it all. When I lived in isolation for a year, he was my only friend... he'd call or message me for literally anything. I climbed to gold in League in season 5 two weeks before the season ended.
I had a bad streak, lost 20 games in a row and fell back to silver, negating a big goal I had. Although he talked mad smack about my playing all year, he messaged me a week later and asked if I wanted to play. He played with me for 20 hours straight, told me to play any champion, and put me back in gold.
On my birthday, he flipped a coin and if it landed on heads, he would come to my party. It landed on tails, and he walked through the door. We talked about society, reality, and anything else an existentialist would fancy. He was my best friend. We got into a fight, and due to my emotions I lost my shit at him. He told me we wouldn't be friends anymore.
I accepted it as permanent.
I didn't know how reality worked at all. He tried to come back, many times and I would stonewall him and freeze up, wondering why he was there. He got meaner, and disappeared... A year passed, and next thing I knew, he would show up to my house (K is S's friend too), drink and sing karaoke with me in my living room.
When he did nice things, I wondered what he would want and I fell silent. He would be his regular meanie self, but I became so damaged that I would accept that he hated me—I was lost at his absurd behavior.
Reality Hackers and K
I finally am beginning to understand what happened now, but I had to shift my reality hard to get to it. K was the person that told me to see someone for my emotions originally because he was certain that it was my brain chemistry. Sounds fucked up, but when I went over the messages—he had also seen a therapist and didn't see it as bad, but as something that could help me. I was so upset, that I failed see it properly.
At some point he realized that I didn't do it intentionally and tried to repair our friendship himself, but didn't know how I percieved him. I didn't know how he perceived me. We wanted to understand each other so hard, but I was unable unable to suspend my own subjective reality in order for it to happen. No matter how calculated the facade I had constructed was, he knew that there was more. He took every opportunity available to bring the real me into the light. He could see me, and a lot of times I thought back to Descartes, on how the only person we can be sure exists is ourselves. K was the only real person in a sea of NPCs.
If only I was older, maybe I'd understand.
I spent a long time, replaying all of the memories trying to figure out how to rectify my mortal sin against him. That's how I realized this, all too late. I had an idea. What if I could make it right starting now, what would I have to do?
I sincerely took his reccommendation to start therapy, and that is how I'm able to write this post tonight. I made it a personal goal to understand others, after losing the person I valued the most—making sure it would never happen again. If I ever saw him again, I would know right off the bat what was going on, although I was sure it never would.
"The Second Time Around"
The universe has an excellent sense of humor. When T gave me a heads up warning that C was a mirror of K, I thought he meant by the way he looked—the surface level. C was revealed as a reality hacker as well, and this is terrifyingly exciting. What do I mean by reality hacker? It's a person fully capable of suspending their own reality, the ability to drop everything they know to entertain another person's world.
C issued what I want to call "awareness checks" on me, to see where my level of understanding existed. I failed the first ones, but then chose to embrace what was transpiring. Someone I hardly know, throwing fire and insults at me publicly on social media... You know, to see what I would do. I don't think he was initially expecting what I threw back—now that K woke me up.
At the first level it's what you say.
One deeper, is how you say something.
And deeper still, it's what you don't say that holds understanding.
I took everything I learned from my old reality and here it is, in the new one. Sure enough, my first day at work he introduced me as his enemy lol. It was glorious. The interactions are well timed, and the comments are hilarious. Now when anyone talks to me, I don't react based on my current reality. I suspend it, and exist in the moment... That I am in the same reality as them, and can consciously act towards a trajectory as it's appearing.
This is how people grow.
I'm grateful that K wanted me to grow, I'm grateful that C looked into it.
It's Only the Beginning
I'm far from being out of the woods, but... Now I know what it means to live in the moment, and that you can take your past regrets and transform them to light the present reality. I have no clue where my life is headed but what comes next is to do this without a buffer to protect me. Therapy doesn't last forever either.
Always,
Shello
Thank you @bollutech for this art!
🎶And in your reality, if I don't know how to love you...
I'll leave you be.🎶