Nearly everything is ready for my children to arrive. I've run errands all day. Tomorrow, I'll polish off the pieces I need to finish.
I made headway on a project I wanted to begin, which felt really good. And the whole time, during all of it, I'm literally, literally pushing away the worst thoughts I'm doing my best not to focus on or even admit they are there.
I feel like if I voice the one particular thought, then I will have given in to feeding it. And I don't want to feed it.
It's a crucial juncture in the whole custodial/non-custodial visitation, travel bit when it comes to the kids. Delicate. Tenuous. Everything is place. Everything is arranged.
I've done well keeping busy all day. I'm tired now, but I've done a lot of good work today.
I'm ignoring the toothache. The Dentist knows about it.
When I couldn't write freely, all I wanted to do was write. Now that I can write freely, I find I have so much to say, I can't get it out the way I want to. I have no idea how that makes me feel.
I miss my kids. I always miss my kids. And they will be here soon. Oh so soon. Even though I'm as prepared as I can be for their arrival, each year, I always feel woefully inadequate.
Being the non-custodial parent sucks, especially when you only ended up that way because you were trying to do the right thing. The time I have them for the summer always passes too quickly.
I'm happiest when I work on the projects I know I'm supposed to be working on. I feel good about my life when I'm able to operate in those things. My children benefit from it as well.
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