I'm so glad you related this to conscious language, and the idea of "hard work." The conscious language piece is something I'm working on in my everyday life, and I am finding it to be (coincidentally) really hard! Changing the way we speak to reflect the values we actually hold or wish to hold requires a great deal of vigilance. Paradoxically, "free speech" advocates usually tend to fight against the idea that speech ought to be changed, but in fact, in the long-term it can lead to greater (actual) freedom, in my view at least. In any case, kudos to you for bringing your awareness of all this to your relationship with your kids.
RE: Paying Your Dues: An Insidious Concept that Restricts Our Freedom