VULGARITY WARNING!
Current mood: amused
I have compiled this list at the great personal cost of many injuries,
icepacks, aspirins, and comforting neckrubs.
But no fucking menudo, that's just disgustin
- Drink like a motherfucker NOW, coz once your body goes to shit,
hangovers hurt worse - Get all the ass you can NOW, coz once your body goes to shit, you'll
only manage to be able to do it once a day - Don't do a lot of coke, unless your rich anyway. The high/$ don't
match. - Don't get a coffee habit, coz once your body goes to shit, you'll
never sleep again - Type all your myspace shit in word or notepad, coz myspace will
crash anytime you get longwinded - Keep your body in shape, so it don't go to shit so fucking soon
- Don't get cancer, coz it will make your body go to shit faster.
- Join the military at least once - it's funner then college with less
pretentious assholes per square inch - Tatoos are addictive, so plan your inking before you run out of money
- Don't quit a $70k/yr job to start your own business unless you KNOW
your going to strangle the dumbshits at work for goddamn sure - Don't brag about the hookers and strippers you've nailed, especially
if you're dorky with wimmin - Don't pick up more then two chicks at once unless at least ONE of
them eats pussy - Keep your body in shape coz it's not like a wife you can get a
younger model with bigger tits once it wears out - you just get the
bigger tits - Laugh your ass off when you do stupid shit - Everyone else is gonna
anyway, so you might as well enjoy it too - If you work more then 60 hrs a week, it's your own fault if your
dick falls off - If you even look at street hookers, it's your own fault if your dick
falls off - spend a little extra - Stupid people are for laffing at, not beating with baseball bats,
despite what your heart tells you - Don't get married until you've slept with 10 women, but don't pass
up the perfect wife to sleep with 100 - Paperwork exists, and will get worse every year until the human race
is buried in rules, regulations, permits, and licences. - Most women like getting spanked, even if they deny it
- People believe what they want to believe, and facts and logic be
damned (for them) - Beating your head against the wall might hurt, but less so then
giving up - Make your own fucking choices and live with the consequences
- Never regret your stupidest moves; just don't do it again
- You owe your parents bigtime, even if they suck. Since they
probably DON'T, keep them happy. - If you do get married, you have given your word. Don't cheat on her.
- Squeeze out a stinker just when life gets serious
- She owes you a blowjob if you hold her purse. Even if she don't
like blowjobs. Even if she's just a friend. - Don't just sit there with "who pumped the neighbor's cat" look on
your face. Do something - He who dies with the most toys STILL wins