Welcome to my series: Things I wish I knew about parenting before becoming a parent.

Part One: Instant Love is Real but It Doesn't Always Happen

I always knew I was going to be a mom. Which seems like a sweet sentiment, except that I never took the time to realize what being a mom would be like.

I always knew it would happen, but it wasn't until I actually became a parent that I realized what parenting would be like.

Something I wish I knew before becoming a parent, was that "instant love" can be a fairy tale.

The reality of parent/child relationships was marred for me by reading and watching movies. There was always this magical things that happened when a child was (finally) put into a mothers arms, usually after some (crazy, funny, interesting) birth story. There was always this giant pause of awwww, and everything was well.

Instant love.

As a teen, some of my classmates had children. I always asked them what it was like. They described something along the likes of:

Instant love.

It didn't matter that moms were tired, and busy, because they had this little bundle of instant love that they were just toting around. Who cared about anything, else, there was this little ball of joy and happiness and giggles that smelled good?

Its not that these writers and parents lied. There is a certain something magical about the first time a tiny little hand grasps your whole finger and looks at you like you're awesome. People who completely change when they become parents do exist. But it's not always magical. Sometimes it develops over time... in a slow manner. And for some, the love develops at a lesser rate. Everyone is not wired for endless love.

Love is not instant for everyone. Some need to grow into it. And it takes work.

Love can take work

There is no magical pill that all of a sudden turns you from a regular human, to a "would give my life for", "the best thing that ever happened to me", "I would do anything for," person.

I love my kids more now than I did when they were born

Because love grows. And it would have saved me lots of guilt if I had known that before hand. Who would think it possible to love a cranky pre-teen more than a tiny little good-smelling angel? Any parent of a pre-teen of course, especially when thee've had the privilege of watching that pre-teen emerge from that baby.

The first time I saw my first child... I was drugged. Maybe a natural birth would have made the oxytocin more prevalent which would have turned on my "instant love" sensors... but what about dads? What about adoptive parents? Ive heard them talk about "instant love" too... I DID love my child BUT not more than I had already loved her when she was in my belly. There was no magical exponential growth.

And that made me feel bad.

The first time I saw my second child, my mind was on my first one and how she would handle it. That whole "instant love" is a little more difficult to get to, when you have more than one thing on your mind.

And that made me feel bad too.

Knowing that love is not instant, but that it slowly grows and evolves makes parenting a lot easier.

Remember that children won't make you automatically more frugal on your wants, won't give you energy to make "real meals" vs instant soup, and they won't make you automatically anything. Yes people who completely change instantly over children occur, but it doesn't happen for everyone.

Thank you for taking the time to read Part One of my series: Things I wished I knew About Parenting Before Becoming a Parent.

I will be publishing part two: Children Do Not Fulfill You, very soon.