"When you're doing something for your kid, you need to ask yourself: does this work because it works for us as a family, or because it works for the world in general? Because you want to prepare your kid for the world."
FIRST of all, I would like to say to parents who are raising a child with special needs:
*You are not alone!
*You're not perfect. & Thats OKAY!
*You deserve to be cared for, too!
*You are a superhero
This video with Kristina Kuzmic and Zach Anner, is SO important. It has great advice especially for parents of disabled children, but it's also really great for ALL parents. If you are raising a special needs child, or know someone who is, please watch this video even if you don't read what I have to say about it.
We always feel like we need to hover around our kids, and feel like it's solely our job to make sure everything is done right. But our job, is to also teach them how to do it. Because it WILL BE their job one day.
We really need to make sure that we're raising our special needs children the same way we would raise ANY child: to be as independent as they possibly can. If they can do it - let them do it! Even if it takes a long time. Constantly doing everything for them, like Zach said, breeds co-dependency. We won't always be here to take care of them, and that's the hardest part to deal with or think about. But it's the truth.
Help them less and less when progress is being made, and when they accomplish the task at hand - don't go overboard with the praise. I say this, not because it isn't a big deal that they've accomplished a difficult task - but because, like he says in the video, we want to get them ready for the world. And in the world - we don't get applause for everything we accomplish. It can sometimes feel patronizing to the child when they aren't seeing any other children their age being applauded for simple tasks. However, It can ALSO turn into narsicism when they reach adulthood.
Podcast by : The Little Shaman
We all picture our children growing up to be great people, but kind, considerate, people don't just "happen". They are molded. For example, helping your child do something is perfectly fine - until you give them all the credit. Like he says in the video, you have to give credit when and where its due; or else you'll end up with a nightmare of an adult who never says "thank you", because they don't know how to give credit or praise. They only know how to receive it.
Obviously all cases are different and some limitations are more difficult to overcome; some may even be impossible. But if there is even a chance that they can do it themselves, you have to let them try. And you have to let them struggle EVEN THOUGH it drives you crazy. It hurts to watch them struggle because it's in our nature as parents, to run to them, scoop them up, fix the problem and make it all better. But we have to reign some of that in because we want them to succeed. And we don't want to teach them to expect everything to be done for them.
Another point I would like to add to this is to always treat your kid like every other kid. Of course, that is the point of this whole thing. But, what I mean by this is : special needs or not, we need to teach them to follow rules. If the kids without special needs aren't allowed to do something - the same should apply to the special needs kids; within reason, obviously. Like if a child has diabetes and their sugar drops - that child is allowed to have snacktime early because we need to make sure he/she stays alive.
Just because they have special needs, does not mean that they shouldn't be scolded or punished for the same things you would scold or punish another child for. If you're doing your job right, they know exactly what they're doing wrong. You may have to remind them - but you still need to punish them as well, just like you would a child without special needs, because : narcissism.
ALWAYS put a positive spin on things they may not be able to do. If there is a slight or even a slim to none chance that they'll be able to do something, you could say "well, give it a try!" , Instead of "let's try something else" or "this may be too hard for you". If THEY say "I cant do this", then Instead of saying "yes you can!" And possibly giving them false hope, and/or possibly making them think that they let you down (because you thought they could do it), you could say "just do the best you can" or, what my great grandmother used to say: "Can't never could do nothin' ". Don't just say that you "can't" do something because you'll never know until you try. You'll never know your child's full potential if you let them give up all the time, and neither will they.
The man in the video may have only given 4 tips, but they're absolutely among the MOST important.
I would love to know if you found this helpful, have anything to add, and/or if you hated it! Let me know in the comments!
(I own ZERO rights to this video & had nothing to do with its creation)
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@amille @pmil @intrepidthinker