First off, I know that life is a gift. It’s not always a fun gift, and although it is the perfect gift, it is often, the most complicated. How it turns out for you has a lot to do with your head game. That day, my head game was tired of running, hiding, and living a lie. I knew that my decision to be honest with myself would make my life a living hell or at least that’s what I thought at the time. I was tired of holding up the facade and I wanted to be me.
I remember sitting alone in the car with all the trappings of success surrounding me: business suit, expensive sports car, owner of a business, and I was only 19. This was significant because it was before the internet. Back then, people thought I was some overachieving woman that had something special about me. The truth was, I was hiding what I thought was evil about me behind the mask of success. I thought by achieving more success, people wouldn’t notice the evil I was hiding.
I remember sitting there in the car deeply contemplating how much emotional pain I was in, when I whispered those words to myself, “I’m gay.” I knew how hated being gay was back then. It was hard to keep a job or get an apartment. Everyone you knew was disgusted by it. Back then the fear of “fag bashing” kept you quiet and in the closet, because the violence was unspeakable and brutal.
When I quietly said it to myself, I finally landed in my body. My shoulders dropped and my stomach relaxed. I could feel an inner silence finally come over my heart and soul as my mind wasn’t working overtime to shield me from the hate and judgement of others. I remember feeling the weight of the facade dissolving and this was a good feeling. I wasn’t hiding from myself even if I was still hiding from the rest of the world. For that moment, I felt like it was okay to be me, even if it was only me that thought so.
I could hear those words my mother told me many years ago, “Vickie, to thine own self be true.” It meant that I should never lie to myself and this was my first journey into learning how to bloom where I was planted. I never wanted to be gay. I don’t think anybody ever chooses that for their life. However, the power of accepting what is, makes the soil by which you will bloom, rich and fertile. You won’t know it at the time, but it’s still true because you’ve passed through the “dark night of the soul” when you can speak the truth, even if it’s only to yourself.
The willingness to speak your truth, even when the whole world hates you, is painful and powerful. In that era, gay living was a complicated gift, and still is. It has been the perfect gift. I have to watch how people react to me because I’m gay. There are still many people who are uncomfortable with it even though it’s legal now.
What I learned about living with the world hating who I was, was that I first had to become the good soil that would help me bloom. You have to be careful that you don’t join them and hate yourself as well. We live in a world where people love to belong and fit in. When you don’t, you can lose yourself by trying to please others. Lucky for me, there was no way to fit into society being gay.
Back then, you had to be aware of the choices you made because if you were found to be gay in certain places, like the military, things didn’t turn out well for you. I remember wanting to go into the military after high school and choosing not to because if they found out I was gay, I didn’t want to be locked away somewhere for psychological evaluation. Which was the protocol back then.
The truth is, although I knew I was gay, hiding from the humiliation I felt, when others found out and fired me for being gay, was tough. I felt the embarrassment and humiliation of everyone else around me finding out that I was gay because I became the office gossip of the week. This situation was something that pushed me to become an entrepreneur. I was tired of being fired and gossiped about for my sexual orientation. Being gay forced me to learn how to do things beyond my comfort zone, such as starting a business or building a life.
I couldn’t get married legally and enjoy all the same rights straight people enjoyed. I spent a short time being a police officer and I had to learn to protect my family using different methods. I couldn’t buy a life insurance policy and have my wife’s name on it. She couldn’t go to the ICU and be allowed to see me if I were suddenly laying on my deathbed. I had to find loopholes and workarounds to protect her and our family. It cost me double what it cost a straight couple to protect my family.
This is when I learned the second most important thing about learning how to bloom where you are and that is, if life is truly good to you, it will force you out of your comfort zone. Don’t fight it, make friends with it. That simple want to protect my family helped me become the successful business consultant and bestselling author I am today. I had to look for alternatives. That forced me to learn how to see opportunities where others would not see them.
It taught me how to have a more vast view of possibilities. I had to explore opportunities from a different perspective. It helped me deepen my mindfulness and awareness because I wasn’t subject to the average daily rules that most people enjoyed. I couldn’t fall asleep in my life or live a status quo life. It helped me learn to think outside of the box and see how I could utilize what was actually in the box to my benefit. It grew my thinking mind.
This is how the bulbs get planted into the soil. You don’t know it at the time, but these beautiful and colorful bulbs that are planted will suddenly bloom without you knowing it or even where it came from. Quietly I was becoming proud of myself. The illusionary obstacles in my way were actually blessings in disguise.
Suddenly, I was growing a level of self-love that I’d never experienced before, simply because I was forced to become the best form of me in order to live in a world that hated me. When this tinge of self-love happened, it planted a seed in my soul. I wanted to grow it deeply into my psyche and being. I wanted it to be the root in the soil that would allow me to bloom. This opened up the third most important aspect of how to bloom where you are and that is diving into self-discovery. Unearthing the gifts of you that allow you to thrive under any circumstances is the path to learning to bloom in many conditions.
Everyone has those gifts hidden in their soul. When you plant those gifts into the rich soil of you, it becomes you. You learn to bloom in many conditions and environments. You bloom where you are, because it has become who you are. You’ve learned to bloom wherever you are planted.
I can remember the moment I became comfortable in my own skin. Comfortable with who I am and living the core of me lovingly, kindly, and proudly. I’ve never stopped blooming from that point on. Wherever you are planted right now, you are the flower, the soil and the ecosystem that you have to grow in. All you have to do is be your true self. Accept who you are and what is in your life. Then step out of your comfort zone. Dive in to self-discovery and unearth the gifts of you hidden in your soul. Plant the seeds of self-love and watch yourself bloom.
Vickie Helm is a bestselling author, business and asset strategist, and the CEO of Smart Group Firm. She has improved the success of more than a thousand companies and the lives of thousands of individuals throughout her career. You can learn more about Vickie at https://thesmartlifeclub.com or https://vickiehelm.com.