Teengers Do It All The Time
Teenagers do it all the time. Helpless once they are refused of what they need from a parent; they're going to signify discontent by acting out disappointment, hurt, or outrage. What happens next is normatively necessary, and in most parent/child relationships this response happens sometimes.
Faced with the child's sulking, crying, or tantrum, the parent feels regret or unhappiness for saying ‘no,' or simply seeks relief from the emotional intensity and then relents. "All right, only this once, you will be ready to have it (or do it). Because it matters so much to you. Just stop making such a fuss!" suddenly the child brightens up, and learns how there is persuasive power in the strong expression of emotion, notably unhappiness. This can always be used for them to get their way.
Don't Give In
During adolescence, once getting freedom from parents becomes increasingly important, manipulation of parental authority through lying, pretence, and pressuring becomes more common. Emotional blackmail combines all three.
Thus once begging and the pleading fails to win a parent over or change their mind, the ways of emotional blackmail can come into play. The particular emotions exploited vary in line with the emotional susceptibility of the parents. However, the target is typically identical - to urge parents to give in or change their mind.
Parents shouldn't only stand firmly in the face of this emotional blackmail; they need to hold the teen accountable. Thus once the teenager uses intense anger or suffering to beat a parental refusal, the parent should be ready to say and mean: "Acting emotionally upset is not going to change my mind. However, if you'd wish to inform me specifically about why you feel so upset, I definitely want to listen to what you have to say."
Learn To Confront It
Declaration creates understanding. However, emotional blackmail creates distrust. At worst, once feelings are expressed for an extortionate result, then the authentic value of these feelings can become corrupted.
Of course, even as the adolescent first learned the ability of emotional extortion in childhood, so did you. Therefore, as parents, don't resort to stooping down to manipulation along with your child.
Declare what you want or don't want to have happened in specific terms, then discuss and talk about the disagreement. Do not use the sturdy expression of emotion to urge your approach. Otherwise, you'll encourage that extortion from your teenager by your own unhealthy example.
