First I would like to prime this post by saying that the point of this is not to say that I am right, and this is just the way it is, and that everyone needs to get on board or be wrong. My hope is that this post will open up a discussion in the comments section, or in other posts that can move us closer to harmony in our interactions. So if you agree, cool. If you disagree, cool. Let’s talk about it.
I just ask that you read it all the way through before you decide what I'm trying to say. Thanks everyone. I'm looking forward to hearing your responses.
Everyone has ideas about what it means to do things for others or what it means to be selfless or selfish, but words fail here.
Is it Possible to Commit a Purely Selfless Act?
Here are my current thoughts on that:
We don't work that way. We simply wouldn't do it. We are selfish creatures. Right now you are probably thinking that you aren't or know someone who isn't selfish; you’re probably wrong.
You are probably thinking of some spiritual or community leaders you have heard accounts about or witnessed personally that have exhibited selflessness, but again you’re probably wrong. You might think that this is just simply my pessismism showing, but it is actually not a pessimistic view at all. Here is what I mean:
Drive to Survive Then Thrive
Humans act on motives driven by biological needs and intellectual desires. Without them we simply wouldn't act.(would we?) There would be no need to. So, with that said what is everyone's main concern? From the basest viewpoint it is the biological drive to survive, to continue living. Beyond that there is the general motive shared by all to feel good and to not feel bad.
To survive one needs air, water, food, and sleep. After these goals are met one wants more than to just survive. They want to thrive. They want to feel good and to avoid feeling bad. People go about this all types of ways based on their understanding of what it takes to acquire or defend from those feelings, and pursuing this can range in a person from very simple to bewilderingly complex.
When you add a person's beliefs into the mix, which are essentially that person's experiences and the way they thought of and felt about these in relation to themselve's and the world, you get any given individual. Any given Individual is selfish and goes through life seeking to satisfy themselves in one way or another. There is no escaping it. It is impossible for someone to act for another, beyond their motivation in every way: selfless.
There are many who will disagree with this, but most will just reject the idea before examining it because they see the idea as ugly or not fitting into their beliefs. However, it is not an ugly image, but a more correct version of reality (matter of opinion? Maybe).
There are examples of people who have done great things for people at their own expense, but this is not selflessness. There is nothing you can give or do for someone that is selfless, because in the end whatever you do was done for YOU, to fulfill some desire that YOU had.
It can be just because you don't like to see someone suffer or it can be some religious conviction that YOU hold. No matter how much of a disadvantage this act puts you at while helping another it isn't selfless, because you were acting from YOUR beliefs or feelings about the situation. In the end you felt a certain something about the situation and your actions were to resolve this feeling inside YOURSELF. Really look at this through honest introspection. I think you will find it to be true.
So What?
You might be thinking what is the purpose of this contemplation? Is it to point out simply that we are mean selfish people. No, there is no need to label this inherent selfishness as an undesirable thing within the self to try and extinguish.
This wouldn't be possible anyway. I am simply saying that this is how we operate, and suggesting that we reorganize how we view ourselves and this selfishness in the world. I say we remain selfish, but we expand our idea of self.
What the Hell Are You Talking About
Expanding your idea of self isn't really a strange idea at all. We do it all the time in a sense. For sports lovers it is as simple as their favorite team. When someone has a favorite team that becomes a part of who they are. They identify with that, and will defend that team the same way they would if someone said something cross about them.
This is what I mean by expand the sense of self. We protect the things that we identify with in about the same way we protect ourselves.
Your circle of selfishness first holds you then those closest to you (friends and family for many). You will look out for those people, to a degree, the same way you would yourself. As your life continues relationships grow, you acquire skills, join organizations, refine your identity, and so much more you will begin to notice that other things creep into your “sense of self”.
For instance, if you are an artist then you want good things to happen to artists as a whole, and you will protect “artists well being” or place in the world the same you would your own self. So we grow ourselves from single pieces to “Transcend and Include” bits of our experience and self to find out that we were never separate from it all other than in our minds. Now we are looking out for ourselves, family, friends, and sub-cultures that we belong to.
I'm going to drop a few lines of a song I wrote that just rings so true when I think about the disruption caused by drawing lines.
All your thoughts of me and mine
Have got you living in fear,
But without the line that an I draws
The perception becomes so clear.
There is no math in the world.
You think you're adding to sums.
Well, addition was never a thing
Until division was done.
So we have expanded our sense of self to include family, friends, and some of the subcultures that we “belong” to. We have to dissolve our programmed patriotism and all of these imaginary territorial boundaries. For Example, move from the statement “I am a Texan” to “I am an American” and then on to “I am a citizen of Earth”. We need to push toward the most inclusive view possible until our sense of self contains everyone and everything in existence. That is how we get everyone looking out for each other.
Until we all learn to expand our idea of self to include everyone and everything in existence then we will continue to have all of the problems inherent in an us versus them scenario
Maybe Take a Step Back
But maybe a precursor to this “expanding of self” is to first learn to love yourself. I wonder if someone who hates their self expanded their sense of self to include all if that might not be destructive. People who don’t like themselves create turbulence and misery in everything they touch. So maybe that is something to consider as well.
One has to know their self before they can love their self, and that might be one of the biggest problems we face as a whole.
My People
Let’s make all people our people. When people say “my people” that can mean a lot of different things. Most often I hear it used to talk about race. When I think about it I think about those most like me. For me “my people” are the creatives and original thinkers.
I say my people because when I am around these types of people it seems that a larger part of my personality becomes alive, I “become” more myself.” Why? Most likely because we have loads of shared interests and experiences that aren’t allowed to be expressed in other settings with other individuals.
The more I study that thought, “My People” it is funny. If the basis for my people is commonality then all people should be my people or your people, our people. If we don't think we have something in common with every single person it is because we are choosing to focus on what is different and ignore what is the same for one reason or another.
We find our common ground. We are life. We are struggling under the same conditions. We need the same things to survive. We all suffer the same pains of loss.
The battle we’re fighting isn’t between ourselves; it’s ignorance that’s the enemy
If we don’t stop drawing lines and saying us versus them instead of saying us against the hardships of existence then our problems will continue to grow exponentially.
So How Do We Expand
So how do we expand our sense of self to include everyone and everything? We reach out, and explore concepts that we thought were already decided and closed. Through introspection we can really examine our “programming” and through this awareness we make the powers of this programming less potent. We need to examine our relationship with this environment and the things in it.
Think about all the things that you identify with. Really inspect them and try to find when and where you attached that concept to yourself. Explore who you think you are. Focus on the way that you feel about those concepts in regards to yourself. Now take those feelings and those concepts and let it radiate out until you can start to feel yourself looking out for groups and individuals outside your current sense of identity.
Go out and listen to someone you would have never noticed before. See yourself in them. If you can not find common ground or beauty in every person and situation then maybe it is time to tweak your perception. Borrow a new lens
Some beauty you might have to look harder for but that doesn't make it any less beautiful, only less familiar.
If you see yourself in the face of every stranger then there are no strangers.
I realize that this post is a little unorganized, but I have been awake for way too long. So I hope you will let it slide this time ;)
Like I said earlier this post is about starting a conversation, so I hope you will share your thoughts, and maybe we can make a few steps in a better direction.....but really....let me know what you think, because I have been having this conversation with myself all night which feels a bit like only owning one book ever. So just let me take a look at your pages....just a little peak
