Look around you, now.
Maybe not physically, not where you are.
Look at the people that surround you, have a good look at those you call 'friends'.
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What do you see?
Describe them, in 3 or 5 or 10 words. Tell me their qualities. And their faults. Don't hold back on either, 'cause I really won't judge. Because I don't really care. Might sound heartless, insenstive, rude even. But it's not. It is but a simple fact – I do not care about their pros and cons, because I do not care about them. I don't care about your friends because I don't know them.
But you do.
So, take a good look, my dear friend, at this mental list of attributes and faults – perhaps one of them is naive, perhaps another is quite stupid, in truth, perhaps one lacks self-esteem. And maybe these same people have a good sense of humor, or a kind heart. Everyone has faults and attributes. And the reason you should care, in particular, about those of your friends, is because they mirror your own.
Seems logical, doesn't it?
After all, we're always told to be careful with whom we surround ourselves, aren't we? Although we never think it matters much. So so what if Jim is a bit slow, or Mike is a bit racist? They're our friends, we overlook.
Besides, that doesn't mean we are like that. Oh no, God forbid. Or does it?
After all, we somehow chose Jim and Mike as our close friends, didn't we? It's not a relationship that has evolved out of nowhere, but one we have grown and nurtured consciously.
Friends can be different, naturally, all of them are. But not that different. We have a similar sense of humor, otherwise we wouldn't really work. We tend to like the same genre of films, and we enjoy similar passtimes, because we wouldn't be able to hang out if we didn't. Just like in a relationship, too many differences eventually lead to a breakup. Of course, I'm talking about romance here, as well.
Basically, about everyone that's in your close immediate circle. The people you hang out with, those you see on a regular basis, the ones you confide in, the ones you love.
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And about the fact that, like it or not, you're a bit slow and a bit racist, too, just like Jim and Mike. We pick people with whom we have things in common as our friends, so perhaps it's this shared trait (which doesn't need to be a bad one, by the way) that brought us closer together. It's what we formed a bond over. Maybe.
Even if that was not the case,we have, by now, spent many years together, whether as lovers, friends or both. And even if we were somehow, radically different when we first met, over the years, we've become more alike. Because you talk more to a lover or a friend than to strangers, you watch each other and learn each other's habits. And unconsciously, you start mimicking them.
Don't worry, they're equally screwed, because they' ve started mimicking you, in the meantime.
And besides, the people we surround ourselves with push us, in one direction or another.
Well, I wish I could say they all push us towards better versions of ourselves, but the sad truth is they don't. Some people drag you down, not out of malice, but because of different levels. As I said, there need to be similarities. We tend to work best with people who are quite a lot like us.
So, if there's a large gap between two people, whether they're friends, lovers or whatever, there are two possibilities. They either drift apart, largely due to that gap. Or one of them has to take the leap unto the other side, to close the space between the two. The bad thing here is, it's usually the ones who are higher up, who have the better characteristics. Logical, I guess. It's much easier to jump down than up.
Don't be that person. Don't be the guy or gal who takes the fall and jumps down. You'd think that the ideal situation is that you and your friends/partner are on cliffs of a similar height, but I don't think that's true, either. In a same-level relationship, you're not forced to leap, you're not forced to lower your standards, conversation, or to alter your sense of humor. You can just be yourself. And from many points of view, that's exactly what you want. It's great to be yourself with people.
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But the jump is, essentially a good thing. Life is a journey, you can not progress without moving. In the first scenario, you're moving downward – bad. In the second, you're not moving downward, but you're stuck in the same narrow patch of ground – better, but still bad.
I think what you should strive for, in this life, is to have the lower ground. Most of us shy away from it, from interacting with people who are funnier, smarter, warmer than us. Because we fear inferiority, we crave the higher ground, because it makes us feel good about ourselves. But that's wrong.
That's why you should always try to be the guy on the lower cliff, jumping upward, trying to grab unto the higher cliff.
Try to surround yourself with people you look up to, with people you admire. Clever, interesting, caring people. People who have the potential of pulling you up, of making you want to better yourself.
People who push you to go further, rather than stay in place.
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It's the hardest choice, but it's also the best, in the long run.
Thank you for reading,
