img src
Becoming better listeners is a must, but...
It takes a lots of practice, there are no shortcuts to this. The idea that you have to attentively listen to someone who you believe is saying something that is entirely wrong can seem like asking you to eat sand. But the truth is that It does not have to, listening attentively does not mean that you have to instantly agree, you simply have to acknowledge you understood the message.
You might be surprised how many times I've had commonalities with people who held opposing views to my own. In the world of politics many of the differences that create conflict are based on implementation of solutions and not so much in the identification of a problem.
For example, we may agree that the way our current welfare system operates does not work efficiently. We may agree that there is obvious abuse and that it might even be sending the wrong message to the poorest among us. But what we might not agree on is how to go by fixing it with some asking for more taxation, a bigger budget and others for its eradication, but both believing they are acting in the name of the greater good.
I try to exit my echo chamber as often as possible
Specially because I'm very aware that my own personal beliefs and convictions are radically different from a younger me. This makes me at peace with the fact that they will change yet again and when my beard has turned completely white I will probably look back at some of today's ideas, rants and even blog entries with a pinch of melancholy as if I missed an old confused friend.
Another thing I think about often is how unmerited love and respect can be, if there is nothing but agreement being had. Think about that for a second, imagine having a relationship where everything you say is by default agreed to by your significant other, where there is no back and forth, no feedback of any sort. What could the end result look like? How would that relationship grow, if it actually ever does? What I'm trying to say is that we need disagreements, we need to be challenged or we won't grow at all.
If you feel like its a waste of time
Then it is, but that also might be because you did not listen at all. I've had long conversations with people of radical views, people who believe the population of the planet should be cut in half by a plague and I walked away learning something new about sustainability and economy. That may sound like a horrible experience to most and I won't say I enjoyed listening to someone calling for genocide, but I did find vestiges of logic in the reasoning.
We tend to only watch, only listen to things that agree with our world view. Its the mental equivalent of laying cotton on the floor and living inside permanent safe space. If we take this analogy further and we think about how everything else works in life, we might find the obvious inconsistency staring us right in the face.
- Walking barefoot on harsh terrain makes your feet stronger.
- Working out your muscles, straining with pain to lift heavy objects make them stronger.
- Practicing holding our breath under water expands our longs and makes them stronger.
I don't think I need to continue the list to make my point, these are all obvious and we all know them. But, Why is it we can't seem to understand our brain works in the same way? Why is it we believe a life of no conflict is even possible in any healthy context.
Conflict finds you in the end anyway
Its completely unavoidable and that is something we also know and know quite well. We however have the choice to learn from it, to grow, to expand our knowledge on our position or to shutdown, close our mind to opposing views and live a fantasy land where everyone agrees with us and our worldview.
It almost does not matter if we believe our thoughts to be benign, to be as dangerous as carrots. There is someone out there who believes you are wrong and it might be valuable to find out why.
Are you ready to argue?
