Hi,
yesterday we had the Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year, at least in the Northern Hemisphere. The Blue Monday, started as a marketing campaign, from Sky Travel. It is actual a pseudoscience thematic, as is using some arbitrary variables, without the measuring values. Also, winter is not the season with the most suicides, spring is taking the spot, contrary to popular beliefs, with April leading the way.
Well, nevertheless, depression as a whole is a major killer. It is long term illness, mostly hidden and seldom seen.
In the past, I had two major depressions, one 11 years ago, when my back to then girlfriend left me, after we planned to move together, build a house and a lot of other stuff that you do as a couple. Everyone knew, only me not. I moved at that time to another country, she did not want to come and did not want to live in the house I had back then. I turned to a self-destructive behaviour, going every night to parties, sleeping a lot around and not taking care of my body. Luckily, at that time I was in the best shape of my life, with 6-packs sticking out.
The second episode was 6-7 years ago, when I did a bad investment, I got laid off by the company that I worked for, with half of the colleagues, just because a moron of a CEO wanted to maintain his seat. I played pro-poker at that time, but have quitted it, even if the returns have been amazing. I did not have any more joy in it. It was the time that I've joined the blockchain and the time when my son was born. The new company that hired me was a grind to the bone job, which did not make the situation easier. I could not enjoy the first 2 years of my kid's life, due to the depression. My wife was very supportive, she is also finished the psychology university with focus on special needs kids, so she knew somehow how she could handle it. She was my rescue. It took 5 years to get out of this mind prison which left scars, as I've aged a lot, gained some weight and white hair. Like said above, got lucky to have been into sports whole my life and have good genes. That was my main physical rescue.
The second time, I knew somehow I'm affected, and tried to push myself in silence. I'm not into drugs, think that drugs are for weak people, that can't handle their life, and also not into being drunk. Even if these two symptoms are a call for help. Most of the time, the person affected by it, does not fill it. It just consumes the soul from the inside, and the ones around do not notice it. There are small subtle signs, like talking less, or talking about mundane crap, that does not matter. Initiative is mostly lost, and the person goes with the flow.
Why I'm writing about this? Well, now I can, two years after the last phase. I'm aware how draining it was, and the tool it took. I'm not writing this to get empathy, just on the other hand, if you notice that you are impacted, contact me, to talk about it. You can find me easily in discord, where we can have a decent chat. I had the chance to have the beautiful woman next to me, that gave me all her love and gave me a purpose.