I had plans to finish a blog on human nature as a living system, exploring the relationship between healing and systems thinking. This subject stimulates my mind and soul on an unprecedented level. I've been significantly impacted by the mental connections I'm making, and the flashes of insight felt on a somatic level.
Yet with all that I am writing about The Hakomi process in my previous posts (here's Pt. 1 and Pt. 2), the things we create in our lives, especially the ones that hold deep meaning and purpose to us, seem to unfold in their own rhythm and on their own timeline. Our work is to build the container for these creative forces to emerge, noticing the psychological and emotional barriers and stuck points that get in the way of that process. Things move at the speed of trust.
While all of these discoveries are taking place, I've also been processing a whole range of complicated feelings and thoughts, working with the discomfort and vulnerability that has arisen as a result. I know better to see that a "bad mood" is merely the surface of deeper processing that wants to be tended to. Grief and confusion about my life. Fear of the deep and intense love I feel for another soul. Working to authentically believe that my voice and perspectives matter when it comes to the efforts I partake in and the people I interact with.
So the blog is not ready yet. Instead of forcing or pushing, which can often be my go-to unconscious strategy, I figured the next wise step is to dance.
One of the most profound discussions I've read on the power of dance is from the inner teachings of the Torah: Miriam’s Circle Dance. I've mentioned this before, yet the receiver (me) is in a different place. A place where I can receive its wisdom on a deeper level. The Torah speaks on what transpires after the miraculous parting of the Red Sea. Miriam the prophetess gathers the women to dance and celebrate, in the form of a circle. Moving out of linear form, circle consciousness invites the celebration of divergent worldviews, experiences, and truths that all have a place, and serve the larger whole. Authority and hierarchy by themselves diminish human and community potential. As Sarah Schneider from Woman and the Circle World puts it, "the spiritual bliss of the world to come is the intensely abiding joy of finally becoming who you are. When that happens the distorting veneer of hierarchy will melt away and, behold, we will find ourselves standing in a circle."
The Torah emphasized how Miriam knew of this evolved consciousness, and that song and dance was a vessel for embodying this consciousness.
The lights of the circle world are so vast that they cannot fit into the brain as an isolated organ of consciousness. They require full body participation (for example in dance), and even a collection of them in coordinated activity (in this case all women) to create a container sufficiently spacious to hold their revelations. — Sarah Schneider, Woman and the Circle World
Miriam's Circle Dance presents a vision of a woman recovering her full stature and feminine consciousness. As she matures, she exerts greater influence on the world and its values. I believe that the power of the feminine, the yin, expands beyond gender. This consciousness shift in how we see the world is for all of us.
So instead of finishing the blog on systems thinking, I created a digital journey of my dance session today.
I was surprised to see that the songs I intuitively chose directly aligned with the creative forces I want to further call in to my life for this new year:
Deepen my gratitude
Something I struggle with is feeling perceived inner scarcity: fear of not having enough resources to manage life's challenges, not being intelligent or lovable enough, not doing enough for others or the world, not being accountable or trustworthy enough, etc. I want to heal this. The times in my life where I've experienced powerful spiritual revelations always include an element of being amused and shocked by how untrue those beliefs of scarcity are. Instead, I feel gratitude for who I am and what I've endured and been through in order to be who I am now. I view gratitude as the starting point of any personal change process. Gratitude is clear seeing, an acknowledgment of the (often hidden) gifts of the present moment, despite all that we desire to do to enhance or improve our lives. This creates a feeling of abundance, feeling enough in our own bodies. Relaxation naturally arises, as we drop our defenses and reduce the background noise that clouds our thinking. As a result, creativity can emerge when we expand our awareness. And gratitude is inclusive. It expands on the goodness of our lives that is already here, in order to include more of what's possible as we evolve. Gratitude is also contagious and something that brings us together, like the potential of gift and sharing economies to revive the Commons. This year, I want to participate and help create community efforts that strive to do this.
Here's a 5 minute video where I tap into the spirit of gratitude:
Take my time
Something I'm working towards is a sense of self-worth independent of performance and being perfect. This ties into the scarcity thing, where I struggle with not feeling like I'm "there" yet, and therefore have to rush my own growth process and get caught up in nonstop doing to compensate for all that I lack. I get impatient with myself and life. I get super hard and critical of myself. I remember taking an advanced shuffle dance class, and felt so down on myself that I couldn't get the moves down. I hated that I was a beginner. I'll never forget what the teacher told me: "I would give anything to be a beginner again. Everything is so fresh, alive, possible. Savor where you are now." In the constant rush to do more in order to get "there," I lose sight of the magic of the organic learning process, driven by narrow attention and narrow goals. In December, I participated in an event that explores the future of leadership through feminine archetypes. I volunteered to be the Maiden. On the card of the Maiden, it says, "Step back and take a fresh perspective. Return to your innocence. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? How would you love if you’ve never been hurt? What future would you create if the power were in your hands?"
As Aikido founder Morihei Ueshiba eloquently states, "there are times when you may be overwhelmed by the teachings of the Way. At such moments, it is important to continue with the original spirit of a beginner."
Here's a 2 minute video of me being reminded to take my time:
Get outside the box
Our culture encourages conformity and tribalistic thinking. On the other hand, authenticity is how we express ourselves naturally, when we are not solely influenced by what's culturally or socially acceptable, or what others think of us. While I find myself to be quite authentic in some forms, like how I physically present myself to the world and the ways that I fiercely stick to my values and morals in activism and professional settings, I can be quite codependent where I fear what others might do or think of me if I show up authentically in my personal life. So this year, I am ready to take risks, get messy and outside the box, try new things. I don't want to just be the nice girl anymore. I don't want to be afraid of my own power. I am ready to be my whole self! So much of my 20s have been to address past traumas. Now, I'm at a place of healing where I'm ready to create the new me. And I can feel my environment reflecting this, with new love, work, and possibly even new home in the coming months...
Here's a 6 minute video of me dancing to a Rolling Stone classic that brings this authentic energy out of me:
Don't take myself or life too seriously
Lastly, I'm committed to continue not taking myself or life too seriously, especially when I'm feeling emotionally charged. To keep laughing uncontrollably, to not lose sight of the bigger picture. To keep life fresh in my mind and heart. To keep jumping out of the trance of irrational fear and worry, and into something alive and real. So I welcome play, laughter, and fun when those states do arise, as temporary as they are. As William Blake says, "kiss the joy as it flies."
Here's a 2 minute video of me reveling in the great joy of life!