When I was invited by @ayesha-malik for the current ladies of Hive contest, I had to contemplate about various aspects of my personality to figure out which thing I would like to modify or change to bring out a better version of myself. It should be something that would bring peace, satisfaction and happiness in my life.

After thinking for a while, I knew the answer. If I could change something in my personality it would be the

Trait of Perfectionism

At a glance, it may sound strange how changing the trait of Perfectionism would bring peace and joy in my life. However, a deep consideration will reveal the underlying mechanisms and troubles. Here , it is worth mentioning that strive for perfection is different than that of Perfectionism. When we strive for perfection, we attain excellence, but if the perfectionism resides in us as a trait, it entangles us within our own thoughts. With its “all or none” approach it actually stops us from achieving what we otherwise could.

Perfectionism is something that magnifies our failures and minimize our successes. For instance, when I secured 98 marks in my mathematics paper, I should have been happy but I didn't feel happiness, instead I was sad fir not attaining 100 (something that I desired for). It is just one example. My life is filled with instances where I should feel happy but I don't. Instead of appreciating myself for completing 9 out of 10 task of the to-do list, I beat myself for not doing the 1 task.

Perfectionism stops me for participating in several activities. For instance, when I feel like I cannot win a contest, I refrain from participation. It gives me the feeling like I am not hood enough to compete. Winning is not everything, I know . Participation is something that creates the journey. It is much more important than winning. I believe this all, but the trait of Perfectionism has created hurdles in my way of participation.

Perfectionism makes me too hard on myself. I judge myself a lot in several domains of life. For instance if I am playing my role as a mother, wife and daughter well; if I proved to be a good friend; if I fulfilled my responsibilities well; if my writings are of good standard, so on and so forth…. This approach never let me be at peace with myself. In life, we cannot be 100% at everything. There is always something we miss or lack on. It doesn't mean we aren't doing well, but perfectionism keeps on telling me that I am not that good.

Perfectionism makes it difficult to take decision. I keep on examining the pros and cons matters. In order to make the best decision I think a lot. This type of thinking is actually called over thinking; and over thinking is itself an ocean of problems.

Perfectionism never let me take rest. I have always several things in my mind that do not even allow me to take a restful sleep. My mind is awake doing the task I have on my mind. Even a disorganized cupboard takes on my nerves.

For a couple of years after joining the blogging platform, I couldn't write much despite the fact that writing has been my passion since ever; and the reason was perfectionism. I kept on discarding ideas one after the other for finding the best one, and thus I remained with very little to write.

Over the time, I have tried to combat the perfectionism. To some extent I have succeeded but it still takes over me and steals my happiness, peace and satisfaction. That's why I want to change this trait of my personality.

I would like to end my post with the words of @zekepickleman that he stated in his post Thoughtful Thursday - Be Tolerant, Brighten a Day, Plant Flowers

While we do have to be kinder to ourselves as we fail our way to victories, strictness should play a part and not be mutually exclusive form kindness.

This is my entry for Ladies of Hive Contest 74. I would like to invite @kemmyb to participate.