Relationships are part of life and they can range from family relationship, cordial relationship to romantic relationship. Whichever one it is, fact remains that relationships are necessary in this world. No one falls from the sky to earth, rather babies pass through the 9 months journey in a female's body before they are born. The process of gestation is also a relationship bonding process for both mother and foetus and when the baby is born, he or she gets introduced into a group called family and as time progresses, the child learns to form bonds on his or her own.
Image is mine.
A healthy relationship is one in which there is mutual respect, love not based on conditions, tolerance and understanding. When these ingredients are in place, trust will naturally come into play and the relationship will progress unhitched.
For a relationship to be classified as toxic, then such a relationship lacks the ingredients I listed above rather the opposite of those ingredients are what is evident. Factors like manipulation, deceit, cheating and abuse are the order of the day. Sometimes, these factors are overt and can be easily noticed and the relationship cut off but more often than not, these factors are covert, meaning it would take years for either party to realise that they're not in a healthy relationship.
According to an article I read online, it stated that one out of three women enter toxyix relationships while one out of four men get entangled in a toxic relationship. Then the article further states that about 50% of people in a toxic relationship, choose to remain in such a relationship due to the following reasons...
What would people say if they leave their partner?
Who would accept them in a new relationship?
They feel worn-out or used up.
The feeling of the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know.
The thoughts hinged on the past benevolence of their partner etc.
Toxix relationships are not restricted to romantic relationships alone rather psychologist have studied and discovered that the root cause of toxic relationship,often stems from the home. A young handsome man was arrested for beating his wife till she fainted and when he was being interrrogated by the police officers, he said that he saw his dad beat his mother a lot and his mother never complained, so he grew up with the mindset rhat beating a woman is a show of affection and masculinity......how silly.
I know that we cannot choose our parents or the family that we find ourselves in but this goes to prove the proverb that says Charity begins at home. What children experience or see in their parents and family, is what they will exhibit when they grow up except for a relative few who will choose not to follow the status quo.
My emphasis is on romantic relationships because there's always a choice to stay or leave unlike family relationships. Most times, the euphoria of being "in love" can cloud the judgement of those in a relationship that they will see a red flag and call it a white flag. This is why psychological maturity is a criterion before entering a romantic relationship.
Another criterion is for the individual to have established strong values and standards on what they expect out of a relationship, before even getting into one. This will help in a great way to point out whatever does not tick the box. No one is perfect and therefore, no relationship is perfect but I believe that if two people who are sincere to themselves, respect themselves and understand themselves come together, then they can make the relationship a blissful one.
Toxicity effects
The effects of a toxic relationship are numerous and dangerous because it would leave the person damaged, depressed, battered and suicidal. Some persons have been lucky to leave a toxic relationship intact physically while others were maimed. Some were lucky to leave alive, while some died in that relationship. *A clear case study is one that brought pains to the hearts of those who heard of it. This happened in 2022 and it concerns a popular Nigerian singer who died due to physical abuse from her husband. Upon her death, many reports began to roll in as to what she had been suffering in marriage but the one that got to me was a testimony from her twin sister who confirmed that during one of their studio sessions, she witnessed the husband walk in and slapped her sister right in the presence of people but the deceased sister begged her not to tell anyone because she believes the husband will change.
Anyone who won't change to be better for themselves will not change for another person. It is high time we ealize this truth and choose better for ourselves. The effects of being in a toxic relationship are long term and thus, it should not be taken lightly. Think about it this way, do you want another person's child to suffer what you're suffering in a toxic relationship in the hands of your kids? If your answer is no, then it's high time to say No to toxicity in whatever form and in any relationship.
Thanks for reading. This is my entry to the #octoberinleoinitiative for day 24.
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