There are certain things in life that opens us up to abuse and burn out and one of those things is being overly available all the time for people. While I understand the fact that we need to care for the ones we cherish and call our close pals, I also need to tate that sometimes being tok available is a prerequisite for over-familiarity and insults.
As an African child, most of the core values taught to me from childhood was to be obedient no matter what. I would hear things like "obey before complain" or "obey the last order" ( and I wasn't from a military home). These kind of teachings made me feel for a long time that I had to do what people wantes me to do. The adults and elderly used this to yheir advantage a lot. They would not mind interrupting your work for their own task and would not hesitate to scold any form of defiance.
My understanding opened up when I began to reflect on the behaviour of the people I had gone the extra mile for even when I didn't feel like it. I have taken up their responsibilities and you would think that they would even be appreciative but no rather they make me feel less of myself. They pestered me and played the "obedience is a virtue" card just to make me do what they want but when it was my turn to ask for help, they would give me a 500 words reason why they can't help me and I would be abandoned like that but when they sense that I'm over with whatever issues I had going on, they come again with their pestering and urgings for help.
I remember the first time I said NO to someone who was pestering me for help. Ah! It was not a sweet feeling at first but later on I began to feel relieved. That was when it clicked in my brain that "life would go on whether I help or not". I saw the way the people who were pestering me for help, began to manage on their own, the vey task they wanted me to do and I was like what the fluff.
Ever since then, I began to master the art of saying No to whomever. Once I check myself and my schedule and I don't want to do anything, then no one on earth can get me to do that thing. This change has caused me to value my self more and by extension, make others value me as well. I'm not always available anymore. I don't jump up to undertake responsibilities that are not mine anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I still help people out but it is on my own terms and not because of any pestering or urgings and I have noticed that doing it this way brings me immense joy and satisfaction. The art of saying No can be learnt. It might not feel good at first , you might even be called selfish and uncaring but later when you will be appreciated for the things you do.
Thank you all for reading. This is my entry to the #octoberinleoinitiative for day 14.
Images used are mine.