I finally got to understand the meaning of "do not act in anger," and it has been a wake-up call since then. Although I still feel some sense of regret from my actions, I'm trying not to be overwhelmed by it, because I despise being regretful. Which is why, during conflict, I prefer to take the diplomatic approach. But what would you decide if, despite your diplomacy, the trouble is persistent? Will you fight back or continue to ignore it? While the first option may be tempting, as it is the quickest way to react, the latter is often the best. Even though it's the most challenging one when confronted with conflict, it can be the simplest for the sake of peace and also doing what's right.
But the question is, how many of us are willing to do the right thing? Sometimes, we get agitated to prove a point, teach people a lesson, and show the world that we are not weak. But this is often at our detriment. You know, I wish I had this realization sooner, but it was in my regrettable moment that I recognized I failed in being reasonable and assertive when I needed to be.
Sometime ago, I saw myself in an avoidable conflict with my neighbor, Mr. Solo. Despite sensing his resentment towards me, I had let my anger surge. The thing is, I never saw the situation deteriorating to the point where he used degrading names for my mother.
For quite some time, relating with him, I had tried restraining my anger. It was I who always responded calmly to him, even when I felt attacked. I know the negative effect that anger has on me. Thus, I make a conscious effort to avoid triggers. Yet, every time I try to effectively manage my emotions, life seems to find ways to exploit my vulnerabilities.
On the day I had a clash with Mr. Solo, I was preparing to leave work when my mother called to inform me about an unpleasant situation in our compound. Before my mom's call, Mr. Solo had disrespected me verbally again in our WhatsApp group, but as with the first encounter, I chose to ignore him.
The conflict between Mr. Solo and me sprouted when he blatantly refused to contribute to the shared electricity bill that is responsible for everyone's water supply. Instead, he opted for a private bill that had no means of providing water. Acting in a caretaker capacity on behalf of my father, I brought the matter to his attention since other neighbors were already expressing their displeasures over his use of water without paying his part of the bill.
Rather than respond appropriately, Mr. Solo became abusive with words. Although I remained calm all through his outburst, his decision to seek out my mother to insult her was highly unacceptable. His actions didn't end with just verbal abuse; he also threatened my mother. In response, I rushed home, determined to confront him and give him a taste of his own medicine.
On arriving home, he had already left for work, which aggravated my anger because I couldn't confront him directly. In an attempt to free myself from all that built-up rage, I vented to my mother, expressing exactly how I felt about Mr. Solo.
Later that evening, through our WhatsApp group, another neighbor, Mr. Arrison, inquired about my outburst and mentioned how surprised he was by my reaction. Instead of ignoring Mr. Arrison's comment, I felt vengeful and again lashed out my annoyance towards Mr. Solo and his family.
Despite Mr. Arrison's efforts to mediate, I refused to yield until I received an apology. But instead of an apology, I was met with more insults, leading to a regrettable exchange of degrading words between Mr. Solo and me.
The following day, when our paths crossed, I had expected Mr. Solo to continue his agitation, but he didn't utter any word. It was at that moment I recognized that I had messed up and wished I had reacted differently.
Moving on, I found it particularly frustrating when I heard my mother, who was also insulted, casually talking to Mr. Solo's wife after the incident and even extending greetings to Mr Solo who intentionally ignores her but that did not deter my mother as she continued greeting him and relating well with his family. I felt even more ridiculous when I instructed my child not to play with his children, only to catch her sneaking out to see them.
Again, I noticed that he and his wife tried to restrict their children from playing with my child, but they ultimately didn’t succeed.
Later on, when I saw our children playing together, I found myself wondering why we can't just be children. I bet the world would be a better place if we shun resentment like they do.
More than anything, I wish I could have the mindset of a child and forget everything that transpired. It's been a long time but I still feel regrets and even when everyone seems to have moved on, the entire ordeal still stings a little.