Plenty of time is what I currently have! Time that I have always asked for but never got, time that I wished I had but never did, time off work, time off of responsibilities and just time to rest.
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If I were asked a week ago what I would do if I had a month to spend at home, I would have had hundreds of answers and a hundred more ideas. I would have mentioned people that I longed to see, places that I dreamed of visiting, movies to watch, dozens of books to read and a million more memories to make.
For a person with such ambition for a time off, I am quite disappointed with myself. I have been at home for two weeks now and I'm already getting bored and tired. I've been fighting so hard to keep myself as busy as possible, trying to convince myself that this time off was the one I had been seeking. But honestly, it's just not working.
The first week was rather pleasant as I kept everything at ease. I read more books and watched many interesting movies. I talked to my friends online and kept myself updated. I was able to engage more with other writers, something I had ignored for some time now because of my busy schedule and it really felt like the time off I needed.
Just yesterday, I realized how my routine change drastically. I ran out of books to read and movies to watch and also my eyes started to hurt from so much time I spent staring at the screen of my laptop and the pages of the books I’ve read in that span of time. The thoughts I had for my newly started piece of writing were beginning to disperse and I started to spend more time in bed sleeping or forcing myself to sleep.
That is when I asked myself why? Why am I not happy for the time I’ve got? Why can’t I bring myself to just do the things I would have done any other day with a time off? Why can’t I act like I was given a long holiday?
I was able to reach on a single conclusion, that it’s all because of the restricting bonds that came with the time I was given. I realized it’s not the time that I needed in the first place, it was my own will and the freedom I had that kept me from doing the things I longed for.
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Yes it’s true that time is needed and so are some other things like money and so on but most importantly it’s our own will that we have certain power to control. Set your mind to do something and one way or another you’ll find the time for it.
It has always been our will dictating how we used our time and that was natural for us. We did things as we pleased when we pleased. We postponed meetings arranged with friends just because we weren’t up for it and missed family gatherings trying to avoid people. We had those choices to do and not to do. We set our priorities fluctuating as we deemed them important.
Time is the one in charge and it intends on making us rethink the judgment we made on how to spend it. For me, this time which has now become the boss of me has actually helped me set my priorities straight.
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