Many a times we fail to remember that just one step backwards may be bound to reshapen the bright future we have initially envisioned for ourselves. I've always been the good, faithful and obedient girl. One who wants to be seen and one whom many should be proud of. However, being seen and proud of became the utmost source of my deviation from the original plan.
Since my days in primary school, I felt like I've been kept in a prison all my life. The so many "Dos and Don'ts" considered as acceptable morals from my Grandma and mum filled me with bitter feelings of resentment. "Why can't I do whatever I want? Why can't I wear whatever I like?" I asked myself. Being controlled and overly protected was a great snare to what I had conceived in my mind to do. Although I feigned the looks of innocence, all I wanted was freedom.
The echoes of "Anita is now a big girl" intensified the feelings of freedom within me. Everyone in the family congratulated me on gaining admission to the university. Yeah! It's my peak period and I need to explore it with utmost satisfaction.
My first year in university seems to be best. I did exceedingly great in my exams. Infact, I was one of the best in my class. Not until my second year before I started sliding backwards. I became distracted and the zeal to keep focus was gradually fading away from my heart. I wanted to mingle and I never knew that this will land me into missing a great opportunity.
I had been selected among those who would represent my class for the Faculty's quiz competition. But, I didn't prepare well for it. I thought I'm still the girl with the sharp brain and memory and so I spent my time on other irrelevant purposes. "It's just a faculty competition. Nothing more", I muttered to myself.
Two weeks was given to all participants for adequate preparation. I didn't make the most of this time. I followed my friends to all sorts of parties including birthdays parties, get-together parties and other parties that do not resonate with my main purpose for being in the university. I whiled away time chit-chatting and mostly on social media. I thought I would still be able to keep up because I've always been brilliant. I never knew that in order to maintain a successful stance you shouldn't derail from the pathway to success.
I started to prepare for the competition two days before the D-day. I wasn't even totally dedicated to the reading. I read reluctantly. The thoughts of "I've always won competitions" made me feel as if nothing was wrong. "It's just a faculty competition", I said to myself with full but deceiving assurance.
The D-day finally came. Although, to many, I looked like one who has read all the books in the world, I knew deep down within me that I never really prepared for the competition. The competition took place in the Faculty's hall. It was a very large building painted with blue and pink. it was nicely decorated and the tables and chairs were neatly arranged.
I was seated among those who were selected to represent my class. When it was our turn to answer the quizzes, a queasy feeling settled into my stomach and my hands became sweaty to the touch. I felt really nervous and began to lose confidence in myself. Although, other students were cheering loudly in order to encourage us, I knew where the problem lied. I hadn't prepared. I was preoccupied with other irrelevant things. I didn't know when I started to cry as I was called to answer a question.
Judith who stood near to me noticed the tears and held my hands in shock. "What's wrong Anita ?", she said. "You can do this", she encouraged me. While the judges were still waiting for my answer, the bell rang and it was over. I went back to my seat in tears and regret. "What have I done to myself?" I said within me. "How could I have allowed this to happen?" I cried more.
When the results of the competition came out, my class didn't fail, we came third place. I was happy we didn't fail and on the other hand, I was sad because I knew if I had prepared well, we would have probably won. Those who answered the questions well were taken on a free trip to a conference where they had fun, brought lots of gifts, and were also certified for internship in a multinational company.
This hurt me so well because I've always dreamed of becoming part of an internship program with a multinational company. Although deviation from my initial aim and purpose in the university ended me in tears and regret, I determined in my heart to keep focus from henceforth.