Growing up, we've always had people telling us what to do, and on the positive side, their guidance has helped shape us into who we are today, but as times went on we discovered that there is a stage where we don't have to do what others tell us because we are still on the path to discovering ourselves and even though they might light have good intention for us, that doesn't always mean it's the right decision for us to make at that moment in time.
Image edited using canvas
I was eighteen and in my sophomore year in the university when I had the first suitor came for my hand in marriage, I was taken by surprise, to say the least, I've always heard stories of how young girls got married in the past to a man they've never met not until the day he came to ask for their hands in marriage, I thought this event only took place in the past or existed only in Nigerian movies or folk tale, not until I experienced it right before my eyes, a man probably in his late 30's or early 40's had come with his relatives bearing gifts of drinks, kola nuts, foodstuffs, etc that were usually brought when a man seeks a bride, it was like I was in a Nigerian movie. My dad called me aside and questioned me seriously if I knew the man in question, or any of his relatives, no! I replied with some bit of confidence, I wasn't sure If I had met this stranger before, but one thing was for sure, I don't know him and those were the exact words I told my dad
Image is mine
The man also confirmed my claim, telling my parent that he had been watching me from far since I was little, but hadn't been in the country for 3 years now, and had told his relative to keep an eye on me till I was ripe enough for marriage, the confidence, He looked wealthy yo some extent, but one thing was for sure, I wasn't going to get married to a stranger, and if he thought his little display of wealth was enough to make me fall into his hands, he thought wrong, I wasn't that kind of girl.
I made my parents aware of my decision, and they stood by me, but my aunt and some of my friends thought I wasn't smart turning down the offer most girls would have happily jumped in, they were constantly on my case, that I got really pissed any time someone brought the topic up, this was my life after all, and they were not going to live it for me, my mum almost succumbed to my aunt's perspective, but nothing they said would ever change my mind, I knew I wasn't ready for marriage, and even if I was, it wouldn't be me marrying a stranger because he was wealthy, I would rather marry a friend I've come to understand after months of courtship, because marriage is a lifelong commitment for me, even people that loved and cared for each other still divorced talk more of a total stranger, I would rather choose to go into a marriage out of love, and not under duress trying to please my relatives so they could be linked to a wealthy man.
My choice broke my aunt's heart and she started acting cold toward me, but I didn't mind, a few years later, we learned that the man was into some illegal business, fraud just like the rumored carried, and he was arrested while the young wife he later got married was deported alongside his son, while he serves some time in prison over there.
All that glitters is not gold, I understand my aunt might be looking at the good part of me living a luxurious life from a tender age in the name of marriage, but she never thought of if I would be happy in that luxury, when she heard about what happened, in fact, she was the one that broke the news to us, she couldn't stop feeling remorseful that she had advised me to marry the man for his money. Today, I'm almost 30, happily married to my friend, he is not the wealthiest of men, but he provides our needs and makes sure we are comfortable, and on my side, I make sure to be very supportive, not that we don't have our disagreement once in a while, but you know what keeps us going stronger, the fact that we studied and understand each other also grew up in mutual love and friendship.
My experience taught me that we all have our inner desires and expectations in life, and it's not a crime to seek that as long as we hurt nobody in the process, when others don't agree, this doesn't mean we arrogantly dismiss their all their input but should know when to discern what is good or bad for us. I've found that when I let my heart lead but use my head to make thoughtful decisions, It always end better.
For those facing difficult decisions or external pressures, I encourage you to check in with yourself, take a me time off before deciding simply sitting with your thoughts. Let the whispers of your intuition guide you. Have the courage to say no if an opportunity doesn't feel right for you, regardless of what advice is coming from those around you. Of course, be humble enough to still listen to counsel, especially from wise sources, but never forgo your ability to make empowered choices that align with your values.
As long as we are alive, we will always face decisions that need to call on discernment. It's a skill that will serve us endlessly. When we learn to listen to that place of truth witourselvesself while remaining open to the perspectives of others, it will help us walk a path of incredible purposefulness and personal power.
This post Is inspired by the #AprilInleo Monthly topics, come join in the fun of writing on interesting topics daily, check out the announcement post for more info.