Trying to Avoid conflict is truly a real action that has succeeded in influencing many of us, we are silent, we suppress our feelings and we also pretend that nothing is wrong but the fact is deep down in our hearts that we are actually sad, disappointed and even angry over the behavior. unpleasant environment for us. And it gets even worse when we're in a situation where we have to stand up for ourselves, possibly just being honest about our emotions or dealing with the behavior of someone who makes us so anxious, with a quivering mouth that makes it so hard for us to just say one word. enough is enough
But it doesn't just happen, there must be a reason, there's something that triggers us to act like that, it can't just happen, it's absolutely impossible.
Conflict avoidance behavior comes naturally but it happens thanks to you who grew up in an environment that views conflict as the norm and you don't have any special tools to deal with it, this usually happens when we are not given a safe base to rely on, a place to stay. a safe place where we can fully express ourselves, in such conditions surely each of us develop some unhealthy coping mechanisms, one of which is avoiding conflict for various reasons.
We have been in a state of fear of disagreement in any way because we have witnessed it many times before and it still lingers in our memories of how helpless we feel, it is true that we remember that our thoughts are being corrected and our feelings ignored, we still remember our early experiences of conflict and confrontation and it certainly wasn't good at all.
Why this often happens in our midst, maybe the following is the answer;
Learn from others, keep the peace
Keep in mind that pleasing other people is not a biological trait but rather a coping mechanism, and this trait you begin to develop from the moment you absorb the information that you will be loved and accepted if only you left your true self and all your needs, if Today you are a fun person and the environment has made you feel loved, in fact they have shown that you are unconditionally loved.
However, in childhood and even as a teenager we have to build good relationships with people who are older than us, and we all certainly hope that these relationships are consistent, but unfortunately when they don't know how to deal with us then we start to sabotage ourselves. and become someone beyond our limits.
It is highly unlikely that you will be able to express yourself safely if you are punished every time you try, and conversely how can you rationally avoid conflict if you have never had a disagreement before.
Suppressing one's own emotions for the sake of someone else's space
It is almost impossible to please people without mentioning the intertwined family, the entangled family is characterized by a lack of boundaries between family members which can lead to a lack of individualization of the family, and this attitude shows that your individuality is not respected and your personality is not encouraged to grow, you are here only on tap as they wish.
Every time your true self comes to the surface, they will immediately suppress you because they think your true self is a threat, besides that, you are now being asked to ignore your emotions and focus on the feelings of those around you.
For example, if your parents are angry then you are asked to feel their anger, if they are in a difficult situation you will be asked to ignore your goals and fulfill their needs, if they have standards for something then you will be asked to fulfill them regardless of mind. , feeling up to your destination.
Over time, you start to stop expressing your true self, here you start to adapt, you play a role so that you feel loved.
Some people have spent a lot of their precious time just betraying themselves by suppressing their own institutions and giving a verdict in their life, maybe they don't realize why they are so miserable and depressed, no wonder they have been cut off from their true self. themselves.
Avoiding conflict is a pleasant type of person that comes from not having the tools to resolve disputes in a healthy way, the only way to remove this mechanism in your life is to heal the root of the problem, when you realize that you have the right to speak your truth, and react. other people have no influence on you then you can be sure your whole life will change.
Ultimately it all boils down to your ability to be kind and compassionate to yourself.