I've been meaning to write something here for a couple of days now. I see now it's been 10 days since my last post. Huh. Could've sworn it wasn't more than 5. Anyway, I was oscilating between a more personal post, or a more general, world-y topic. Figured out I could do both, after reading @dreemit's post here (highly recommend).
We practice a lot of self-censorship, and in a sense, that's normal. We always have. I grew up on stories of how, back in Communism, my family was scared their younger siblings might accidentally blab in school about what was truly said in the house. The sort of thing that could get you thrown in jail. My grandfather was in jail. You know, was with the party until one day, he was not, and he started talking smack. Bad idea. So self-censorship has always been there from very early times. I'm sure even cavemen knew better than to grunt at those with a bigger, heavier bat.
But it's the one in our most recent times that's got me most worried. It's personal, and in a way, I think it's more insidious than other kinds of "restraint". Because now, we're no longer fearful of the caveman with the bigger bat, or of the police. We're fearful of our fellow man, and that's infinitely scarier. Why? Well, as long as I'm worried about the police, I can be careful and avoid detection. If I'm scared of society at large, I have to be permanently on guard.
There's so much terror about saying the wrong thing. Or not even saying the wrong thing, typing it. Which is the same nowadays. We're mortified we might let out our honest thoughts. Even if, in all honesty, they're not really that bad. I know a lot of people who are good and decent, yet who will preface their words with a dozen or so apologies, whenever discussing "sensitive issues", like trans or black or Arabic or Jewish or whatever else divisive topic we can come up with.
Like they wanna reassure you (and themselves) that they're not bad people.
That's extremely devious. Because it means that a very small part of their brain is worried they might actually be bad for speaking common sense and being honest. Honesty and common sense -- once extolled as virtues, now the seeds of extremist dissidence. Fascinating and frightful at the same time.
That's why I think this modern brand of self-censorship is more worrisome than previous kinds. Because it subverts the way we think, and once you control how a man thinks, you control him. It goes double because in today's world, you're always careful to use proper terms, nouns, pronouns, not to seem racist or sexist or homophobic or whatever else. They are all methods of crowd control.
News flash: the only thing that makes you a racist, sexist homophobe is being one.
So I've been going on my own personal crusade against over-apologizing and letting randos on the Internet tell me better. I resist the urge to write disclaimers, or to in any way explain or defend myself. Largely because the people who've been reading me for a while hopefully know by now that my writing does not come from a place of hate. If there is hate, it's for dangerous extremists trying to corrupt children, or to radicalize society. Few examples,
I think abortion should be a legal choice, and that outlawing it will only mean more money going to the pockets of the assholes creating so many problems for us already. However, I think these so-called "pro-choice" groups (funny, they're only ever supporting their choice) are dangerous extremists, driven by a hate of the outgroup, not love of the in-group. In other words, they don't so much want to help the woman in their midst going through such a procedure heal, as to hate and attack anyone who, heaven forbid, might actually dream of motherhood.
I think as an adult, you should be free to have sex with any other consenting adults, in whichever way you see fit. However, people trying to have that conversation with small children are only steps away from having other things with small children.
The list goes on, and the list is important. Not just for me, for you. I think it's paramount that you carefully state in your head, and in your heart, who you are and what you believe in. Not carve it in stone, for these things change, but be clear about it. Clearly understanding who you are, where you come from, and what you stand for is immensely powerful, both on a public and a personal level.
Knowing you are a good, kind person driven not by hate, but by love, and care for your fellow human beings, no one will ever be able to put some misguided loose-flowing label on you. There may be some, very few, very close people in your life who may spot traits and habits better than you do. If your spouse of 10 years tells you something about how you are as a person, it might be a good idea to listen, because they interact more with you than you. If some rando on the Internet tells you who you are, flattering or no, say fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
Other people can't tell you who you are, or how you think, or what your values are. Other people can't tell you you're a bad person, unless backed by strong, empirical evidence. Using a word they don't like is not evidence. Speaking up to protect your family, friends, or peers is not evidence. Engaging in clear, logical debate that contradicts the status quo is not evidence.
Some people will shame you into it. Call you names. Others will butter you up, and seek to cajole you. You're just like me, isn't that right? Shame and need for belonging, these are tremendous human motors. They'll push an individual to do unbelievable things.
And they're hard to resist. Even at the best of times. Which is why it's paramount that you know who you are, and how you work.
Next time you find yourself cowering to the self-righteous mob, ask yourself,
Did I say that because I think gay people are vile and disgusting? Or because I think other races are inferior to mine? Or because penises are motherfucking frightening?
Be clear and be specific. Words are just words. It's the meaning you breathe into them that makes them good or bad. And remember, a racist, homophobic asshole will be a racist, homophobic asshole even if you polish their dictionary. Look at half of our ruling class. They rarely if ever drop a bad word about any one group (except Trump-supporters, those are apparently alright to hate on), and yet, they hate most of us. If you're still doubting that, I suggest you give it time. In the words of Ned Stark,
winter is coming.