A few years ago, when I was still a high school teacher, we implemented a very successful activity called School for Parents.
Every two weeks, from the beginning of the school year, we called parents together to talk about different topics related to the upbringing of children. Sometimes specialists such as psychologists, doctors and lawyers attended. Each one of them made valuable contributions.
But the most productive activities were when only the parents attended. On those occasions they felt more confident and were given the opportunity to raise their doubts in a very sincere way.
It was amazing how much they had in common. However, the big concern for most of them was how to do better with the boys, they were worried that they were unknowingly making major mistakes, and that these mistakes would hurt their children's future.
At the time I had my two oldest boys, one was finishing elementary school and the other was just starting. In those years my time was quite busy, I would get out of a job and immediately go to graduate school. I was always looking for a way to be with the kids, to take them to their sports and artistic activities, but many times I felt exhausted and so I didn't give them the best treatment.
It was in those conversations at the School for Parents that I began to reflect on the mistakes I was making in raising my children.
I was unconsciously repeating the parenting I had received from my parents, a model that had its good things because it valued responsibility and love for the family, but it also had some very bad things. I had learned to emphasize mistakes and minimize accomplishments. So I was very busy pointing out my children's faults, talking to them about their weaknesses, but almost never taking the time to highlight their strengths.
Years later life rewarded me with another daughter. When she came into the world her siblings were teenagers and my situation had improved a lot, I had more economic stability and more free time. I devoted much more time to this daughter than to the others and with her I was more careful not to be so critical. I am sure that her upbringing was better than the first ones.
Over the years I have reflected a lot on this subject of the upbringing I gave my children. Sometimes the memories bring back images that make me sad, I see myself saying unnecessary things to them, talking to them in a bad way when I let myself get carried away by anger, tiredness or sadness.
If someone told me that they would give me the opportunity to improve something from the past, I would not hesitate, I would ask them to let me improve those years of raising the children, especially the first two. If I had the opportunity I would strive to be more understanding with them and to highlight to them all the potential they have always had within.
Five years ago, when I turned sixty-five, I asked them all to forgive me for the mistakes I made with them when they were children. They, with a very great nobility, answered me that the matter was not so serious, that they were given what they needed to make their lives.
The truth is that I feel very grateful because they are all good men and women, each one has made their lives in a decent way, without hurting anyone. The two eldest already have two girls each and they are doing everything they can so that these girls grow up better than they did.
I am convinced that when we are grandparents, life gives us a second chance in this matter of upbringing, we can try to do better with our grandchildren.
One thing that gives me great satisfaction is talking to my sons about raising girls. They feel I can tell them something of value. They often tell me about their doubts, the difficulties they are having, they ask me for suggestions. It gives me great joy to be taken into account in such delicate matters.
However, even though our children invite us to give us our opinion, it is important to be clear that grandparents must respect limits. That is part of the challenge to do better.
We grandparents are there to support, to accompany, to make suggestions, but our children are the ones who know best the reality of the new times, that is why it is also important to respect their decisions and their parenting strategies.
I like to think that life is always giving us new opportunities.
With each sunrise we have the opportunity to do better, to be better people, kinder and more loving to ourselves and to others.
I am publishing this post motivated by the initiative proposed by my friend @ericvancewalton, Memoir Monday, in its week eight. For more information click on the link.
Thank you for your time.
Translated with DeepL.com (free version)
Logo creado por @themanualbot