This evening, trying to catch up with people I knew and what they have become, I realized, I am still stuck. I sincerely do not know what I want to be anymore. In the last few hours, I have asked, myself, "what exactly do you want to do with your life"? "What do you want to become"? "What would you put all your time in, to pave a future for yourself"?. Yes, you guessed it, I had no answers forthcoming. Once;
I had wanted to be a lawyer
As a child, I talked too much, and for this reason, a lot of people called me, "tiny lawyer" and I wanted to become a lawyer. Up till today, I still love arguing points with people and trying to win a case. It makes me feel as though I am a lawyer, and I am trying to get my clients fewer jail sentences or no sentences at all.
I had wanted to be a doctor
Seeing doctors on white made me admire them so much, and I wanted to become one too. I dumped my dreams of becoming a lawyer for this profession.
I had wanted to be a journalist
Oh, the fact that I knew how to express my thoughts on paper when I was younger made me desire the spotlight of a journalist. I just wanted to talk about people's lives, their fears, their happiness, probably, their mistakes. Just about anything. Gossips, relationships, affairs, etc.
I had wanted to an accountant
Soon, I found that I loved numbers, and around my confusion, I decided I wanted to be an accountant. The other reason was that l loved being in my mum's superstore attending to customers and counting the money by the end of the day. Afterward, reported to mum who owes what and when they promised to pay.
I had wanted to be a musician
Oh I love music, and how I wanted to be on stage performing to a crowd of people while they marvel at my abilities.
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I had wanted to be an engineer
And I still do. For this profession, I admired my dad's ability to build, and construct, and I wanted this. Somewhere in my heart I still want it and I do not know what to do anymore.
I had wanted to be a mathematician
Yes, I love numbers, and I wanted to take a course on Maths and Statistics once, and, no, I still haven't done it.
I want to be a computer programmer too
So many dreams in one little child's head. Too many confusions and no help in sight. I am stuck with all the computer skills I have, my ability to work with numbers, and of course, this one ability to learn fast and well.
Somewhere, I am a writer
It marvels me how I ended the cycle by writing. Some days, I wake up, and I wonder if I should stick to this path, and learn everything I can about it. Or if I should go after all the other things I have always desired.....no answer is forthcoming.
Now, I want to study finance
Goodness me!!! What in the world is wrong with me? Yeah. The educational system in my country is beginning to be a bit frustrating. ASUU is frequently going on incessant strikes, and I am beginning to reconsider my options. Waiting to write JAMB for Federal Universities and getting admitted Just to spend more years in school, because of the frequent strike is making me pause, and think again.
Now, going to an institution that has no relationship with ASUU, and of course, no strikes means I can't choose the professional courses I would love to, like engineering because they don't offer them.
So, I look into my SSCE, compared the options in the institution, and I found out, the only course, I can take for now that would fit into any of my dreams is a financial course. Somewhere, in my heart, I want to take it.
Someone even said to me, "get your B.Sc first, then follow your passion/dreams" This advice came when I told him I wanted to study Electrical Engineering at the University so I can pursue a course in Artificial Intelligence. And he pointed out the strike issues and why I should do this institution and get a B.Sc First. Initially, I didn't want to take his advice, a few months later, all the federal Universities are on strike, and now, this advice seems like the only option left.
As it stands, I am all grown up and I don't know what I want to be anymore. I just have a talent for different fields, but, can't seem to find the one to choose, knowing that my decision alters what happens next.
One thing you should know is that all the decisions I had taken were related to Mathematics. I chose to be in the Science class because I couldn't let go of mathematics. Although, I still wonder where I would be today if I had taken the Art or Commercial Classes so I could pursue a course in Law, or Finance.
Maybe, now, I am considering the finance path, I'll find out. However, somewhere, in my heart, I am wondering, "now where does this leave my Artificial Intelligence dreams"? Will choosing a financial course help in any way? Or can I study finance in this institution, and learn artificial intelligence in the background? Gosh, I am confused. And I think I need to see a counselor.
In the list of things I wanted to be, it's worthy of note that I wouldn't choose to be a Medical Doctor if given an option. I prefer calculations to theory, and studying to become a doctor would mean spending time learning about human anatomy and surgeries, and it doesn't sound like fun to me.
Numbers, calculations, computers, and of course, writing down my thoughts like this, or arguing thoughts as a lawyer, are the only things that appeal to me. They are the things I would sacrifice time for. The problem is, which one, should I choose, and which should I let go of? Help me. 🥺
PS: Terms used and their meanings:
Academic Staff Union of Universities(ASUU)
Senior Secondary Certificate of Education(SSCE)
Bachelor of Science degree. (B.Sc)