You all know that I more or less see Hive as my unofficial diary, so it was more or less set in stone that I’ll talk about this. I know we’re not supposed to leave too much on the internet. Digital footprint coming back to bite you in the ass, and all of that. But I’d already given you guys the first part of the story sometime last month, so this is basically the continuation of that story.
I’ve been quite unlucky with physical female friends. Quite unlucky, indeed. Had a talk about it the other night with my Mom, and that conversation had me doing a recount of all the female friends I fell off with and no longer talk to. And I started thinking deeply within myself. Because I have a theory, you see, that if you’re constantly having issues in different relationship you enter that leads to them being unceremoniously broken off, you are the common denominator and must be the problem.
And I also used to say, that you don’t always have to be the victim, and sometimes, you may just be the villain in the story. I do, honestly, want to believe that I was the problem this time, and maybe all the tears I cried in buckets that one week when it went down were crocodile tears, and I was simply being dramatic when it was clearly my fault.
But it wasn’t.
This is after weeks of undergoing several self appraisals. I believe that friendships are the same as romantic relationships, and if the person you’re friends with doesn’t match your values, or does not see hurting you as anything, or use your insecurities against you in times of arguments and daily conversations, or rains insults on you when you’re trying to explain yourself, then that person is not your friend. If a person doesn’t consider the effect of their words on you, then that person is not your friend.
And if you cut that one friend off, and cut ten more off because of any of the aforementioned reasons, that doesn’t make you the problem. It just means you have values and standards for yourself, and that you understand that having no friend is better than having bad friends.
Or is it?
Because let me tell you the current situation of things. You know, this happened during my exams and was just before our little holiday. Now, the holiday is over, and tomorrow by 8 am, I will be in school for my first class of the semester. Here is the issue. I have no friends. I do have a close male friends, but he will be resuming next week. These group of girls have been my friends since my first year in college, and apart from little smiles, and heys and his I exchanged to my other female colleagues, plus the fact that I was content with my three friends, I wasn’t inclined to being attached to any other girls.
Well, look where that has gotten me.
You can’t survive University without friends, and female friendships are just awesome, you know? I’m still somewhat of the new girl on this particular campus, so I more or less have no one to call for things, and to do those abundance of paper registrations with, it’s a lot.
Let me point this out, though. I do not regret cutting ties with those girls. I miss when we were cool and I had so much fun with them, but I cannot, for the life of me, stomach the thought of still being friends with people that would cause me that much pain and see no wrong in it. I just wish I had the bravery to go about tomorrow and the rest of this week before my male friend resumes, all unfazed and what not.
Promised not to shed a tear about it, but really, when have I ever kept to my promise of not crying about something or someone? Lol.
I guess I just need advice from my Hive family. I know I’ll be fine, but I need a working plan before 8 am tomorrow. Something that will cause me not to break down when I see just how alone I’ll be tomorrow. Sorry for tagging you, @riverflows and @momogrow. I just don’t want you to mistakenly skip my not-so-subtle non-cry for help, lol.
Jhymi🖤
Image is mine.
