Wedding bells in Nigeria usually call for joyous moments as relatives and friends of the intending couples put many things on deck to see the light of the day. The planning comes into full gear as the day draws near, and most times, the financial burden comes heavy on the groom. Here in Nigeria, the groom takes responsibility for most needs on the wedding day, and for some cultures, he sponsors things the wife would need like clothes, boxes, kitchen wares, etc. A few cultures and practices, however, have it that the intending wife would furnish the house.
There are different cultural practices for weddings. Weddings can be simple, while the majority are done with the involvement of large crowds. The COVID-19🦠😷 era revealed the possibility of simple weddings where guests are limited and gifts are preferred to be monetized. The reception is where the life of the wedding is. Here, different dignitaries and well-wishers come to eat and felicitate with the new couple, sometimes bearing gifts. The weddings can be color-coded, meaning the groom or bride family would choose particular colors that can be attributed to them.
The wedding comes in court, traditional, and church. The engagement is often held on Fridays, the eve of the wedding day, while the church wedding comes up on Saturdays. The court weddings are often done 12 weeks before the church weddings. I believe the choice of weddings on weekends is for convenience, and other than that, I have attended weddings held on Tuesdays and Thursdays, respectively.
The groom is often in charge of reception, and this is where the bulk of the funds go after settling for things like photography and cakes. What's a wedding reception when food is not involved and is surplus? Well, food is hardly surplus at weddings now. In fact, if you don't know the right people on the wedding day, you might not taste the foods that are served to guests. It's that bad. However, some weddings are simple: after the church program, food in take-away or disposable containers is shared with guests, and everyone is dispersed, boycotting the reception events.
There are ages when young people are constantly troubled about marriages. Oftentimes, thirty is the age when people begin to ask questions about settling down. A lady confessed to me how her mother asked her not to call her unless she has a man to present to her as the intending spouse. It could be that desperate.
DIVORCES
Beautiful weddings do not translate to successful marriages. A man once told me that the church is full of women who have used the church as an abode and haven, praying for the troubles they are experiencing in their homes. Even relationships are not rosy, and it won't be strange if marriages experience some turbulence. We are in a fast generation where technology and wisdom have come upon the majority, and everyone is a master and lord of himself.
Divorce has been a major contender for happy homes. Divorce was uncommon many years ago when mothers were encouraged to remain obedient to husbands they were unhappy with and vice versa. It was more about endurance than enjoyment of supposed marital bliss. Well, times have changed, and nobody wants to take the back seat.
RED FLAGS
Dare I say that the red flags are often overlooked in relationships with the hope that the intending spouse will be changed? Definitely, there are those people who hide some attributes and show them only when married. Red flags exist and should not be compromised. It is said that it's better to have a broken relationship than a broken marriage. Divorce is often a difficult decision, and there are mistakes that should be avoided. It is also difficult for a divorcee to get another partner, especially when a child is involved with the former spouse.
Age and maturity could be predisposing factors to irreconcilable differences that could result in divorces. Divorces in Christianity are frowned upon, and as the Holy Bible says, God hates putting away (divorce), which can be found in Malachi 2:16. And this leads me to bring single by choice!
SINGLE BY CHOICE
There are a lot of unpleasant dramas that scare the unmarried, as heard from the married. There is a saying that the single prays to be married, while the married prays to be single. Not getting the right partner is the first mistake in any union. Troubles like financial constraints, misunderstandings, etc. can come like sandstorms, but having the right partner who is mature, simple, and understanding would likely hold the union together in one piece. Being single by choice could emanate from being married before, now single, or never married before. In either case, it's either lessons learned from experience or those from revelations.
I have come across ladies, especially those who just want to be single mothers. They just want to probably bear a child or two for a man they may or may not know and live their lives far away from the unpleasant troubles of marriages. At this point, let me say that people have said that marriage will humble you. And true to that, every day brings different things to a couple they should tackle together. Staying single by choice does not rule out the need for companionship. And no matter how strong a single individual feels, he or she would need the company of the other gender.
I hope our generation can get it right from the beginning rather than work on amending bitter experiences like a patch of a car tire.
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