My family is HUGE and most everyone knows one another if not of one another through family updates, gossip, and social media. I finally met cousins who had been internet friends. Our common bond was getting looked after by grandma who played visiting dignitary to all our homes. With seven sons and five daughters (my mom being one), grandma was busy with babies til dementia set in.
Her “residencies” would last only through the diaper phase. She left potty training to the parents. Smart grandma. A cousin felt sad when I asked for her grandma story. She felt that she hadn’t one. My photo collection changed that. I had photos of memories she was too young to remember but the bear hug from grandma showed that she was adored. My mom’s memories of my grandmother taking care of me when I was a newborn helped me feel closer. I don’t have any photos of that time, just stories of my grandma’s delight.
I wish I had been closer and had more stories to share of my grandmother. She lived with me longer than any of her other grandchildren. I was a happy loner, playing alone with my toys or moving dirt around the garden. The home was always full with family and friends and I sometimes sat in the middle of it all lost in a book. She let me be and made sure to say “I love you” enough that I wasn’t alone in my head.
The stories and photos shared at the wake and running in the background constantly at my aunt’s house was a balm to the family sadness. We also learned that during grandma’s visits, she would peruse the family albums and take out her favorites to create her own album. Everyone was wondering why there were missing gaps in their albums. Now we all know and can look at our albums and smile. Grandma was here.
It was the sweetest and saddest family event I’ve attended.
Over a dozen eulogies were given. I played the piano. Several cousins sang their special dedications. Some played the guitar. The youngest and newest batch of cousins and nieces and nephews sang and made their group contribution. Being able to see grandma at her wake with an open casket, we were able to take our last family photos that would include her. It was strange, sad, and comforting. It would feel different and final once the casket is closed for the funeral mass.
After our time with grandma at the funeral home, it was late night lively time at my aunt’s house. It was a sad occasion to see everyone again. We’ve just seen each other at my cousin, M’s wedding but we were happy. It gave us great comfort to see how much love was in our family. We laughed and cried. Thirty six cousins! Grandma has 36 grandchildren!! And it all started with grandma and grandpa and an arranged marriage. We toasted to our grandparents finally reunited in heaven.
The funeral mass was beautiful. My cousins are altar boys and were part of the mass. My grandma was a friend to many of the parishioners that it was nice to see them. It was harder being at this final ceremony. I was in tears and in awe at how beautiful the music and community was. The closed coffin brought the reality that this was the final time. I was glad I was able to come earlier for her wake.
My grandma left quite the legacy. A large family that loves despite distance and time. She loved having a good time enjoying friends and family and though her visits as grandma in residence were brief, she loved her time and would take photos out of albums to form her own and bring her happy memories with her.
There is an empty space in our hearts now like the albums in our homes. But that space joyfully says....
Grandma was here.
JNET