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This week comes with another interesting prompt from the Thinkers Corner by @kenechukwu97 . I love how this series provokes you to dive deep into the crannies of your thoughts.
Sometimes, it is easy for me not to tell a person what to do anymore. I like that feeling of, “I told you so” later. It gives me a weird sort of satisfaction. That's wild, right? I know but I just can't help it.
Here is where it gets hard for me to hear the expression “Don't tell me what to do.” I get pissed at that statement when I'm involved in the person’s life equation. This means that whatever that person does rubs off on me. Whatever decision they take affects me too. So when I get that defensive statement, I'm like; what do you even mean? This is me fixing us and you can't tell me that I can't tell you what to do. Hello… I'm not going down the rabbit hole with you. Hehe!
One time, I lived with a friend who would often come home late. That meant that I could not lock up until she was back. We had a tricky situation with the keys back then. When I constantly told her that I couldn't keep staying up and that staying out late was bad for her, she wouldn't listen. She finally said one day, “Don't tell me what to do.”
I got so upset. Staying up late wasn't part of my plans and my safety mattered too. I said to her, “If you were alone in this, I would have absolutely no business with you coming home late, however, it isn't just about you.
After that day, I knew I could not keep doing that so I gave up. Our stay together had come to an end.
In a situation like that, it is hard to turn a blind eye. However, it is still not impossible.
When you are constantly trying to tell a person what to do because you feel it is going to be of great benefit to them, they may tend to shut you up or push you away. This act can hurt so badly because you can see through the veil. You are trying to lift the veil of their faces but they are bent on being covered.
They begin to make you feel as though you are trying to control them. You see, this swinging back and forth can take a huge toll on you mentally. We live in an era where we are constantly trying to stay away from things that trigger us. When it gets to that point, I always feel like “This is where I throw in the towel to protect myself.”
There is only so much you can do before you start to overwhelm yourself. You may even begin to question your own truth. “Perhaps I'm doing too much. It isn't that deep. Maybe I'm the one seeing things from a wrong perspective.” When you start feeling that way, you know it is time to let go.
The truth is, you can advise someone but you cannot outrightly tell a grown adult what they can and cannot do. Taking your advice is ultimately their decision to make. You can only hope that they take it when you dish it out. It's like the saying, you can take a horse to the river but you cannot force it to drink.
I've learned to lead my people to the mouth of the river but that's as far as I can go. For the rest of the journey, they go alone. I've learned to make peace with the things I cannot control if it is going to affect me negatively. Honestly, the feeling I get in the end is liberating.