The role of the family is the most important for a child's growing up and on his mental nourishment. The basement of character and human nature is closely related to our family life from childhood. But unfortunately, modern life is destroying families all around the world which is not a good sign for all. Everywhere people are breaking up their relations with tiny issues that can be solved properly with gentle talk. But the importance of the family is beyond question and this is the oldest part of society. So, as a social animal, you can't ignore the issue. Recently, I read an article that was sent to me by one of my friends about family education and its importance. The overall idea is from a Chinese scholar and known as the "Fu Lei's Family Letter". It can be regarded as one of the most famous family letters in modern China. And today I am going to share the main ideas that I have learned about how to educate your children from the family. I hope these ideas will make you feel the necessary of the family to be united!
To educate children, first, teach them to be a man
"Be a man first, an artist second, a musician third, and a pianist last."
This was Fu Lei's only advice when his son Fu Cong left to study abroad.
Raising children is like planting trees.
Only by nourishing him at the root first, and irrigating him with the nutrients of character, can the child have light in his heart.
If a child does not know how to get along with the world, everything is in vain
Open "Fu Lei's Family Letter", and you can see that: Fu Lei is extraordinarily dedicated to teaching children how to behave in the world.
"Don't get angry, it's misleading."
"Don't be arrogant when you are right, and forgive others when you are right."
"Be humble and humble."
"Being a human being is the most taboo to talk in shallow words."
Teaching children the ability to get along with the world is the greatest protection for parents. Parents are most proud of their children's ability to integrate into society and be able to do a job with ease.
Foresighted parents know how to force their children
Behind every outstanding person, there is a "cruel" parent.
Fu Lei is notoriously strict when it comes to children's studies. He only said one thing about academic education:
"If you don't suffer enough, you can never have good grades!"
As the saying goes, inertia is like killing a child. Those parents who "force their children" actually live the most clearly. If the best age for children to learn is missed, they will never come back. Instead of letting the child regret it in the future, he would rather let him blame himself now.
Don't neglect the cultivation of children's "adverse quotient"
The so-called "adverse quotient" is a person's ability to withstand setbacks in adversity, and the ability to counter adversity. Raising children has never been as simple as feeding them enough and warming them up. Frustration education is a compulsory course in children's life. Fu Cong has become a generation of masters, inseparable from his super willpower and ability to resist blows.
As Fu Lei said: "It doesn't matter if one suffers hardships or bumps into obstacles, as long as one learns lessons, that's what the so-called education of life or society is all about."
Precepts and deeds, lead by example
Fu Lei wrote in the letter: "The most powerful argument in the world is practical action, and the most effective education is to lead by example."
Children's cognition of the world starts from imitating their parents. The family is a copier, the parents are the originals and the children are the copies. If there is a problem with the copy, you must go back to the original to find the reason. As the saying goes, third-rate parents are nannies, second-rate parents are coaches, and first-rate parents are role models. Only by being the best of yourself can you educate the best children.
A pleasant appearance is the lifelong practice of parents
The north wind and the south wind compete to see who can take off the coat of passers-by. The north wind blows fiercely, and the pedestrians wrap their clothes tightly; The south wind was blowing gently, but people were so hot that they unbuttoned their coats. This is the "south wind effect": the power of tolerance is far stronger than punishment.
Fu Lei knows this well: he never punishes abuse, but communicates equally and gently, and teaches the truth to children. Education requires kindness.
The best education is accompanied by heart
Although he and his son Fu Congtian are on different sides, Fu Lei has always written letters to his son frequently. Accompanied by family letters, the paper is short and the love is long, and the friendship between father and son is getting deeper and deeper. Accompanying children is not only a time spent but also a thought. A good family must start with companionship, fall into education, and be loyal to the Three Views. Only by knowing what they think and what they say can we build a bridge between each other's hearts.
Good communication comes from listening
Effective communication in education comes from three steps:
The first is to listen and let the child speak out.
The second is understanding, and empathy, to understand the meaning of the child's words.
In the end, it's advice.
For Chinese parents, among the three things, listening is the worst. Fu Lei and Fu Cong wrote letters back and forth, and after learning about the child's thoughts, the two became closer.
There is a saying that goes well: "Good communication comes from listening." If you want to understand your child, you must first listen to the child's "speak".
Parents with full marks look at the process, and parents who fail at the test look at the results
For the future of children, Fu Lei only upholds one attitude: hope for the best and plan for the worst. It is the biggest misunderstanding in education to judge heroes only by success or failure. If you have high expectations for your children, you must first be mentally prepared for "things to backfire".
The beauty of education lies in the process, not the result. Learning to appreciate children's growth in the process is compulsory homework for every parent.
Parents set up "rules", and children are promising
Loving children and setting rules have never been single-choice questions. Even a talent like Fu Cong grew up under the strict discipline of Fu Lei and his wife. "War and Peace," said: "When no one says no to you, you will not grow up." Raising without teaching is a disaster for parents; teaching without proper methods is the fault of parents. In the game of chess in life, every step is inseparable from the rules. Children who don't understand the rules take detours and spend their whole lives in trial and error. And excellent children are mostly managed by "rules".
Only by teaching students in accordance with their aptitude can we raise excellent children
Fu Lei knows his children very well. The eldest son, Fu Cong, was talented in music, so he let Fu Cong learn the piano. The youngest son Fu Min wanted to learn music, but Fu Lei pointed out that he was more suitable for education. Sure enough, when the two brothers grew up, one became a famous pianist and the other became an excellent teacher. Many parents think that their children are not good, but they don't know where their children are good. In fact, every child has a crown of his own.
Parents teach students in accordance with their aptitude and give correct guidance so that children can crown themselves.
Family style is the greatest wealth of a family
Education has nothing to do with family background, but with family tradition. Fu Lei did not leave a wealth of wealth to his children, but he left a precious spiritual atmosphere: One is to have a long-term vision and learn more about everything-this can be a person's ambition. The second is to be optimistic and upright in dealing with things-this can determine people's temperament. Whether it is the eldest son Fu Cong or the youngest son Fu Min, they all have good conduct and successful careers. This is inseparable from the influence of a good family tradition. A family's family style is the most expensive family real estate.
Children who grow up in "reading" are not far behind
Fu Lei is addicted to books, and he also asks his children to read more and read good books. Reading is the best habit of a family and the best education for a child. A child who grows up in "reading" is not far behind anyway. Children who can read have knowledge, vision, and structure. As long as he keeps kindness in his heart, what is there to worry about in the future?
Good parents are good at introspection
In his early years, Fu Lei was irritable and straightforward, and he was not patient enough in the process of educating his son. But, he apologized to his son in the letter. Being a parent is the first time for everyone.
Raising children is a process of constantly translating "I love you" between right and wrong. Excellent parents have the ability to self-examination-continuous learning and reflection, and timely adjustment of educational methods.
To develop good habits, start from an early age
After Fu Cong became famous as a pianist, he still worked very hard, training every day without interruption. Self-discipline has become a habit, and it is naturally inseparable from the reminders from my father since childhood.
People's habits are like walking. Whichever path is chosen at the beginning, people will walk along this path all the time. This is the law of "path dependence" in educational psychology. Good habits are like roads, affecting a child's life. The sooner a good habit is cultivated, the easier it is to engrave it in the children's bones and benefit them for life.
The real education is to spell "father"
Fu Lei and his wife are well-connected and knowledgeable. Fu Cong has watched and heard the conversations of adults from all walks of life since he was a child. These insights broadened Fu Cong's vision and opened up his thinking about the world.
Real education is actually fighting parents. The "fighting" here refers to the level of parents and the family environment. The road you have traveled with your children, the people you have met, the stories you have heard, the scenery you have enjoyed...
They are deeply imprinted in their hearts, giving them the opportunity to experience a different life.
Parents who don't know how to let go can't raise promising children
There is a "fishbowl law" in pedagogy: The goldfish in the fish tank is no more than three inches long. Put it in the pool for two months, but it can grow to one foot. The same is true for raising children - the protection of parents is like a fish tank, and it is difficult for children under the protection to grow up.
So, be sure to give him free space. Aiko is as deep as Fu Lei, and he also knows how to "let go" and let his son go abroad to study and grow continuously. When raising children, remember not to be offside and do everything. If you want your child to fly high and far, let him walk the path he should walk.
The best relationship between parents and children: growing together
"Fu Lei's Family Letter" is mostly earnest and instructive, but this sentence is the only one that makes people feel sad after reading it: "Son, I'm afraid I've learned as much from you as you have from me."
Indeed, every outstanding child is inseparable from the hard work of his parents. Similarly, the growth of the parents themselves is also motivated by the children. On the road to education, the greatest luck is that children and parents go forward together and grow together.
Thank you very much and I hope you have learned something new from this article. If you have any question, you can let me know in the comments.
Have a nice day!